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So, I met this guy online last week. He asked me out to dinner Thursday night, and we had very little communication in between. We really hit it off, had some intense conversations and we closed the place down. He walked me home, kissed me, and invited me to a concert Saturday night. We briefly talked about texting, and he did say he was really horrible at it. Saturday night comes around, and we go to the concert. We have an amazing time, and he walks me home again. We had some drinks at my place, again followed by some pretty intense conversations till 3 am. I ended up sleeping with him, and he stayed the night. He hung around til almost noon Sunday. He told me several times he thought I was beautiful, and told me once while we were lounging around that he really liked me. I asked him why, and he gave me a list of reasons. He seems very in to me when we are together. I am getting ready to go on vacation for a week on Wednesday to see my family, and he did ask to see me again Tuesday night before I go.

After he left my place yesterday, I didn't hear anything from him, so I texted him around 6 pm and asked if he got everything taken care of..he did respond, but his texts were very brief. In fact, 75% of the time I am the one to initiate in between dates..he always answers, but the only time he reaches out to me is to confirm plans. Is this weird? This has been consistent since I started talking to him. I suppose it's worth noting that he is 15 years older than me..I'm 33, and he is 48. He is very technologically savvy though, so it isn't because he is slow at typing, etc. His account is still on the dating site, but he hasn't logged in for a few days, which wasn't typical of him before Saturday. I am hoping it's because he wants to see where this goes with me. I learned on our first date that he is a pretty famous artist. If he were just interested in sleeping with someone, I don't think he would have any issues doing that. He keeps asking me out, so I am hoping he is sincere, and that his intentions are good..I just don't understand the lack of communication in between dates. To me, it seems if you're really in to someone, and are serious about pursuing them, you would be in touch in between dates. Thoughts?

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I don't understand why you are concerned at all. You've seen him twice since contacting him a week ago ad he wants to see you before you leave. What's not sincere IMO is the opposite -someone who texts a lot to someone he or she barely knows but makes little effort to see the person in person. I'm in my early 50s. When I dated (until 2005) I didn't have a cell phone. Typical contact between early dates was a phone call once or twice a week basically to say hi and plan for the next date. Some guys emailed in between some and some did messenger. I never evaluated a guy's interest level as to whether he typed to me in between dates -if he was asking to see me in person regularly I assumed he was interested in getting to know me - in person - isn't that the main point? Why do you need a guy to contact you more than to make another date when you've only just met him? Don't you want to get to know him in person? Seems he feels that way about you. I wouldn't check on his activity on the dating site. He could be on other dating sites or meeting people in person. You will know if he is interested in dating you if he asks you out on dates regularly.

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You have already seen him twice within a week, and have plans for Tuesday. What is with all the anxiety?

 

Stop reaching out to him. He told you he is terrible at texting. Let him reach out to you.

 

if this is not your relationship style, then find someone else. You need to chill out. And, stop stalking him.

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Sleeping with men early doesn’t seem to be something you’re capable of doing. I would refrain from here on out, you are expecting more than what should be after only 2 dates. You cant undo it and reassuring you is a temporary fix at best and quite frankly, I’m not going to soothe your anxiety, you have to start to be conscious of your boundaries and expectations and the proper care of your emotional health, you knew his texting style, you went forward with this knowledge and engaged in sexual intercourse very early, your prerogative, you don’t get to let your anxiety run rampant now, well you can but there’s really no way to truly fix it, he is who he is especially at his age, you are either ok with it or not. If it’s causing you this much anxiety Id guess not...

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Also, if you have such an early attachment to men, then you should reconsider having sex so quickly. Why not wait until you know you are compatible and have gotten to know one another.

 

You have been on two dates. How can he be really into you?

 

Do you usually date people who are so much older?

 

Have a fun trip and don't stress over this!

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I’d focus less on how much he’s texting than on whether he’s showing genuine interest in continuing to see you, and get to know you. Which he is: two, likely three, dates in a week. Great. Continue seeing how it goes, if you’re genuinely into him, if you feel he’s genuinely interested back, and so on.

 

Given that you’ve only met twice, I think it would be more alarming if he was “really into” you, and blowing up your phone like an insta-bf, than how he is behaving now, which is pretty in line with how a secure person acts after two fine dates. I understand that sex changes things, potentially turning up the volume on the emotional and expectations dial, but it’s still just two dates between adults. Adults who had sex, yes, but that doesn’t really change things when it’s just the second date. Could all go any which way, as is always the case after two dates, be they chaste or saucy.

 

So enjoy Tuesday, enjoy your trip, enjoy the exploration of it all. Time will answer your questions.

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In person is a much better indicator of interest. Discuss exclusivity. Don't turn this into a text-buddy situation.

-He asked me out to dinner Thursday night

-We briefly talked about texting, and he did say he was really horrible at it.

-Saturday night comes around, and we go to the concert. I ended up sleeping with him, and he stayed the night.

-he did ask to see me again Tuesday night before I go.

-His account is still on the dating site, but he hasn't logged in for a few days

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I would slow down the texts and let him come to you. If he's not feeling it, he's not feeling it. There's nothing you can do about someone else's response or lack of response. He may also be finding you way more than enough initiating all the text messages. He doesn't have to lift a finger because you're doing all the lifting. I'd watch for personality traits like that and just enjoy your time together. It's called complacency at the worst end of it. I do not think it's at the worst end if he's initiating 25% of the time. It sounds more like you're just impatient with his style. There's also no point reading too much into it if he's just not giving you what you want : your level of communication in a relationship.

 

I don't suggest ignoring his communication style altogether either though. Just check him out for the time being. If you expect more after physical intimacy don't sleep with him again until you get to know each other better.

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I mean.....in reality you only had two dates. His communication in between dates is actually normal for this stage of dating. It would be weird and creepy and a huge red flag if he was blowing up your phone constantly. Early going, you set up a date and in between is really nothing more there than to maybe confirm that the date is on as planned and nothing has changed.

 

Don't confuse sleeping with a guy with an actual relationship. It takes time and many more dates to get to that stage and you are pretty far away from that. Also, don't confuse texting with intimacy or even interest....or anything really. I mean dude can text you love letters while sitting on the pot hiding from his gf or wife. It's totally worthless.

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Why not judge his interest by how often he wishes to see you and the quality of your time spent together?

 

I mean can you not sense how "into you" he is when you're together, how much attention he gives you and the connection you share?

 

From what you've written he appears to be very into you, after only two dates.

 

Honestly, I don't get this need some people have to be texting ad nauseum in between dates; texting means jack ****, many people will text all day and night with little to no interest, to keep someone on the back-burner or just for kicks.

 

That said, if you feel something's off during your dates, or you're getting the sense he's just not "all there" with you during your dates, or the connection is off, then that's different.

 

Is this how you feel, that something just seems off or the connection isn't there?

 

Frankly I find it difficult to believe that this anxiety you're feeling is all because he doesn't text in between dates, when everything else seems to be going so well on your actual dates, he's asking you out consistently, which is why I'm asking.

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So, I met this guy online last week. He asked me out to dinner Thursday night, and we had very little communication in between. We really hit it off, had some intense conversations and we closed the place down. He walked me home, kissed me, and invited me to a concert Saturday night. We briefly talked about texting, and he did say he was really horrible at it. Saturday night comes around, and we go to the concert. We have an amazing time, and he walks me home again. We had some drinks at my place, again followed by some pretty intense conversations till 3 am. I ended up sleeping with him, and he stayed the night. He hung around til almost noon Sunday. He told me several times he thought I was beautiful, and told me once while we were lounging around that he really liked me. I asked him why, and he gave me a list of reasons. He seems very in to me when we are together. I am getting ready to go on vacation for a week on Wednesday to see my family, and he did ask to see me again Tuesday night before I go.

 

Why so needy OP? The guy has made a conscious effort to plan dates with you... not "hang out", not phone, not text but to actually take you on dates 3 times in the last week. This is fantastic and definitely a sign that he wants to see you and get to know you.

 

First, I in fact think it's fabulous that he would rather spend time with you in person than spend time sending meaningless texts.

Second, you are not... I repeat not.... in a relationship with this man. You are dating, you have been out twice, you barely know each other, therefore you should not expect or even need constant communication through any medium prior to your face to face dates. You need to maintain your independence and focus on doing whatever it is you did before you met him between the times you see each other.

Third... slow your roll, right now you are coming across as a stage 5 clinger, and you will end up suffocating him before this relationship has a chance to blossom.

 

Just chill. If you have anxiety, deal with it like an adult and self-soothe. Focus on being the person he was attracted to in the first place and build the momentum slowly... this is the fun part and should be enjoyable!

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It sounds like you are very anxious he will meet and date others while you're way. There's not much this early on you can do about that. If you want to express that you're not dating others and wish to be exclusive, you can do that. It's been 2 dates. Enjoy your vacation. Do not text a lot while you're away. Send a photo or 2 with a brief hello type message.

I am getting ready to go on vacation for a week on Wednesday to see my family, and he did ask to see me again Tuesday night before I go.

 

His account is still on the dating site, but he hasn't logged in for a few days, which wasn't typical of him before Saturday. I am hoping it's because he wants to see where this goes with me.

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I agree with the other members for the most part but for your level of impatience and frustration, I wouldn't send any photos or initiate any texts during the vacation or going forward. Sorry. This is managing your levels of stress not pretending they don't exist. You've already tried enough. Leave it as it is and he can ask you out when you're back if he's really into you. Remember, you're also setting the tone for communications going forward. Don't be such a pushover.

 

I normally don't hard ball like that but I'm reading your levels of... unfulfillment pretty clearly and I'm not going to sugar coat this for you. There very well could be a part of him that doesn't really think you're that hot to begin with (you may be good but not that good enough to pull him in). I'm reading that you've already tried hard enough and he's kind of annoying even. Pull back. I'm sure he'll reach out when he's feeling like it or when he misses you. This isn't the last guy on the planet either.

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I agree with the other members for the most part but for your level of impatience and frustration, I wouldn't send any photos or initiate any texts during the vacation or going forward. Sorry. This is managing your levels of stress not pretending they don't exist. You've already tried enough. Leave it as it is and he can ask you out when you're back if he's really into you. Remember, you're also setting the tone for communications going forward. Don't be such a pushover.

 

I normally don't hard ball like that but I'm reading your levels of... unfulfillment pretty clearly and I'm not going to sugar coat this for you. There very well could be a part of him that doesn't really think you're that hot to begin with (you may be good but not that good enough to pull him in). I'm reading that you've already tried hard enough and he's kind of annoying even. Pull back. I'm sure he'll reach out when he's feeling like it or when he misses you. This isn't the last guy on the planet either.

 

Totally agree!

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He told you he is not a texter --- so CALL him instead of texting him. he seems eager to go out with you and seems to follow through on the plans he makes with you. you haven't been seeing eachother long enough to communicate a lot during dates yet, anyways.

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I must ask

 

1) person sees other person has not logged into the dating site. Tries to interpret if it means they aren't looking for anyone else

2) Therefore, now it shows YOU active on the site

3) Other person might say "well, it looks like she is still looking at the dating site".

 

I would stay off of it and CALL him and let him know you had a wonderful time and YOU suggest something for the next date. After a few dates, you know the one being pursued can actually suggest plans, right??

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I must ask

 

1) person sees other person has not logged into the dating site. Tries to interpret if it means they aren't looking for anyone else

2) Therefore, now it shows YOU active on the site

3) Other person might say "well, it looks like she is still looking at the dating site".

 

I would stay off of it and CALL him and let him know you had a wonderful time and YOU suggest something for the next date. After a few dates, you know the one being pursued can actually suggest plans, right??

 

I agree with abitbroken and gotta say, OP, what you describe seems quite contrived, not natural at all.

 

What I have learned is that when it feels "right" - you both just know it, you both feel it, there is very little, if any, of these guessing games, over-thinking, or over-analyzing.

 

Which leads me to think something is just "off" with either your connection after two dates, or you're just very insecure in general.

 

And if it's your insecurities driving this ship, work on resolving those otherwise these same issues will arise again with the next guy you date.

 

And for the love of Pete, don't gauge a man's interest level by how often he texts.

 

Read these forums, texting doesn't mean a hill of beans in the grand scheme.

 

It's how often a man actually wants to see you, spend time with you (in person) and the quality of your dates.

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Thanks for the advice, everyone. I should add that this is the first guy that I've had multiple dates with since getting out of a 3-year relationship...so kind of new to the dating scene again. I have not been texting him..just reached out once last night to see how he was doing with all of the stuff he had to get done. Haven't texted him at all today, and will let him reach out to me when he's ready. I definitely don't text him much...I was just curious on everyone's opinions of it. Thanks for all of the advice!!!

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My thoughts are, it takes more than two dates to indicate genuine interest (as in a committed relationship), imo. On the other hand, until when/if that were to happen, you're both free agents.

 

At this point, I would slow down and avoid jumping the gun.

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I've had very high interest after the first date!

 

Commitment?

 

That takes much more than just "interest" imo. Like mutually-felt deep feelings, leading to love, or actually being in love, and yeah that takes way more than two dates.

 

One step at a time.

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I know a few people in my life who simply are not into texting. They're also not into messaging, emails, social media or electronic correspondence in general. They don't like it. At the very least, they prefer old-fashioned phone calls / chats and even then they're not always good about checking their voicemails either. I know it's frustrating in this Information Age.

 

Long ago, before the Internet and cell phones, my husband and I dated the old-fashioned way and only relied on phone chats, however, I didn't over do it with calling him because it wasn't my way and he wasn't a talker either. We made it work in other ways because whenever we were together, that's when we made up for lost time, had great conversations and fabulous times together. You can, too with your guy.

 

My thoughts are to make the best of your situation. Do things the old-fashioned way since it's what works for you and him. Write down everything you want to say to him the next time you see him in person. Discuss at length then. In some ways, not bombarding him with electronic communication will keep your relationship fresh and prevent it from becoming too familiar and stale.

 

If you really like him a lot, you do the best you can since he is the way he is. I agree with others. Never hound a man otherwise he'll lose interest in you quickly. Always remember to have an aura of mystery because men find that alluring. Remember, too much familiarity breeds contempt. Remain cool while kind. Back off.

 

Change the way you think. You can make this work if you play your cards right.

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Do you actually have solid plans for the 3rd date (before you leave for vacation)? If so, don't worry about his lack of texts - just see how things go on the date; if not, then I'd agree that his lack of texting could indicate lack of interest (particularly now that you've slept together).

 

And how long will you be on vacation? Is he going to be seeing other women while you're gone?

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I've had very high interest after the first date!

 

Commitment?

 

That takes much more than just "interest" imo. Like mutually-felt deep feelings, leading to love, or actually being in love, and yeah that takes way more than two dates.

 

One step at a time.

 

Lovely. However, was this directed at my reply?

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