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Man doesn’t want relationship but talks about having a baby with me


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So this guy I’ve been seeing says he can’t have a relationship right now because he wants to focus on himself to better his career, but talks about pregnancy and having a baby with me almost every time I see him. I know he doesn’t have bad intentions but I’m super confused on why he makes out that he wants a baby with me so bad when not wanting a relationship. He always makes comments about getting me pregnant or asking if I’d want his babies etc. we always use condoms and pull out method (T.M.I I know sorry) so I know he’s not actually trying to get me pregnant but he always talks about it, is it just like a fantasy or something or is he joking or what could it possibly be? I always ask him why he talks about it but doesn’t want a relationship but he never gives me a solid answer, so I’m just confused. Any advice? Thanks in advance!

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It could be an ego thing for him. I have known a couple guys who get off on thinking they're spreading their seed, so to speak. Made them feel virile and studly to think they could impregnate women. (Yes, really. I know.)

 

Don't take him seriously. It's a fantasy.

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So this guy I’ve been seeing says he can’t have a relationship right now because he wants to focus on himself to better his career, but talks about pregnancy and having a baby with me almost every time I see him. I know he doesn’t have bad intentions but I’m super confused on why he makes out that he wants a baby with me so bad when not wanting a relationship. He always makes comments about getting me pregnant or asking if I’d want his babies etc. we always use condoms and pull out method (T.M.I I know sorry) so I know he’s not actually trying to get me pregnant but he always talks about it, is it just like a fantasy or something or is he joking or what could it possibly be? I always ask him why he talks about it but doesn’t want a relationship but he never gives me a solid answer, so I’m just confused. Any advice? Thanks in advance!

 

Why are you confused? Who cares why he is interested in knocking you up and being a father but is not interested in being with you in a relationship? Are you his mommy or therapist? All you need to know is that, if you want a baby with a man who wants to be with you (and make no mistake -he does not want to be with you - it's not about "focus on himself or a career" - we all have to do that and many of us also want relationships -he doesn't -whether it's with you or anyone who cares) - he is NOT that guy. And people who use the pull out method are called parents. And people who do that knowing that the man doesn't want them are called "single moms". Do you feel good about trying to bring a life into this world who will be deprived of a two parent family from the starting gate? If you do, then sure - if that to you is in the best interests of a child who will be here only because you chose to get pregnant - then sure go for it and best to you. I personally don't feel that would be fair to a child and most parents I know think first of the best interests of a future child not how to play therapist to a man who is not using birth control.

 

He is giving you a solid answer. His answer is "I want to have a baby and call myself "father" and I do not want to be with you."

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He wants to go bareback. After that, your pregnancies, babies, STDs etc will be your problem. He will be as selfish and irresponsible before during and after sex.

 

Go to a doctor and get tested for STDs and get reliable contraception. Educate yourself.

 

Do not allow "pull-outs" with a player like this who could infect you with who-knows-what.

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He'll run out the door so fast he'll be a blur if you ended up pregnant.

 

He finds the idea of knocking you up sexy. The actual raising and providing financially for a baby? Does he talk about that? Probably not because that part isn't sexy.

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he can’t have a relationship right now because he wants to focus on himself to better his career

If he can’t make time for you, then he won’t make time to raise a child. In other words, you’ll be doing all the work.

 

Don’t be foolish with this man. Run.

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Get yourself on some other form of birth control besides him pulling out and wearing condoms you have to protect yourself from turds like him. Is he a Rastafarian or something and is raised to believe in his religion that he has to spread his seed.

 

You are going to end up yet another single mother or at the abortion clinic if you're not smart.

 

It's likely a fetish/preoccupation with the idea and helps him feel turned on during sex. It's not uncommon. You might call his bluff one day if you like and ask him what baby names he likes.

 

I recommend you don't encourage him in any way. Joking or not.

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Calling his bluff isn't necessarily encouraging anyone. I don't think it's smart to antagonize people for no reason or cause rifts in the relationship. There are ways for her to get her point across without making it awkward for him either.

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Not sure what this is but it definitely could be "fantasy" or his version of "dirty talk" that gets him off?

Weird part is he won't tell you - that part i dont' get.

 

So i woudl just do this... i'm not into ultimatums but this situation i thin it's okay. "Listen.. either you tell me and explain to me this "no relationship" + "have my baby" thing so i completely undrestnd it - or no more sex...."

That oughtta do it and if he still mumbles his way thru it - let him go and move on.

 

good luck

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Sooo....basically he told you that he isn't interested in the relationship. That's the only important part you need to pay attention to. You are just a casual hook up.

 

As for the baby talk....it's doing exactly what it's meant to do - confuse you, so you keep stringing yourself along hoping this will turn into a relationship....aka....keep sleeping with him. He is telling you what he thinks you and women at large want to hear and his purpose is simple - keep you having obligation, commitment, and relationship free sex. Also, if you happen to get pregnant....because you are willing to play with fire with pull out....he'll be gone so fast, your head will spin and no guilt on his part. He TOLD you no relationship. Since you kept sleeping with him anyway, in his mind, you accepted the consequences.

 

If you are cool with this fck buddy arrangement, fine. Just be smart and be sure you are using condoms, take morning after pill if even slightly in doubt something might have gone wrong, do not engage in pull out nonsense, get on bc yourself. Be safe, be smart. Also, be mindful of STD's. You aren't in a relationship, therefore you aren't monogamous. You should be taking full precautions, including condoms 100% of the time. If you aren't cool with this arrangement, then drop him off at the curb and find a guy who actually wants more than just to fck you.

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Agreed on checking for STDs and practicing safe sex.

 

I think we can all have different opinions and approaches. Be safe and keep it lighthearted with him. If you don't feel comfortable with him, have a heart to heart conversation or simply stop seeing him.

Edited by Rose Mosse
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Hmph, I'd reconsider having this boyfriend of yours. Use better birth control!

 

Forget about having a baby with him. I wouldn't take him seriously.

 

He sounds like a flake.

 

He doesn't want a relationship yet he wants YOU to bear the child and you'll end up as a single, struggling parent. Think of your future hardship. You'd better look out for yourself because no one else will.

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It’s a kink.

 

You’re hoping it means he deep down wants to be with you, but the truth is if he wanted to be with you, he would be.

 

Watch any daytime television show look around neighborhoods, plenty of men who wanted to knock up women and when they did they peace out.

 

Don’t be so desperate to have someone love you that you saddle yourself with an 18 year responsibility, don’t end up on the Maury show...

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