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I recently tried to log in to my boyfriends facebook, and succeeded. I found out he hangs around with a load of people that are heavy drug users. He is clearly involved but when hes around me acts all inncoent and naive to drugs. I m very annoyed because I'd rather he but upfront and honest with me. I dont know whether to confront him about or if it would make things worse because he willfind out that I have been snooping.

 

I 'm not completly against drug use Im just looking out for his safety and I dont like being made to look like a mug

 

Please help

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Sorry about the snooping wise crack, but there is a bit of truth to it... I would recommend not snooping.

 

Now, the fact that he gets defensive says it all! If you are not happy with the drug use, leave him... he won't quit if he won't even admit he uses. And if he gets so angry when you bring it up, then he doesn't need to know why you are leaving. Just tell him it's not working out... he'll figure it out.

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Before you confront anyone about their honesty or lack of, you need to get real honest with yourself. If you are truly OK with drugs, then you should also be OK with everything that comes with it - lies, deceit, manipulation, obviously health problems, mental problems, risk of YOU ending up in jail if you happen to be around them and they have drugs hidden when cops come around or you get pulled over, etc.

 

Somehow I don't think you are actually OK with any of that. He isn't looking to be saved and you aren't OK with drugs. So can you be honest about that and act accordingly?

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I understand that people want to experiement and I wouldnt want him to think Im trying to control the situation, I trust that he will be responsible my issue lies more with the fact that he is hiding this from me even though I have confronted him about it before I dont want him to think that I am stupid and naive the situation

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I trust that this is the only thing he would hide from me because I think he is worried about how I would react. I know he would never cheat or do anything bad he has my trust 100% in that respect

 

Maybe he's just not worried about how you would act if you found out he was cheating :stung:

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What does it mean that he acts "innocent and naive" to drugs? What does it mean that his friends are "heavy users?"

 

Regardless, whether he's a sinner or a saint, if you're at the point of invading his privacy, it's probably best to call it quits.

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I have confronted him about it before I dont want him to think that I am stupid and naive the situation

 

Have you been treated as stupid and naive by other people? I feel like your self-esteem is low and you're unusually sensitive regarding the stupid and naive ideas others may have of you.

 

Try and revisit these fears or concepts of stupid and naive and how you react to these concepts with the people closest to you. Saying that you're not against drug use but concerned about his safety is a little far-reaching and you're not fooling anyone. Try to work on any self-esteem issues you may have and if you find yourself attempting to control someone, step back for a little while and ask yourself whether it's worth it even though you may be able to exert your influence. It may not always be the right thing to do.

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Expecting drug users to "be upfront and honest" is like expecting burglars to ring the doorbell. You don't need to look out for his safety, you're not his mother. If you don't like his drug use, druggie friends and lies, just end it. What prompted you to snoop, did you have suspicions?

I recently tried to log in to my boyfriends facebook, and succeeded. I found out he hangs around with a load of people that are heavy drug users.
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