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I have a secret...


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I did something that would end my relationship with someone I care very deeply for. We may have a chance at saving our relationship but if he knew this it would be over and I would lose him forever. It would be very bad.

What would be the right thing to do? Let him go? Or carry on and hope that I can learn from the mistake (that I regret) and be a better person?

It's tearing me apart.

 

Would you like to build a home based on a flawed foundation? The home may look good but it will crack, crumble and eventually collapse.

I take it it has to do with infidelity, tell the poor man, he has the right to know so he can make the correct decision for him, you lost that call for the relationship when you fell onto the other person’s you know what.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Thank you this was very insightful. This situation is still going on. I am still finding it hard to sever communication with my ex, but I feel like I have to considering the circumstances. He doesn't know I'm seeing this person...And I am still seeing him. He hasn't asked, He has no idea. I feel like I should be honest but there's no value in throwing this in his face. The part I struggle with is that I'm still so angry with him for his betrayal that I want to rub it in hi sface...which would only level the playing fiels and make me as bad as him .

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Both of you seem to disrespect each other in different ways but still have a strong emotional attachment to each other. Sometimes that emotional attachment doesn't allow us to become better people or even maintain status quo in a relationship. It goes downhill because of the continued disrespect. .

 

How can people have an emotional attachment yet disrespect each other??

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Thank you this was very insightful. This situation is still going on. I am still finding it hard to sever communication with my ex, but I feel like I have to considering the circumstances. He doesn't know I'm seeing this person...And I am still seeing him. He hasn't asked, He has no idea. I feel like I should be honest but there's no value in throwing this in his face. The part I struggle with is that I'm still so angry with him for his betrayal that I want to rub it in hi sface...which would only level the playing fiels and make me as bad as him .

You are still angry for "his betrayal?" You are the one that screwed this other guy when you knew your b/f or ex or whatever the heck he is would be furious and cut off all contact with you so what "betrayal" did he do?

 

You are one mixed up chickie who, if she was with any sort of common sense, would stop all contact with your ex and continue with your casual sexual relationship(s) because you are in no place to be in anything serious with anyone... or at the very least ready to adhere to some common sense boundaries and rules that should be in place for all open relationships. You can't even do that.

 

Sorry to be so blunt but you are your own worse enemy. Block and delete the ex and get on with your lifestyle without the ex in it.

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Sorry to be so blunt but you are your own worse enemy. Block and delete the ex and get on with your lifestyle without the ex in it.

 

All I'm asking, is there any value in mentioning the situation I'm in. Just because my ex has a serious problem with this person, has nothing to do with either of us. I feel like I'm lying by omission. He's insecure and hates someone for no reason. He's jealous because the guy is everything he is not and he was threatened by that. That's not my problem. The funny thing is, it was his tantrums and hostility that formed an alliance between me and the other guy in the first place. If he had have been secure, I never would have noticed a problem and none of this would have happened.

Like Rose Mosse said, I have to be clear about not accepting any negativity in my life. Cutting off communication is hiding...running from the truth,and lying by omission.

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The funny thing is, it was his tantrums and hostility that formed an alliance between me and the other guy in the first place. If he had have been secure, I never would have noticed a problem and none of this would have happened.

 

One doesn't cheat by chance, they cheat by choice. You also had the choice to address your relationship issues, yet you seem to have found it easier to cheat.

 

Why not own this decision, and go from there?

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All I'm asking, is there any value in mentioning the situation I'm in.
You shouldn't be mentioning anything at all to your ex. You need to be out of his life so you can dally with other guys. You have used up the shelf life on the two your on here about.

 

Just because my ex has a serious problem with this person, has nothing to do with either of us. I feel like I'm lying by omission.
You are still with the guy in some capacity are you not?

He's insecure and hates someone for no reason. He's jealous because the guy is everything he is not and he was threatened by that.
Are you trying to kid yourself into making this situation fit how you want it to fit or what?

 

That's not my problem.
Oh? Think on it again. If you're going to continue to have some sort of a thing with your ex then it is very much your problem.
The funny thing is, it was his tantrums and hostility that formed an alliance between me and the other guy in the first place. If he had have been secure, I never would have noticed a problem and none of this would have happened.
As long as you keep telling yourself bs like that, you are never going to get past the mess that your dating life has become. Take responsibility for your own decisions and reread what HeartGoesOn had to say about that.

 

Like Rose Mosse said, I have to be clear about not accepting any negativity in my life. Cutting off communication is hiding...running from the truth,and lying by omission.
Oh puleeze don't use platitudes to give yourself a reason to keep both men in your life.

 

Frankly, you should stop all contact with both men, get the therapy you would do well to get so you get some clarity about yourself and then when you know what it is you want, then and only then date. You are lacking in integrity to the point that you're not even a good candidate to be with in an open relationship with. You get with a man you know your primary partner wouldn't want you to be with. That is the epitome of betrayal in an open dynamic.

 

All I'm asking, is there any value in mentioning the situation I'm in.
Why don't you tell us again what that situation is? What exactly is it you are looking for us to tell you? What exactly would you like the final outcome of all of this to be?
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One doesn't cheat by chance, they cheat by choice. You also had the choice to address your relationship issues, yet you seem to have found it easier to cheat.

 

Why not own this decision, and go from there?

You didn't read the post obviously. We were not together.

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Ok No one is reading this.

I am NOT WITH MY EX. WE WERE BROKEN UP WHEN I STARTED SEEING THE OTHER PERSON. We still are still in contact, but I am conflicted whether or not to tell him who I'm seeing. Because he knows him and has a problem with the person. It seems deceitful to leave it out ... but I don't see the value in saying anything.

MY QUESTION IS>>>ONCE AGAIN>...IS IT UNFAIR OF ME TO CONTINUE TO HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH MY EX (FRIENDSHIP) IF I KNOW THERE IS A TRUTH THAT WILL HURT HIM????

 

OK?? GOT I???

 

IF YOU ARE GOING TO COMMENT PLEASE READ EVERYTHING.

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Ok No one is reading this.

I am NOT WITH MY EX. WE WERE BROKEN UP WHEN I STARTED SEEING THE OTHER PERSON. We still are still in contact, but I am conflicted whether or not to tell him who I'm seeing. Because he knows him and has a problem with the person. It seems deceitful to leave it out ... but I don't see the value in saying anything.

MY QUESTION IS>>>ONCE AGAIN>...IS IT UNFAIR OF ME TO CONTINUE TO HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH MY EX (FRIENDSHIP) IF I KNOW THERE IS A TRUTH THAT WILL HURT HIM????

 

OK?? GOT I???

 

IF YOU ARE GOING TO COMMENT PLEASE READ EVERYTHING.

When you gave your explanation about what this "gray area" was. You did not mention one thing about having been broken up with your ex when you had a "little adult fun" O.o with this guy that is your ex's "nemesis."

 

In what capacity are you still in contact with your ex? Is he trying to get you back? Do you want to get back with him? You are very confusing in your timeline and what is actually happening in the present. If you think it seems deceitful to keep the other guy a secret from you ex then WTeff don't you just tell him. Do you always ignore your gut and what is right and wrong? (again no boundaries in place)

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I know he hates this person, whenever I mentioned his name he went nuts, even threw a glass at my wall.

 

I would break up an cease to communicate with someone if they were violent like this. Sorry. break it off permanently. if you were broken up with your ex and started seeing someone new, fair game. you don't owe your ex ANYTHING. stop talking to him. Move on with a guy more compatible. Or don't. But its unfair to YOU to continue a friendship with a jealous man who you barely even like as a person

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Ok No one is reading this.

I am NOT WITH MY EX. WE WERE BROKEN UP WHEN I STARTED SEEING THE OTHER PERSON. We still are still in contact, but I am conflicted whether or not to tell him who I'm seeing. Because he knows him and has a problem with the person. It seems deceitful to leave it out ... but I don't see the value in saying anything.

MY QUESTION IS>>>ONCE AGAIN>...IS IT UNFAIR OF ME TO CONTINUE TO HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH MY EX (FRIENDSHIP) IF I KNOW THERE IS A TRUTH THAT WILL HURT HIM????

 

OK?? GOT I???

 

IF YOU ARE GOING TO COMMENT PLEASE READ EVERYTHING.

 

Stop yelling. Christ.

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