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I’m not exactly sure if this is the best place to ask for advice, but It’s one of the only places I know so I’ll just go for it. So to start off, I’m an 18 YO guy and I just started going to the gym about a month ago. At the moment, I’m pretty skinny and still figuring out the gym. While I was doing an exercise, a man who appeared to be about 40ish cane up to me and asked if he could show me a better one. I said of course and he even showed me a few more. He mentioned he could lift more back when he was serving in the army, with my dad being a vet, I decided to ask him a few more questions and he said that he is now working for the FBI. so he seems like a pretty trustworthy cool guy. After he finishes showing me some new workouts, he asked what I was doing at the gym the next day. I told him I planned on doing legs and he said he had some good leg exercises that we should go together. I figured why not so he asked for my number so he could tell me when he was heading out and I thought nothing of it. So today we went, had a very good leg workout and kind of planned a workout for tomorrow. At this point I kinda wanted to back out as he does a more vigorous style of workout than I like so I was already trying to get out of working out with him. Later on though, he texted me “my legs are jello. Gonna go lay out at my friends pool. Wanna come tan.” Should I be alarmed that a middle aged man is asking me to come tan at his friends pool when I met him yesterday? Or am I overthinking it. Do I block the number and leave the gym(I only have 2 weeks before I leave for school) or do I try to go at a different time to dodge him? Any advice is welcome thanks

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1st of all, you don't really know for sure if he works for the FBI and if he does, he has access to records to investigate everything about you which is creepy IMHO. You should NEVER give your phone number to strangers or people whom you don't know well yet nor trust! NEVER. Don't be so naive! Know how to protect yourself and stay safe always!

 

Yes, be alarmed that 40ish middle aged man is asking an 18 yr old guy, YOU to lay by the pool and tan next to him. Gross! No, you're not over thinking. You'd better back off. Yes, explain that you're not interested in friendship with him and then block him permanently.

 

You don't have to leave the gym. You can still work out, remain polite yet distant. Don't be unnaturally nice. He should give you space or at least you should make sure you have space. Remain diplomatic yet firm. Enforce boundaries. Or, if you don't want to go to the gym, then don't go.

 

That 40ish middle aged man going after an 18 yr old is strange, weird and creepy! :upset:

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I think the man could likely be gay and he's hitting on you. Other than that I'm just not sure why a man double your age would approach a total stranger and keep trying to show workouts etc. Even for friendship he might be a bit too old for you but I don't think it's just for friendship. If he's asking you to go to the pool I'd say it's to see you half naked in your bathers. If he only wanted to be friends he could say let's just go to the pub or something.

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I also get the impression that he's hitting on you.

 

One of the first signs was when he started talking about how much he used to lift, and being in the Army and the FBI. That right there would have set my alarm bells off.

 

Actually, a strange man approaching me in the gym would set my alarm bells off. But that's me.

 

The exchange of numbers and workout-date made things a little worse for you. He probably read it as encouragement, even though it wasn't. Ugh.

 

And the pool thing--Ugh!!!! Ugh!!!!

 

What a creeper.

 

I really feel for you. You're in an awkward situation for sure. But as others have said, you can back off diplomatically. You can also stop going to the gym, which would be unfortunate. But if that's what you have to do, then do it.

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I think using the word "alarm" is a little much here. He approached you at the gym, you accepted his help, you exchanged numbers, and you've worked out a few times. So now, he's asking you to do something outside the gym together. All you have to say is "No thanks". Period.

 

You don't have to quit going to the gym, or block him, or anything else. You just let him know you're not interested in hanging out, outside the gym.

 

If you'd rather quit working out with him, tell him that too. Simply say, "Thanks for all your help, I think I got it now, so I'll finish up alone here".

 

We can speculate all we want here as to whether he's gay, a creeper, or the man on the moon, but bottom line, all he really did was ask you to hang out, and you have a very powerful word at hand: "No".

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He is hitting on you.

 

"Simply say, "Thanks for all your help, I think I got it now, so I'll finish up alone here". Good advice.

 

Don't block. Next time he asks you out, tell him you are meeting up with your gf. Then, stop responding.

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I agree that its very creepy.

 

I would try to not go to the gym at your usual time if you feel uncomfortable and make sure he knows you don't want contact.

I would talk to a personal trainer at the gym if you would like assistance.

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This is interesting to read, because if you were an 18 year old girl, and a 40 year old man asked you to go and tan with him... what would you think he was after???

 

I agree with all the others who say he's hitting on you. If you don't think you'd be happy with a man like that, then just decline any future offers!

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/Good advice, just be polite, just say thanks but not thanks. Say something like 'oh I have plans with my girlfriend today!' also, the advice just saying, no... or next time you're at the gym, just saying youre workouts too intense! I need something easier :) etc... you got this.

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