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Nosocialmedi
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My boyfriend and I communicate differently and his preferred method of communication is always texting. I comply but cant always get a true feel for what is being conveyed...So he sends me a text after an argument first saying good afternoon I reply with “afternoon to you too”. He then send a follow up text stating “I'm trying to create some type of dialogue with us”.

 

What does this mean?? I ask myself. Does he want to solve our problem?? How should I respond is my wonder?

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If your boyfriend or anyone prefers only texting this is a big problem. He should put forth the effort to chat with you on the phone instead of relying on texting only.

 

As for his "good afternoon" greeting, it sounds like he wanted more than "afternoon to you too" reply. This is the problem with texting. You have to explain everything to him until you're exhausted which is maddening. Ask him what he wants you to write / text him because you are clueless.

 

Then ask him to pick up the phone and call you, or you call him instead of typing all the time to each other!

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I'd text back something along the lines of "Let's chat later. I'll be home by x time and I'll call you." If you're annoyed with his half-hearted texts I don't think it's a good idea to start any dialogues, phone or text, in that moment. Save it for later when you're feeling better and you've given yourself time to sort your thoughts on any pre-existing problems.

 

Do this a few times and he may do the same in time. He'll eventually understand how you think or what you expect. You may need to be a bit patient with him. There are opportunities to learn more about each other (the same goes for you learning about him). Go easy and enjoy your time together.

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Thank you for your response. You are right... Texting has been a huge problem for us. So the back story is the day before that text was sent was when we had the argument during a phone call. Then late that evening he sent a text saying “I'm scared to even call you now“!!! I didn’t play into it but just simply texted back “ okay... good night”! As expected nothing more from him that night.

 

Now fast forward... As a response to “creating some dialogue”, I said “Im open to that” hoping it would lead to sone kind of verbal communication. Instead he replies “I'm just trying to figure out a way to approach it ”

Approach it???? wth.... I'm so frustrated... everything I want to send as a reply has a negative annotation and Im trying not to always come across negative.

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There's definitely a miscommunication problem. Have an in person conversation and discuss this so there is no misunderstanding whatsoever. It's difficult to be very clear via text / email / messaging because you don't have back 'n forth dialogue such as on the phone and even better are facial expressions. Something gets lost in translation when it's reduced to written form all the time.

 

Since it's awkward texting lately, make it clear to him that you need to talk to him and listen to him, too. Have an in depth, CLEAR conversation the next time you see him.

 

Also, scale back on texting or written forms of communication because your relationship will grow stale and there are more arguments from excessive correspondence.

 

Try a new approach with him and try to get him to cooperate with you. You're getting your wires crossed here.

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So I did text back “Im open to that” hoping it would lead to sone kind of verbal communication. Instead he replies “I'm just trying to figure out a way to approach it ”

 

Now Im even more confused

 

Why all the texting and phone calls? Are you long distance? Text and phone should be used primarily to set dates. Get into the real world.

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Don't be a text buddy. Texting is cheap, lazy and he could be doing it while with someone else, in the toilet or watching tv. It sounds like he's bored and likes the text pings.

 

Don't do it. Instead redirect every text to "when we see each other on....at...." and talk about what you would like to do on the next date. Also redirect by setting up a phone call. If he he "wants dialogue", let him set up dates or pick up the phone and talk.

He then send a follow up text stating “I'm trying to create some type of dialogue with us”.
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I'd text back something along the lines of "Let's chat later. I'll be home by x time and I'll call you." If you're annoyed with his half-hearted texts I don't think it's a good idea to start any dialogues, phone or text, in that moment. Save it for later when you're feeling better and you've given yourself time to sort your thoughts on any pre-existing problems.

 

Do this a few times and he may do the same in time. He'll eventually understand how you think or what you expect. You may need to be a bit patient with him. There are opportunities to learn more about each other (the same goes for you learning about him). Go easy and enjoy your time together.

 

Good advice!

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So I did text back “Im open to that” hoping it would lead to sone kind of verbal communication. Instead he replies “I'm just trying to figure out a way to approach it ”

 

Now Im even more confused

 

Well in his defense, you stated in prior post your argument took place over the phone so no wonder he's hesitant to call you.

 

He even told you "I'm scared to even call you now?"

 

This isn't good, may I ask what the argument was about?

 

Anyway, your response should be "let's approach this in person, phone and texts aren't getting us anywhere, when are you free to meet?"

 

Easy peasy.

Edited by katrina1980
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OP, $10,000 question, have you met each other in person?

 

Is this a cyber relationship?

 

 

Yes... We have been dating over a year... Not a cyber relationship....Interesting though!!!

We do live in separate cities about 90 miles apart.

The argument had to do with him prioritizing when it comes to our relationship. I am fully understanding fir things like work but because we dont see one another as often as we’d like we have to our time spent at least in the the top 5 of priorities wether I go there or he comes here.

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My boyfriend and I communicate differently and his preferred method of communication is always texting. I comply but cant always get a true feel for what is being conveyed...So he sends me a text after an argument first saying good afternoon I reply with “afternoon to you too”. He then send a follow up text stating “I'm trying to create some type of dialogue with us”.

 

What does this mean?? I ask myself. Does he want to solve our problem?? How should I respond is my wonder?

 

After a lot of experience with this, this one is easy as day for me. Texting is for when you want to buy a used washer and dryer on Craigslist and you don't want to spend 30 minutes chit-chatting with the dude, you just need a price, yes, no, bye. Texting carries with it a power game - who texted who first, how long are the texts, how long did it take to answer, etc. etc. I'm meeting multiple people right now, I don't call it dating anymore, and the only texts I send are of the form can I call you at x oclock. I do that because a straight up phone call out of the blue with 10 people around her is not cool. I also text about I'm here in the parking lot, I'm sitting beside the window at the coffee shop, etc. Other than that, I call. If someone is too busy to answer a planned phone call or do FaceTime or Skype, then I'm very sorry, we can compare our 1040's/W-2's and see whose time is more valuable!

 

What does it mean in your context? It means the guy is afraid of confrontation and would rather play texts to try to smooth things out. There was a situation where I chose text over voice, but that went nowhere, and I only did it because I knew she preferred text over voice. But I'd never do that today. You need to hear a person's voice, their grunts, their sighs, their breathing, etc, otherwise, you start playing mindreader and that will go nowhere.

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