10 years 2 kids left me for another man advice please

[Rose Mosse]

Your first post mentions that you weren't as faithful either at the start. If cheating is a cause for ending the relationship, this should have ended a long time ago but both of you are still here. That's why this is a trial for you, not a dealbreaker. Seeing other people, hanky panky, emotional mindgames have all worked their way in so that it's part of a the normal workings of how both of you operate and function as a dysfunctional couple. You're very aware of any hypocritical remarks you make against her and that's why you've asked many questions about whether all this is ok for you.

 

I think you should heal yourself and find personal therapy to heal what's been broken inside you for a long time (trust and faith in others and in yourself). Someone who engages in distrustful behaviour has usually committed the worst transgression against his/her own self: you can't trust yourself. You're going to have to start at ground zero, right from the beginning with the first person you screwed over: yourself. Second is her and the kids. Perhaps, vice versa and that's the work she needs to do with herself too.

 

It doesn't sound at this rate like anything will be fixed or come to any solution easily. At worst, you have an unstable mum running between houses (yours and others) and in and out of your kids' lives. At best, you still have some civility. I think you should work on those boundaries like you already mentioned and work on yourself (heal yourself) in tandem. You cannot recognize hurtful and debilitating behaviours around you until you heal yourself. You're too broken and unsound right now. Take the time to heal.