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I have been dealing with a guy for the past 5 years, the moment I seen him I knew I wanted to be with him, we are currently not together however at some point in time I wanted us to be together & at some point he wanted us to be together & at that time he wanted us to I didn't because of what was going on with the both of us. since I told him no 2-3 years ago he has not wanted us to be together. He's a good guy & we talk quite often. I visit him time to time because we are states away now & It's nice to see him. Whenever I bring up or mention him & I being in a relationship he tells me that he doesn't want to be in one but yet we have sex & that disappoints me because after all this time I still want to be with him & we have been through so much the last 5 years. When I look at him I see pure happiness. We used to tell each other we love one another & now we no longer say it. After our talks about what we are he says there is no need to define what we are & sometimes I feel like I'm not good enough for him. I just don't know what to do anymore, I've had many thoughts of just putting him out of my life but my emotions always get in the way & then It's like he's the only person I really have that I'm completely myself around. I just don't want to wait around until he decides he wants to be with me. At the end of last year something happened between us & that caused us to not talk for months & I made a promise to myself that I would not keep putting myself in this situation but months later we started to talk again he mentions he wants me to visit him so I went to visit him & everything was fine until the talk of a relationship came up & again he mentions that he didn't want a relationship he says he's single & he can do what he wants, which I can't control but it's like why treat me the way you do (like a girlfriend) but don't want us together.

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why treat me the way you do (like a girlfriend) but don't want us together.

Because you have taught him that you'll accept having sex with him on his terms.

He doesn't treat you like a girlfriend. He doesn't say I love you, he won't commit to you and he's inconsistent.

He's merely having sex with you and making minimal efforts to keep it coming. You visit him? Does he ever make the effort to visit you?

He doesn't respect you.

You need to respect yourself first.

This has run it's course.

Walk away, dust yourself off and spend sometime figuring out why you don't believe you deserve better than this.

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He said he does not want to be in a relationship and does not have Feelings. He is using you for sex and does not respect you!

 

How does he treat you like a gf?

 

This will never go anywhere. He is a waste of time. Don't let people treat you like this!

 

Block and delete this s guy so that you can move on with your life.

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He's a player and playing with YOU. He's just using you for sex. He doesn't want a relationship, he wishes to remain single, carefree, do what he wants, when he wants ~ which he can't control. He treats you the way he does because you give sex to him. You're his sex machine. You're a sex object to him. Wake up!

 

It's been 5 years of wasting your life on him. You have no future with him so why bother? You should've dumped him years ago!

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You need to let go. Stop visiting him for sex. You can date locally and find a decent guy who wants what you want. But not as long as you keep this jerk in your life wishing and hoping it is mare than it really is. Are either of you married/in a relationship with someone?

I have been dealing with a guy for the past 5 years

Whenever I bring up or mention him & I being in a relationship he tells me that he doesn't want to be in one but yet we have sex

At the end of last year something happened between us & that caused us to not talk for months

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Because you have taught him that you'll accept having sex with him on his terms.

He doesn't treat you like a girlfriend. He doesn't say I love you, he won't commit to you and he's inconsistent.

He's merely having sex with you and making minimal efforts to keep it coming. You visit him? Does he ever make the effort to visit you?

He doesn't respect you.

You need to respect yourself first.

This has run it's course.

Walk away, dust yourself off and spend sometime figuring out why you don't believe you deserve better than this.

 

You're right & because I'm in college & he's in the military he can't visit much. But I realize I can't keep forcing whatever this is to work

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You need to let go. Stop visiting him for sex. You can date locally and find a decent guy who wants what you want. But not as long as you keep this jerk in your life wishing and hoping it is mare than it really is. Are either of you married/in a relationship with someone?

 

No we are both single apparently

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He said he does not want to be in a relationship and does not have Feelings. He is using you for sex and does not respect you!

 

How does he treat you like a gf?

 

This will never go anywhere. He is a waste of time. Don't let people treat you like this!

 

Block and delete this s guy so that you can move on with your life.

 

The only reason why I said he treats me like a gf is because of the things he do like take me out, buy me flowers, & does nice things for me

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No I don't it just happens when we see & spend time with each other because we don't see each other often

 

I do not understand this sentence.

 

The few nice gestures, are to get sex. The bottom line: he does not want a relationship with you. He is also long distance. Stop wasting your life.

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Learn that the actions and the words both have to match. You can't say that being great in one area is enough when another major factor is missing. When you do that, you're settling.

 

Sounds like your self esteem needs some work, or you will keep accepting people who are not worthy of you. Read some books on how to achieve a healthy self worth and get to that level before attempting to date again.

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Do yourself a favor and relegate him to the 'just friends' pile and stop visiting him for hookups. Get yourself out there locally and on some dating apps and start messaging and meeting local single men. This guy is a waste of time as far as a relationship or future is concerned.

No we are both single apparently
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Do yourself a favor and relegate him to the 'just friends' pile and stop visiting him for hookups. Get yourself out there locally and on some dating apps and start messaging and meeting local single men. This guy is a waste of time as far as a relationship or future is concerned.

 

But, if she has feelings, she cannot be friends. Better to cut him out of her life.

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I agree with the other members. This is unfulfilling, dysfunctional, speaks to all levels of denial, there are issues with attachment and acceptance and a lot of disregard for another person. What makes me most concerned is that you would let this happen to yourself. If you are feeling this low and sad for this to happen, this person isn't the only person who will mistreat you and make you feel vulnerable. Try and get to the layers underneath and the reasons whether in your childhood or your past that have brought you to this point. Why do you feel you deserve this type of relationship? Maybe also try and uncover if you are trying to mask other issues or distract from other major issues in your life that you need to address: health? financial? family? It's not unusual to look for distractions when stress becomes too much to handle in other areas of our lives.

 

In your journey, you might be a bit tempted to decode him also. I'd stay away from over-asking and over-analyzing why he is the way he is. Remember that he is entitled to being his own person and he is not a bad person for wanting what he wants. He's just bad for you because you are both incompatible and you're experiencing pain and frustration. I would own it and take charge of it. Actually take a good look at it and hold it up in the light and turn it around. Look right at it and understand why you feel the way you feel. Just focus on you and what you can do to understand more about yourself and why you feel attached to certain personalities or situations that don't bring you the fulfillment you really seek. Ask yourself what you're feeling and thinking and then uncover the whys. The more you hurt yourself the tougher and tougher it will be to see clearer because you're always in pain.

 

I don't think the long distance option is an option either unless a couple has some concrete plans to move to be together eventually. Again, is this distracting from other more urgent issues that are ongoing in your life? We are all at fault for a little procrastination now and then but you have to eventually address those larger issues if you feel immobilized or like you really are not getting anywhere/not growing past a life stage or a situation you feel stuck in.

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sometimes I feel like I'm not good enough for him.

 

Nope, you've got that backwards. You are way too good for him, girl.

 

He has no reason to give you a relationship. If anything, you have consistently proven to him that you will give him sex without any kind of commitment or change on his part. Even if you keep saying you won't put yourself in this situation anymore, he's still getting sex from you so he probably doesn't believe you'll stand up for yourself and cut it off for good. Which is sickening because you wanted a real relationship from him from the beginning. He knows it but doesn't seem to care what you want. It's all about him.

 

And the way that he's "treating you like a girlfriend" is just his way of getting sex. So, no. This guy is a loser. When you see him, you see pure happiness? I'm telling you right now, this happiness is all imagined. In reality, he's treating you like a hand towel - using you and discarding you until the next time. You need to stop this for your own sake.

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You're right & because I'm in college & he's in the military he can't visit much. But I realize I can't keep forcing whatever this is to work

 

It works just fine, for him. He gets whatever he wants from you without any accountability or investment, and you get to feed your fantasies about him caring enough to commit to you someday. But why would he do that? He's telling you that this is the most you'll get from him. You get to decide whether it's enough for you.

 

We never get any wasted time back again for do-overs.

 

Head high, and invest in building your life to become fulfilling enough to stop living in your own head. You will thank yourself later.

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