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Ok so I posted here about a week ago. Basically I met a beautiful Brazilian girl online. I flew to meet her when she was on vacation to Miami -first kiss... dance.. best day of my life. I flew to live with her family twice after that. Everything was amazing in person. She then came here to the US to live with my family for a bit. I realized that her parents are sort of abusive and I definitely overstepped a few times in trying to defend her. Then her parents started hating me for religious reasons and probably because I overstepped. I got insult after insults, they started even picking on my weight my weight and then I was shunned for some months. They were really looking to attack me on everything and anything. I didn't handle it well, and I made mistake after mistake. I was under a lot of pressure because I was going to move away from my warm family to a family that treats me like this. Our plan was that I would live in Brazil for some months and then I would move to Israel with her and her family and join the army. It was a ton of pressure but I saw a good future. I saw a bit of their anger issues in my then GF- which concerned me. There were so many times I told her that I was falling into a depression and she wasn't there for me. She told me to cry to my family and stay with them. He was just growing doubtful, angry and impatient as I was telling my family I was leaving them. But I also know what she was going through with her family. She wasn't giving me enough love and support in leaving my family- she started making me feel like they were making me feel.

 

I should have realized that they are my GF's parents and I should have kissed up more- no matter how they treated her or myself. I think that if I really fought hard enough, I could have fixed everything. The girl was really going to war with her family for me and I let her down. I did really horrible sneaky things to tell the mom off. I sent an anonymous text from a Brazilian number saying she abuses her daughter... I don't know what I was thinking. Right after I did it, I made the mom an entire book filled with pics of her cooking and pics of her with her daughter, but my GF told me its over and on one wants to see the book. After the break up, I sent my ex so many messages and I went into her accounts. She blocked me on everything and I couldn't take what I lost. I don't know what I was thinking.

 

My family said that the sudden weight gain and the crazy compulsive behavior was from the anxiety medication I was taking. The medication did make me a lot more confident and careless, so maybe it caused me to overstep. When the insults became too much.... I started taking so much of it because I though it would numb me. But I don't know how much of everything I could blame on some medication.

 

Basically every single person in the world says that I need to move on from this and that there is no fix- and I have to agree. The beautiful moments we shared were so strong. The experiences I had in going to Brazil... My first kiss... My first love... Losing my best friend. The person I spoke to constantly. She always made me such cute gifts. She always cried in the airport when I left Brazil. That feeling someone loves you so much. I really gave her so much of myself and I was always there for her. And she was SO beautiful.

 

She used to phone I bought her to tell me that she doesn't love me anymore. Just thinking about her with other men... It ended like 7 months ago, but this depression is so bad. I lost all of my creativity. I'm not inspired by anything anymore. I doubt I will ever have a relationship that good. I doubt I will ever meet someone that beautiful or cute. The insults still scar me. Hearing her say that she doesn't love me anymore scars me. The fact that I ruined it and kept ruining it scars me. The fact that there is no fixing it scars me. The fact that I will NEVER see her again scars me. I am trying so hard to work on myself. I have a job. I spend more time with friends. Im working out a lot more. But the depression and the ruminating over what could have been. It doesn't stop. It really doesn't stop. What can I do.

 

I tried therapy once and it was basically just saying what happened. What can I do. I can't take this depression. It's too much for me. I miss being happy.

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The thought of you living with them and accepting their abuse is what scares me.

 

You can't see it now because you are still deep in NOT accepting that its over and that you were no meant to spend your life with THEM. (It wasn't just her you would be with)... but you will accept one day and get past this depression over her. You need to stop thinking of her, blaming yourself and wallowing in your reverie of her. Change your thoughts to something else and continue to see your therapist to help you process it all.

 

Stop all thoughts of never finding anyone as good as her... it wasn't all that great because she came with a rancid parcel of people that were cruel to you. In time you will find a nice girl whose parents aren't abusive arses and you will love her more than this infatuation you had with the Brazilian.

 

Good luck, I hope you feel better soon.

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This was not the normal pace of dating, having to spend enormous amounts of time in her family home when you barely knew her. LDRs and dating someone of another culture adds to the stresses of relationships, which are already a lot of work to begin with.

 

Your being upset over the end of your first love is normal. Just know that no contact, time, and distance will let you begin a process of healing after the mourning process has ended.

 

In the future, I recommend sticking to local dating so you can date at a normal pace. To meet someone again you'll be attracted to, and with whom you share chemistry, is highly likely. The myth of "the one" is just that--a myth. There are probably thousands of people in the world you could have chemistry with. It's just biological. But in sticking with local dating, you can see much quicker who you're compatible with or not. You usually have to date a boatload of people before meeting one who shares all your life goals, etc. Plus, you won't have to leave a warm family for a tough life starting over in someone else's country.

 

Fate has someone else in store for you. One day you will realize why it was best this relationship didn't work out. Take care.

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The girl comes bundled with her horrid horrid family who made you so sad you started taking meds. Being alone is better than that!!!

 

And now that you are what stories are you telling yourself? The stories we tell ourselves are powerful. Anyone would be sad about the relationship ending but when you expand on that with ‘I’m always going to be alone’ your mood’s gonna nose dive hard

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I'm sorry, aydenkk90.

 

At 7 months, you're still healing and it will take a long time to recover from your heartbreak. Give it lots of time.

 

I'm glad you have a job to keep you busy and productive and very happy that you surround yourself with good friends. Hopefully, your friends are an excellent support network for you.

 

I know you're ruminating on what could've been. We all do that. What can you do? Sometimes you need to wait for the light to turn on. Then one day you will tell yourself that there are times when certain relationships were not meant to be even if it was good in the beginning. Some relationships run its course and then there are circumstances which cannot be helped such as personality differences between families.

 

If you think about it, not all in-law type relationships are idyllic. Some in-law situations barely tolerate each other in the name of peace, however, it doesn't mean we gush over one another. It's universal.

 

Even though you sorely regret what you did wrong and feel remorseful about it, your ex gf and her family had their part in the downfall of your relationship, too. When you look at it that way, it was bound to eventually dissolve one way or another. It takes a lot of factors to be compatible with everyone. Your gf's parents have strong ties to her and she is part of them in your previous dynamic with her, unfortunately. They have very volatile, strong personalities which may not be suitable for everyone including you.

 

They criticized your weight gain and physical appearance. They wore you down and something like that would wear a lot of people down. It's not normal to be treated that way. In many ways, it's a relief not to be called names based upon your weight and physical appearance. Good riddance to them!

 

So what if she was SO beautiful? She and her family eventually made your life miserable. Granted, you weren't right for what you did to her family so both sides were in the wrong. Hopefully, your key takeaway from this mess is that you've since learned to behave yourself in the future no matter how tempting it is to act against your better judgment.

 

When you dig deeper and find reasons why it didn't work out, your previous depressive thoughts begin to think more logically and sensibly. Also, know that the past was not all in vain. Wisdom was gained on your part. You will be wiser as you navigate your future, perhaps you can afford to be pickier and choosier when it comes to people in your life and you'll know how to behave yourself with proper self-control. Transform your depression into harsh lessons learned, apply your new smarts starting today and move forward.

 

Many times, in order to transition from depression to acceptance and joy, you need to change the way you think. Once you change the way you think, you transform depression into learning how to enjoy life again and counting your blessings.

 

Gratitude is one of the secrets to happiness. If you can find a nugget of gratitude in your life, I hope it will make you happy either now or one day soon. For starters, be grateful for your job and spending time with your good friends which is something to appreciate very much.

 

Chin up and hang in there, aydenkk90.

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The best thing to do is get to a good physician and review your symptoms, medication, side effects and most of all the proper doses and taking the medication appropriately.

 

Also some support talk therapy would help you in your journey and to monitor your medications and their efficacy. Don't just go once then start popping pills and assuming what are side effects. Keep in mind that these medications are not club drugs and more won't make you "higher".

 

You also need to improve your overall health with appropriate nutrition, activity and getting in shape. It will be difficult to feel well in general and about yourself in particular if you don't make some lifestyle changes and start taking care of your health.

 

 

The Brazil girl incident is more of a symptom than a cause of your mood disorder an it's mismanagement..

My family said that the sudden weight gain and the crazy compulsive behavior was from the anxiety medication I was taking.

 

The medication did make me a lot more confident and careless, so maybe it caused me to overstep.

 

I started taking so much of it because I though it would numb me. But I don't know how much of everything I could blame on some medication.

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In person things were great. But whenever I went back to the US, they were in full attack bully mode. Maybe once they accepted me, things would have gotten better?

 

But they didn't accept you.

 

Best thing to do is deal with things how they really are, not how you wished they'd turned out. You can waste YEARS wishing.

 

I promise, you will not look back 30 years from now and wish you'd spent more time pining over this woman.

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In person things were great. But whenever I went back to the US, they were in full attack bully mode. Maybe once they accepted me, things would have gotten better?

 

Stop this type of thinking in its tracks. If you were meant to be with her, you would still be with her. Get onto the stage of getting over her and out of the stage of hope. Acceptance of the fact that it's over is what will get you past this "severe depression" you are in. You've yet to eve accept and that is you not looking after your own best interests.

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I went into a deep depression after my fiancé dumped me for another woman. (while I was planning my wedding...which brought me to this site!) I've read that depression is self-hatred for blaming yourself. (situation depression) I believe it. I BLAMED myself for him running to another woman. I was going thru menopause and BPD situations...ugh. SO STOP BLAMING YOURSELF!!!

 

Yes...my guy was handsome too. 10 years later I still feel like I've never been as in love with anyone as much as him! But....we had issues. You and her family had issues. It would NOT have been happily ever after! Take your time to get over her. Grieve what was. But quit blaming yourself. At 6 weeks I started making lists. I still have them on my refrigerator...from years ago.

 

Tell yourself this is the day I'm gonna start my new life. (pick a day....it doesn't have to be right now!) And saw....today I will only let myself think of her twice a day. Anytime she pops into your mind....MENTALLY CHANGE YOUR THOUGHTS. Give yourself 10 min. in the morning to grieve...and then tell yourself...now I'm moving on.

 

Then I made a list to FOCUS on. (I just looked at my list...lol)

Things like pay bills. ( I had let them slide)

Clean the bedroom. (my counselor told me just to clean one corner...a safe spot to relax. I had a soft chair where I went to read)

All I did during my deepest depression was sit on ENA!!! lol STOP and get outside!

I joined meetup groups...and it changed my life! I made new friends and went hiking!

 

With each thing on your list of 'to do's' cross them off. You will feel like you are accomplishing something!

 

Trust me....you were planning a future with her. The feelings aren't gonna end overnight. Go with the flow. My problems after the 'hope' stage that you're gonna get back together...you should enter the 'anger' stage. I never entered that. The anger went into me...as depression.

 

Took me 2 years to be free....

 

Oh....and I had lost 20 pounds when I first found out about the other woman....then started on anti-depressant's and I gained 20 pounds in ONE month...still hardly not eating! That made me more depressed. I got off them...they weren't helping!

 

Time is the only healer....but keep telling yourself...it's NOT your fault. Beauty isn't everything. Your are young...there WILL be someone else. Open your heart to the possibility that there will be someone out there...better suited for you! Your past is NOT your future. Keep putting one foot in front of the other. Mornings were by far the worst for me....Maybe give yourself those few minutes to 'dwell' and say...but that is my past! I'm gonna look Forward to my future.

 

One that day/date that you pick to start your new life...your new beginning....is the day that you start healing!

 

Good luck...sorry for the book. But...been there, done that!

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Several replied to you here. I think you should seek more help with the depression and turmoil. There are a lot of difficult emotions there. If body image issues are your trigger, please deal with these first before pursuing a relationship. If it's religion or lack of religion on your part or whatever differences there were between the both of you, you'll have to be honest about it and respect your differences. It's not enough to just fall in love. Plenty of people fall in love every day. Not all of it is sustainable or realistic in the relationship sense.

 

No one should have to go to war for anyone else either. This is coming from someone from a conservative background who did live and have a long term relationship with a transgendered person so you're preaching to the choir when it comes to going to war, sticking the flag and gathering the troops for all out bloodshed. There's one thing I've learned: some wars are not necessary in order to get your message across and most wars can be avoided with careful tact and diplomacy. You do not need anyone to go to war and the point is not to ever have to go to war when it comes to you, your family or another person's family. It's the wrong message you'll be sending and you'll come out with scars a lot deeper than they have to be. It's not worth it. Take it easy and learn from the pain and the lessons.

 

Hope you feel better soon. Come around here now and then and contribute some of your thoughts on the forum. Take your mind off with some hobbies and do some reading, meet new people but not for the sole purpose of a relationship or gaining or falling in love.

 

Your other thread: https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=561207

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In person things were great. But whenever I went back to the US, they were in full attack bully mode. Maybe once they accepted me, things would have gotten better?

 

When things were great in person, it's not good enough. In order to have harmonious relationships, it needs to be smooth and pleasant whether it's in person or not. That's the key.

 

Regarding, acceptance, some people are fickle. Some parents just don't only zero in on your weight and appearance and feel that no man or woman is good enough for their grown adult child. They will always find an excuse not to accept and welcome you into their fold.

 

Some families are barely civil yet it doesn't mean they're fond of you. Many family trees are this way with in-laws in particular.

 

Some couples have a work around and have peace with everyone despite not feeling close to extended family members and in-laws.

 

In your situation, it sounds like there were too many polar opposite personalities which you cannot force to combine. That type of dynamic can't continue to function normally and smoothly. It was better that the relationship dissolved anyway because you couldn't have continued on that same track and neither could they.

 

You can't wish what could've been because it's all in the past. It wasn't meant to be. People are not always compatible, however, it doesn't mean you have to lose hope. There are plenty of very good people who will not give you a hard life.

 

Think positively and consider this bad experience as harsh lessons learned. You'll have better discernment when it comes to choosing the right people in your life from now on and you'll know what NOT to do in the future. Think positively.

 

Also, I'll chime in and advise you to take better care of your health. Being overweight isn't always only about your physical appearance. You're damaging your heart health. Exercise, eat right and less, lose weight for real, look and feel great. Think about preventing hypertension, heart attack, diabetes, strokes and everything associated with extra pounds.

 

When you take good care of your health, your negative thoughts should start to diminish, you'll have high self esteem and your self confidence will soar. You'll feel better about yourself and become attractive to others because you are secure. You'll like yourself better and you won't fret about feeling "accepted." You'll shine on your own and you will be appreciated for being a new honorable man. Start fresh and become a new person. Be positive and put your foot in the right direction.

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