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I can’t move on from my first love. I’m obsessed


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I’ve posted here a long time ago and i’m not sure if I need to cross post or how to so I’m just gonna make a new one

 

context: my ex gf broke up with me in february because she wanted to work on her self esteem and emotions.

 

My ex was an emotional wreck. She was extremely insecure about her image, her emotions and almost everything. She goes back and forth from over confidence to very little. She also was never able to start a conversation because she would be scared that she would annoy me.

 

When we were together she would always tell me she loved me. She said honesty was important to her but nobody can ever tell if someone’s being truthful, so as far I as know, she loved me as much as I too her.

 

When she broke up with me she said that she needs this time to fix herself and it had nothing to do with me. I tried and tried to get her to work on it with me but she wouldn’t budge. This is what she had to do.

 

Months go by, and I text her to try and fix us. I get hit with a “I’m really trying to focus on myself. I can’t be in a relationship because there is so much wrong with me. I don’t expect or want you to wait for me. I don’t know how long I’ll be.”

 

A week ago, she texted me happy birthday, so I said “thank you *******” and then she liked my message and I haven’t heard since.

 

I love her so much. I’m going crazy without her. I constantly look at her social media, and I know I need to block her or something but I know I’ll just unblock. I don’t want to ask her to remove me, because I’m scared that I’ll never be added back and never get to see anything again.

 

I look at Twitter to see if things she posts and retweets are about me, because when she does tweet or retweet something, it’s because it’s her opinion. So i see things like “If I’ve ever loved someone I always will, and it may be different but I don’t stop” and “Real feelings don’t just go away”. This was a week ago. But I also see stuff like “I wanna cuddle with someone”. I feel like the former is about me but I don’t know who is the other.

 

If she was honest, then I am her first love too. I just don’t get how she doesn’t feel the way I do. I love her so damn much and I just want to be with her.

 

I need help. I’m so optimistic and believe that she misses me too, but it sucks knowing that she’s on her phone everyday and never texts me, except to say happy birthday.

 

Please someone tell me something. It’s been over half a year now.

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Instead of dwelling and obsessing over her, perhaps out of sight, out of mind is better. Perhaps remaining as her social media friend is unhealthy for you.

 

Your ex is an emotional wreck and there's no sense even having a glimmer of hope to get her back. It's mentally unhealthy for you to be involved with an insecure woman. She'll just drag you down.

 

Try giving yourself healthy distractions. Hang around really good, upstanding friends, focus on your family, workout, take good care of your health, focus on your career and open up your world.

 

It was nice of her to wish you 'Happy Birthday,' however, continuing contact will make you more depressed so it's better to cut it off with her permanently.

 

If she didn't affect you so much post-break up, then become just friends and if it's impossible, it's senseless to maintain contact and constantly snoop her on social media. It's bad for your mind because you won't allow yourself to heal and move on. She's a constant reminder which is mentally unhealthy for you.

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Your post was a little hard to read as the rawness of it really reminded me of the pain of those first months.....Sux bro I know. I'm sorry....

 

All I can say, on top of the other advice you'll receive here is this: When you're going through Hell. Keep going...!

 

It's two years for me next month....Am I 100%..? No, but I'm certainly a long, long way from where I was back where you are.....

 

When you're in that emotional hell 6 months feels like a lifetime, but it's really not. It's actually not that long at all when it comes to heartbreak and grief....

 

So just be kind and patient with yourself. Keep doing what is needed and keep doing it....It will ease up eventually*

 

Sending You Strength

 

Carus*

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