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I (22F) jokingly told him (23M) he loves me, and he agreed. Does this mean that


shesmaudlin
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I (22F) was on FaceTime with an ex/friend (23M) the other day and we were joking around and flirting with each other. At some point he jokingly said “ugh I hate you” and I was too busy giggling that I didn’t reply so he went “I said I hate you” and I replied with “you love me.” He paused for second and said “I do.” I just deflected with some other joke and we continued talking a little more, forgetting about that. But it was kind of strange. This is sort of an ex, who I saw a couple months ago and hooked up with. We had reconnected a few months prior, but before that we hadn’t talked or seen each other in years cuz of his previous relationships and I also live states away now. So yeah ours is a complicated situation, we’re not dating but we still talk and flirt (occasionally if he doesn’t end up ghosting me cuz he started talking to someone new. It’s been an on and off thing of his to do that usually.) I know it’s silly, but now I wonder if he actually does love me or have any feelings towards me and that little thing made me feel even more curious. Any thoughts on what it could mean?

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He's attracted to you and you've hooked up so... he's still attracted to you and you have hooked up. He probably has some feelings, but is not acting on them. So what's it to you? Does his vague feelings that don't stop him from hooking up with other people translate into anything that should affect your life?

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I (22F)

(occasionally if he doesn’t end up ghosting me cuz he started talking to someone new. It’s been an on and off thing of his to do that usually.) I know it’s silly, but now I wonder if he

 

He may have feelings for you to some degree, but it's not the words he chose in that moment you should be paying attention to.

 

It's the fact that he ghosts you when someone new comes along and the fact that you two are on and off, tells you where you stand with him.

 

You don't seem a very high priority to him. He likes you and likes the attention.

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If you're not dating him exclusively nor in a serious boyfriend-girlfriend relationship, I doubt he loves you because he's not in a committed, dating relationship with you. He sounds like he was just joking and kidding around. I wouldn't read into it too much.

 

He was just toying with words and nothing more. He sounds like he was merely teasing you.

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Oh no. You were cool flirting with him and now you're second guessing yourself and turning into someone he probably won't want to talk to because he's that type of guy. Please don't think more of this than what it originally was - flirty, meaningless banter.

 

It's not very complicated of a situation if you're willing to look at it more simply. You're too attached to this person to be friendly with him. Ignore his calls or texts for a day or a week until you feel a bit better about yourself if you have to. This is not the guy to be doing double takes on. You're not even local.

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It’s more because we’ve never been serious or been able to be serious in the past so we’d simply go from talking on the phone and messaging every day for a week or something to him not texting anymore. I tried not taking it personal since we hadn’t even really seen each other in years anyway, so I’d let him go every time and whenever he came back I’d just talk to him again. I wasn’t really in the right and probably should have stopped talking to him forever but I kept saying “it’s whatever” every time.

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I guess you’re right, I probably am a bit too attached. He texted me yesterday saying he hopes I have a great day and I just ignored him cuz I hate feeling confused. If he doesn’t text me again after that I guess I’ll just leave the whole thing alone and never text him again.

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We also don’t live in the same state anymore, so that’s why I keep wracking my head on whether he’d act on his feelings if it were different. He’s been texting me a lot lately, he just texted me yesterday telling me he hopes I have a great day and I just ignored him because I don’t want to let myself feel more confused about how he’s feeling towards me anymore. I mean we don’t live in the same state anymore so it shouldn’t matter. I visit home a lot and that’s why I saw him again but now I’m starting to feel ridiculous for feeling anything at all...

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I don't think you should feel so bad. Just don't take it so hard when he texts or when he doesn't text. This is a casual relationship/friendship so keep things casual and lighthearted. After you've cleared your head, try keeping things light. If it's not good for you that way or you don't feel good overall or find yourself wanting more out of a friendship/relationship, just recognize that this might not be the best option for you. You both share a history together and you saw each other not long ago. Leave it at that and enjoy it for what it was.

 

Stay grounded, get involved with more local hobbies and interests, meet people in your town, get to know and meet new people, allow yourself to get taken out of your head space for a bit and away from this one person. I don't encourage daily texts from this person. Daily texts or calls usually happen in relationships. This type of casual relationship shouldn't demand that much output of energy from you. There's a disjointedness there. Don't forget to enjoy other areas of life and give attention to others in your life.

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I don’t think he loves you any more than he hates you. He said both in that interaction. I think he was just being playful.

 

I don’t think there is anything wrong with having a flirt-mance, as long as you both know that’s what it is. Flirting with someone (even on a daily basis) is not the same as wanting a relationship with them. And if you live very far away, he probs isn’t looking for a long distance thing.

 

If you find yourself longing for more, maybe that’s a sign that you need to put yourself out there in the dating world a bit more to find local guys.

 

I don’t think you need to stop talking to him as long as you can keep things in perspective. Enjoy it for what it is! A pleasant distraction. But if you do find yourself obsessing.. yeah... you’ll need to do something about that....

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You’re right I apologize, it was not specifically to lose your virginity but you did state you engaged in sexual intercourse with the belief that it was completely casual.

 

I think it’s safe to say that’s not reality.

 

So now you either drive yourself absolutely bonkers interpreting his every blink or you tell him how you feel, while keeping in mind the distance between the two of you.

 

It’s a messy situation, no question, but there’s no point to sit in limbo indefinitely having feelings for someone and sitting on edge hoping they feel the same.

 

Rip the bandaid off and find out, go from there, this is no longer casual for you emotionally, that’s quite often happens when sex is added to situations, time to untangle the web you two weaved.

 

It’s quitw possible he feels the same.

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