Bowdan28 Posted August 3, 2019 Share Posted August 3, 2019 Hi all, This is my first post ever on a forum, I am basically looking for some success stories of people who have broken up due to unfortunate life circumstances and then reconciled? Please, no negativity or Â‘just get on with itÂ’ - I am getting on with it but my story is quite exceptional to a degree so can anyone relate and has a similar story that ended well, IÂ’d love to hear them! HereÂ’s mine: I met my (ex) bf 5 months ago via a dating app, I was quite closed off at that point and not really interested in meeting anyone after having a few awful meets and dates. I still kept the app and started chatting to him, we had a very good communication and he finally convinced me to meet him, we met, had an amazing attraction and connection and both agreed it was the best first date either had ever had. The next date we had, he told me that he had been married previously and that they had filed for divorce the year before, he wanted to make sure that wasnÂ’t a problem for me moving forward, he was very open and honest and we agreed to continue dating. A month on and he was the most affectionate, open and loving person I had ever met! Never known a guy like it! I had met his friends and then he asked me to be official, we were both over the moon when I said yes! A few weeks into our official relationship, still all was well, we were supposed to be meeting that evening for some dinner and early that morning, he messaged me telling me his dad had died and asked me to go round.. my heart dropped and I flew round like a shot! He was a mess, he was so distraught and it was not nice to see at all. I spent the next few hours comforting him as he was on the phone to his family and arranging to go to them that day (he was from a different city 4 hours from where we lived, thatÂ’s where all of his family were) I decided to drive him 3 hours and his sister picked him up from there so he didnÂ’t have to get a train in the state he was in. He messaged me later that day and thanked me for everything I had done and said he didnÂ’t know what he would have done without me. A week later, he was coming back to where we lived and was going to see a family friend who lived an hour away from where we live, he asked me if I wanted to come there and stay the night to meet some of the family and the family friends, so I did, they all had a time reminiscing of his father and I met some of the family and the friends, we came back the next day. I then went home to sort some things and went back to his that night, cooked him dinner and held him all night. The weeks running up to the funeral, he was very up and down but still quite himself, he was still so sweet and loving, and we grew even closer, he leaned on me a lot. I got him a present to help cheer him up and keep his mind off everything and the reaction was amazing, he nearly cried and thanked me for being Â“the best bird a guy could ask forÂ” - he said often how lucky he was to have me and that I was a rare breed. A week or so later, my birthday, he felt bad that he couldnÂ’t get me a nice present after having to contribute towards the funeral etc. But he made so much effort, he cooked for me, filled his flat with balloons and a cake and wine, and he got me a key cut to his place - it was so thoughtful. The last week running up to the funeral he was a little miserable but was still himself mostly. Then he went home for the actual funeral, I offered to attend but his ex wife and her family were going and he didnÂ’t want any more discomfort on that day than necessary which I completely understood so we agreed that I would go down to his hometown the day after for a few days to support him, meet the rest of his family and bring him home. He decided the day after the funeral that he didnÂ’t want to stay down there and wanted to come home so his sister gave him a lift back, I went round that evening and it was like he was a different person, he was so solemn, very down and so quiet, it was worrying. I spent the night and the following day, tried to get him up to do something to take his mind off everything, he didnÂ’t budge, he just wanted to sleep. I asked him if he wanted me to go and he said no, then he fell asleep again, I told him I would go and run some errands whilst he rests and would come back later to make him some dinner. Later on, I messaged and asked what he fancied and he said he just wants to be on his own, so I respected his wishes and said I was there if he needs me. The following days, he was very distant, I mentioned it and he asked me not to take it personally, he was pushing everything out at the moment in order to sort his head out, I said to take his time and I checked in with him now and again. During this period, he went back to his hometown, he said it felt better to be near his family and that he was thinking about moving back, I asked him not to rush into anything but knew that him and his family were struggling so I understand if thatÂ’s what he has to do. We both said we would do long distance if needs be. In the end he decided to move back there, it all happened so fast but I started to see more positivity from him once he had made his decision, I still felt it was too fast to do something so drastic but he did, thatÂ’s grief for you I guess! In the time running up to his move (only a couple of weeks) I helped him a lot financially with him going back and forth to his hometown etc. And he celebrated his 30th Birthday, we had a lovely day together and I spoiled him as i do with those I care for! (Just my nature) then he moved. A week into his move, he swooped right back down into a massive depression, he didnÂ’t like his flat, his job or anything about his hometown (the reason he left in the first place) he leaned on me massively for support as he did through this entire time and wouldnÂ’t tell his family he was struggling so much as they were leaning on him and he wanted to be strong for them. A week later, I went to see him, he seemed to have perked up a bit but I could tell he just wasnÂ’t himself, he struggled intimately (he had done since the day he heard of his dad passing) and just wasnÂ’t his affectionate self. When I left, I had a strange feeling, I got upset on the drive home and messaged when I got back saying IÂ’d arrived safely and asking him if there was something wrong.... The message I received was him saying that he is struggling mentally and heÂ’s not himself at all, he doesnÂ’t feel affection and feels a little dead inside, he said he was going to get some help from his GP but that at the moment, he couldnÂ’t deal with the pressure and expectation that a relationship unintentionally puts on him. He thanked me for everything I had done for him and said he needed some time to sort himself out and heal before he can commit properly. I spent the next 2 days messaging asking if it was me, something I had done etc. I even accused him of having someone else! Being very unlike myself as I am so patient and understanding usually, he always replied and said itÂ’s nothing I have done and that IÂ’ve been amazing, he just canÂ’t be in a relationship at the moment. I think itÂ’s a combination of his entire year, getting divorced and losing a parent in 12 months is a lot for a person to handle. I have accepted it and respect his need for time and space but I am so hurt! I did a lot for him and we got so close! I decided very early on that he was for me, my kind of person and someone I wanted a future with, I know it was short term but believe me! I have been with people for 2 years and never felt like that! Never have they had that impact on me or me on them as we kept saying to each other! It was strange but so right! IÂ’m So upset to be losing something so special because of no fault in the relationship! I still have hope, but I need a boost! Apologies for the long post! Can anyone share any successes of reconciliation from any similar situations?? Link to comment
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.