Badlover Posted August 10, 2019 Share Posted August 10, 2019 I know there isn’t much anybody can tell me, I’m just really hurt and needing to vent. I met a guy online, and had a connection to him like I’ve never experienced. After the first few weeks we got into a big argument about how I’m not into uncommitted sex, but that’s the only way he dates. Says he needs to ease into relationships, but likes to act like a couple until he reaches that point. After that argument, I opened up and explained my fears. That nothing good has ever come from sex for me. I’ve never had a positive outcome, and I’d like to wait until someone is my boyfriend before sleeping with him. Afterwords, things between us went a little too far one night, and he ended up doing a sexual favor on me. I didn’t want things to go farther so I left his house. After this we had multiple arguments about sex and commitment. He would angrily blow up at me like, “Why do you think I’m going to f*** you and leave you? I’m not going to f*** you and leave you!” He’d ask, “Who hurt you? And, “You feel this way because your exes didn’t treat you the way they were supposed to”. One day he got mad at me about something unrelated, and called me over to talk. During the argument he said he didn’t think our situation was right for him because I had too many rules. He said he loved the connection we had and it felt unnatural for me to keep trying to tame it. I told him I wasn’t into just hooking up, grabbed my keys and headed for the door. He stopped me talking about how much he cares for me and can’t I see the little things he does to let me know I’m special to him. He said he wanted to talk about our relationship status, and that he wanted to date me exclusively. He said we are 100% monogamously dating, but not bf and gf. He deleted all of his dating apps, and I did the same. Immediately after he became super affectionate, and we ended up sleeping together. As I was on my way out the door, he introduced me to his roommate as his “friend”. This really hurt me. The very next day his grandmother died, and I held off mentioning it. The day after, I told him and for a solid 7 days he was absolutely miserable. We spoke everyday, but he sounded like he was crying half the time, and extremely angry others. He was dark and it was a little scary. When he started feeling better he called me and told me he took her death hard, and that he resented me the entire week for bringing up that “friend” incident the day after his grandma died. He said he really liked me and wanted to keep dating me, but didn’t want to have sex with me again until we were something more. He said the first reason was because he knew I’d want to comfort him, and that he didn’t want to get lost in intimacy with me and not grieve properly. The second reason was that he was emotionally tapped out, and didn’t have the capacity to deal with me getting upset over sex related issues. Later that day he invited me over to stay the night, and I was confused because he said no sex. The next day before I was to come over, I called and asked him if we were sticking to not sleeping together because we are in fact friends. He said not sleeping with me would be impossible for him, and then he blew up at me like never before. He completely lost his temper like never before and started screaming at me. He was yelling, “I feel like you’re trying to get me to break up with you, and I’m not going to do it. If you don’t want to be with me, you need to tell me!!” He went on saying, “I’m not going to f*** you and leave you! So what if we have sex? I’m a good guy! We’re dating exclusively, and we are not friends. I am not trying to hurt you! I’m not going to hurt you! You’re making me out to be this scumbag trying to take advantage of you!” He went on and on and all I could say was, “Stop, please, just stop”. He finally calmed down and said that I’m really protective of myself, and maybe it’s because of bad experiences in my past. I told him about how my father has a sex addiction, and when I lived with him, there were nights when he’d loudly have sex with 3 different women in the house with me in a single day. He said he really just missed me and wanted to spend time together, and I came to his house. As soon as I got there he began taking off my clothes and we had sex multiple times that night and I slept over. After that, he completely stopped being sexual with me. If I made a sexual comment, he’d shoot it down. He became very sweet, and almost goofy and childish. He would video chat me every day as normal and blow me kisses, and we would still go on dates but I noticed all sexual interest had died. He was affectionate and gentle, he’d tickle and play with me. Hold me and try to make me smile. He’d ask me a lot about my life, career and parents, and seemed to let his guard completely down. I noticed him getting moody, and he went with his best friend’s family on an impromptu vacation. He said he felt like he needed it because he had been in a weird funk. When he got back last weekend, he was at a high. Super happy, but didn’t ask me to hang out so I made plans with my friends instead. He watched and commented on all my Snapchat stories and Insta pictures, and called me as usual. I noticed he was being really sweet and playful with me. Trying to make me laugh and smile more than ever before. I got the vibe he felt like I was fragile and wanted to take care of me like a little kid or something. All of our conversations were nonsexual, and it started to feel almost like he was taking care of me. Finally the other day he called me and told me that he knows he’s been weird lately and thanked me for not pressuring him. He said he has not been the same since his grandma died, and thought the vacation would help him out but it didn’t. Last month, before she died he was very into dating and going out. Ever since, he has not had the desire and has been forcing himself. He asked me if we could remain exclusive but not date each other while he grieved. He said he knew it was selfish because he had no idea how long he would need, and I didn’t have to respond right away, I could take time and think about it. I told him, “No” because that honestly sounded unreasonable. Then he said he didn’t want me to block or delete him on social media or cut him out of my life. He said he still wanted to talk to me cause he likes talking to me. He said he’s not getting back on the dating apps because he isn’t interested in dating me or anyone else at this time, but if I did he understood. He said he still feels a connection with me and asked if I still felt one with him. Said that when he’s feeling better in a few months, can we get coffee and see how we feel about each other? I said, “Yes” and asked him if he wanted to be friends. He said no because he has very strong sexual feelings for me and can’t be my friend. I agreed not to block him but was very confused by his request. I ended the conversation and tried to process everything. Later that night, I decided that I needed to block and delete him to help myself heal. I sent him a very nice text saying “I’m sorry to do this, but I must block you on everything including your number. No hard feelings. God bless you and your family.” I’m very hurt, and I hope I made the right decision by blocking him. I feel like I’ve done everything wrong and I’m so upset right now. My life coaches/therapists held my hand through this entire relationship, and they encouraged me to keep seeing him, even when I wasn’t sure I should. I told them everything and they said to stick it out and that he was of high value and good for me. I’m feeling like I’ll never have a boyfriend again. I haven’t had a boyfriend since 2014/15. Guys either leave me because I won’t have sex, or because I do have sex. Sex or no sex ends all of my relationships and now I don’t know how to proceed. People have sex all the time while dating and are able to build meaningful connections. Some people have sex on the first date, others the third, others not until marriage. Why is sex my blocker? Link to comment
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