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I started seeing my friends friend. I knew him for about 6 months before we started dating. We went out on a first date, he was lovely. We went back to his chatted, watched a film and we slept together (Which wasn't planned and I don't normally do that)

We then started to see each other once a week. He is a Police officer so he works all different shifts. I would go round his house we would watch a film. I asked him if he wanted to go out and everytime he said he wanted to stay in. I thought this was because of his shifts he was tired but as time went on he stopped messaging me back and then when I asked why he hasn't texted me back after two days he said he was busy with work. I started feeling crappy because it seemed he wasn't making any effort with me and getting really lazy, just expecting me to go round his house watch tv and have sex. He even got lazy in the bedroom. He would initiate sex and then make no effort.

 

I messaged him and after two days of not hearing from him. I got annoyed and frustrated. I messaged him saying 'Do you want to continue dating or do you want to call it a day as I don't know where I stand with you?' He messaged me back just saying he was busy with work. So I left it as that. I messaged him two days later asking how he was and how was work? Again, nothing. I didn't like they way he was making me feel so I messaged him saying 'i hope there are no hard feelings and I hope we can be friend's'. Surprise surprise, nothing back from him.

 

I know I was pretty harsh but dating him was making me turn into a psycho. I have never been that way in the past with a guy if they didn't message me back. And to feel like this whilst we was dating, I thought it's not right. I wasn't asking the world, I just wanted him to communicate with me. It was like hitting my head against a brick wall

 

My friend said to me he's been really hurt in the past by past relationships so he's closed off.

 

It's been a week and I can't stop thinking about this guy. I've been in long term relationships before and when they ended I've never obsessed about someone like I do with this guy. What the he'll is wrong with me? Why am I obsessing?

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My friend said to me he's been really hurt in the past by past relationships so he's closed off.

I seriously doubt that that's why he hasn't contacted you.

You slept with him on the first date and it appears that's the one and only date you had. From there you became his bed buddy.

The signs were all there. . .you just accounted for all of them.

Why didn't you bail earlier when he refused to go out and only wanted to do `indoor activities' with you?

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Why didn't you bail earlier when he refused to go out and only wanted to do `indoor activities' with you?

 

Because I'm an idiot.

 

This is a valuable lesson.

Have some standards. Believe you deserve them.

Be prepared to act on them.

You staying long enough for him to dump you when you should have cut him off at the first signs he was just using you.

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Because I'm an idiot.

 

This is a valuable lesson.

Have some standards. Believe you deserve them.

Be prepared to act on them.

You staying long enough for him to dump you when you should have cut him off at the first signs he was just using you.

 

It is a very valuable lesson. Because he was my friends friend, I thought he wouldn't use me. How wrong was I. I think I'm obsessing, not because of him because of the situation. Letting myself be used.

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This is a valuable lesson.

Have some standards. Believe you deserve them.

Be prepared to act on them.

You staying long enough for him to dump you when you should have cut him off at the first signs he was just using you.

 

It is a very valuable lesson. Because he was my friends friend, I thought he wouldn't use me. How wrong was I. I think I'm obsessing, not because of him because of the situation. Letting myself be used.

 

No doubt the realization that you had a hand in hurting yourself is really uncomfortable.

That coupled with the disappointment of a man who won't return your phone call must be really tough.

As uncomfortable as this is, again, it's a really valuable lesson you can take with you and promise yourself to not let it happen again.

It takes a hit to your self esteem.

Shake it off and give it some time.

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It sounds like he's a tool. Just delete and block him. It's him, not you. It wasn't dating for him, it was more a netflix and chill situation. You can do better than this guy.

I asked him if he wanted to go out and everytime he said he wanted to stay in.
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I messaged him and after two days of not hearing from him. I got annoyed and frustrated. I messaged him saying 'Do you want to continue dating or do you want to call it a day as I don't know where I stand with you?' He messaged me back just saying he was busy with work. So I left it as that. I messaged him two days later asking how he was and how was work? Again, nothing. I didn't like they way he was making me feel so I messaged him saying 'i hope there are no hard feelings and I hope we can be friend's'. Surprise surprise, nothing back from him.

 

 

Sophie I know you don't think of it as pestering but reading the above, you sent him way too many texts.

 

Best to send one and wait for response; if he replies back in a cold way that he's "busy," leave it. Do not respond to that.

 

I know you're anxious and wanting to close that gap to alleviate anxiety but I have never seen anything good or positive result from that. Learn to manage your anxiety on your own, yoga helps me tremendously!

 

Burdening him with texts or calls will push a guy away further or gone for good, which sadly is exactly what happened here imo.

 

I'm sorry. :(

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Both of you had sex and even though it was consensual, he used you, he's done with you and too much of a coward to tell you to get lost. It's over. Take a hint and get his message. Stop hounding him. Leave him alone. He lost interest in you quickly. I'm sorry.

 

In the future, don't be so quick to jump in the sack with a guy. Establish a real, great friendship first for a very long time before entering a relationship with a man. Stop doing things backwards.

 

You're obsessing because rejection is driving you crazy. Change the way you are and you'll have better outcomes.

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I don’t like this concept that he "used" her.

 

For what, sex? Does that mean that she "used" him too? Perhaps since they both agreed to have sex, and enjoyed it, they "used" each other. lol

 

Sorry not buying it, this isn’t high school for goodness sake, they were two consenting adults who chose to have sex with each other.

 

OP, you took a chance, a risk, and sadly it didn’t work out. It happens. More often than not in fact in today's dating environment.

 

I don’t even think having early sex was a factor; many couples move on to have relationships after early sex, my ex and I were one of them.

 

You just weren’t the right fit for him, that’s all. Whether you were too needy, too anxious or whatever, doesn’t matter.

 

Tough pill to swallow but that’s all this is. Nothing more, nothing less.

 

That said, I do believe it would be gracious of him to tell you he's done, a text would be fine, if only out of courtesy.

 

These early stages are often so precarious, the littlest thing like one too many texts can send the other person off and running.

 

In any event, lesson learned for next time. Manage anxieties on your own and contain, contain, contain.

 

I’m sorry it didn’t work out.

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Sorry, he wasn't interested. Please do not contact him again. Contact should be reciprocal.

 

Also, you should not be having dates in people's homes, they should be in public. If he was interested, he should have wanted to take you out. Home dates are for sex and zero effort.

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It seems he wasn't as attracted to you as you were to him (the interest levels differed). I do think he was a bit coy about it and that may have to do with his level of work or needing to maintain a lower profile without resorting to long text conversations justifying why he is the way he is. I'm sure he's also starkly aware that you know where he lives. I think it's best to remain respectful of each other and let things be. Don't resort to any passive aggressive texts or phone calls and try not to upset yourself over this. I'm not certain you both know each other well enough.

 

It didn't seem like he was open to a lot of conversation and conversation or communication tends to happen naturally in friendships too. This doesn't seem like a good option or natural segway into any type of friendship. I'm really sorry about how this all came about. There are plenty of other people to meet and enjoy company with.

 

Can you explain a bit more why you feel you would like to communicate with someone like him? Is it perhaps you might have thought more of him because of what he does for work or because you subconsciously might have read a bit too much into his personality? Have you dated any officers in the past?

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I seriously doubt that that's why he hasn't contacted you.

You slept with him on the first date and it appears that's the one and only date you had. From there you became his bed buddy.

The signs were all there. . .you just accounted for all of them.

Why didn't you bail earlier when he refused to go out and only wanted to do `indoor activities' with you?

 

This. You saw what you wanted to see instead of the reality.

 

Its all good if that’s actually what you wanted as well but it’s obvious from your post that’s not the case.

 

His interest seems to have faded for now but I guarantee he will be back for more; it’s up to you to decide if you want to close the door on this chapter.

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