My ex is mad I slept with someone else

[Seraphim]

Many people have said this too. That he chose his family over the family he created. He now lives with his parents, out of the city. They help alleviate his financial obligations bc they provide him a place to stay and eat. When he has the kids he had tons of helping hands. He hasn’t even cooked a meal for them, his mother cooks all of them. She takes the kids to their appointments, they buy the kids clothing and toys. So he basically just has to show up

There is your answer . If he had to man up he would come home.

[itsallgrand]

You never answered my question.

What was your contingency plan in case something in life goes awry, as it often does?

Why are you able to receive assistance at all when you can work but don't want to right now , and the father is there able to do his bit providing for his kids?

[abitbroken]

Well not talking to him is not an option. We have 7 kids. We will always have to be in each others lives to some aspect. Lawyers are not mediators and cannot facilitate visitations and discuss the children’s needs on our behalf. Which means we have to adult up and still be parents

 

Right, but they can decide who gets custody and what the visitation schedule is. AND child support

[Hollyj]

Is he giving you support? What happened to your savings? Where is the money for the house?

Why are you so cash strapped?

[maew]

Many people have said this too. That he chose his family over the family he created. He now lives with his parents, out of the city. They help alleviate his financial obligations bc they provide him a place to stay and eat. When he has the kids he had tons of helping hands. He hasn’t even cooked a meal for them, his mother cooks all of them. She takes the kids to their appointments, they buy the kids clothing and toys. So he basically just has to show up

 

He is behaving like a child.... and this is how he is treating you as well. Getting angry and throwing tantrums when he doesn't get his way, cutting you off when you don't do what he wants... while you as the mature adult in this situation sit by waiting for him to come to his senses.

 

I was in a 15 year marriage to a man child and the reality is... they never change. The awesome thing about man children is that they can be super fun to be around, are good with kids, act carefree and idealistic... the not so awesome thing is that as soon as they have to take responsibility for anything or have to deal with their feelings, they turn into tyrants.

 

I know it's hard to let go especially when you have kids together... it sucks that he chose not to work on the marriage, however at the end of the day you deserve to be with someone that will stick by you, communicate like a mature adult, and has a family that likes and appreciates you.

[boltnrun]

Many people have said this too. That he chose his family over the family he created. He now lives with his parents, out of the city. They help alleviate his financial obligations bc they provide him a place to stay and eat. When he has the kids he had tons of helping hands. He hasn’t even cooked a meal for them, his mother cooks all of them. She takes the kids to their appointments, they buy the kids clothing and toys. So he basically just has to show up

 

So how is it he's claiming he can't afford child support?

 

If he could "afford" to support them while he was still living with the family he can "afford" to support them now that he's chosen to live separately.

 

I still think there's someone else in the picture. Absolutely everyone says "no way, he's not possibly seeing someone else!"...until they see the Facebook photo or the Instagram post.

[UnicornMama]

Is he giving you support? What happened to your savings? Where is the money for the house?

Why are you so cash strapped?

 

Ummm again where are you getting this info? Where did I say I’m cash strapped? Where did I mention savings? I think you just like to feed into things that has nothing to do with you or the original post. Quite frankly getting tired of people prying for more information that is completely irrelevant. If you have something supportive or beneficial to my OP then offer it, otherwise please continue on your way. ✌️

[UnicornMama]

He is behaving like a child.... and this is how he is treating you as well. Getting angry and throwing tantrums when he doesn't get his way, cutting you off when you don't do what he wants... while you as the mature adult in this situation sit by waiting for him to come to his senses.

 

I was in a 15 year marriage to a man child and the reality is... they never change. The awesome thing about man children is that they can be super fun to be around, are good with kids, act carefree and idealistic... the not so awesome thing is that as soon as they have to take responsibility for anything or have to deal with their feelings, they turn into tyrants.

 

I know it's hard to let go especially when you have kids together... it sucks that he chose not to work on the marriage, however at the end of the day you deserve to be with someone that will stick by you, communicate like a mature adult, and has a family that likes and appreciates you.

 

Thank you! I appreciate this ❤️

[jimthzz]

it is possible. I come from a family of 10 kids. My dad was a physician. We went on month-long car trips across the Western USA every year in the 60s-70s. Our home was a middle-class 5-bedroom kind of place.

 

If my parents stuck to just two kids they would have been materially rich. To my relief, number 5, they did not stop breeding...

 

Obviously, a lessor income wold have seriously inhibited disposable income.

 

Well ,yes I as a physician’s family I can see how you would have luxury but every day Joe’s with seven kids are not going to have a luxury home or a luxury vacation . My uncle had five kids and just keeping them in a 4000 square-foot home and a holiday to Florida every year almost killed him .

 

We lived next to a freeway and I would not describe the house a luxurious. I worked my way through college, had a job since middle school. The house was nowhere near a 4,000/sqft home.

 

The ONE luxury was camping our way across the West, staying in the yards of relatives.

 

My point is that it is possible to have a large family and to make the bills. Key is to have the older kids get paid jobs as soon as possible.

[UnicornMama]

Right, but they can decide who gets custody and what the visitation schedule is. AND child support

 

We’re in the process. Just had a meeting this past week. We couldn’t come to an agreement so the next steps is mediation or court. Mediation costs $$$ here and court can take up to 2 years. So we’re basically at this point just following a interim visitation agreement.

[UnicornMama]

We lived next to a freeway and I would not describe the house a luxurious. I worked my way through college, had a job since middle school. The house was nowhere near a 4,000/sqft home.

 

The ONE luxury was camping our way across the West, staying in the yards of relatives.

 

My point is that it is possible to have a large family and to make the bills. Key is to have the older kids get paid jobs as soon as possible.

 

Exactly!!!

 

I’m also an excellent budgeter. I don’t pay for things that are not necessity. We don’t have smart TVs in every room or tablets and iPads for everyone. I manage my money very well for one, for two we both had good jobs. He was working up his career, I was going to upgrade later. It’s not as if we were slinging McDonalds for a living.

[HeartGoesOn]

Please keep it respectful, Unicorn.

[abitbroken]

I predict she has no access to his income, and that the inlaws will sue for custody stating that they can provide every need while what should happen is dad should pay child support. Mom can't work with that many kids needing daycare - her whole paycheck would be take by that. 3 kids in daycare full time is a small fortune, plus latchkey for the 9 year old. If he were to pay for 100% childcare, she could work.

 

I bet all the savings for the house they want to buy was emptied by him

[Hollyj]

Ummm again where are you getting this info? Where did I say I’m cash strapped? Where did I mention savings? I think you just like to feed into things that has nothing to do with you or the original post. Quite frankly getting tired of people prying for more information that is completely irrelevant. If you have something supportive or beneficial to my OP then offer it, otherwise please continue on your way. ✌️

 

If one has money they are not receiving money from the tax payers. You said you were receiving assistance?! This is cash strapped!

[UnicornMama]

I predict she has no access to his income, and that the inlaws will sue for custody stating that they can provide every need while what should happen is dad should pay child support. Mom can't work with that many kids needing daycare - her whole paycheck would be take by that. 3 kids in daycare full time is a small fortune, plus latchkey for the 9 year old. If he were to pay for 100% childcare, she could work.

 

I bet all the savings for the house they want to buy was emptied by him

 

Yeah it’s unlikely his parents will sue for custody. They have no grounds. I’m fully capable of providing what the kids need. I’m also in Canada so our family laws differ. They literally would have to prove I’m incapable of being a fit parent to take my kids. Being low income doesn’t qualify. As for our savings I had my own put away luckily but he took the rest and left me with all the debt and bills he will be obligated to pay child support. Once our youngest is capable of going to preschool or kindergarten I’ll be upgrading my education and going back to work.

[UnicornMama]

If one has money they are not receiving money from the tax payers. You said you were receiving assistance?! This is cash strapped!

 

Just bc I receive help doesn’t mean I a. Don’t have savings b. That I’m strapped for cash. You are allowed a certain amount in savings that doesn’t effect your benefits. I also am a very capable person in managing my finances so that I’m not left with nothing. It’s called money management skills and I’m grateful I have them!

[Hollyj]

So the tax payers are supporting you, yet you have money. That's great! Good to know where my money is going.

[Hollyj]

Is your husband providing financial support?

[UnicornMama]

So the tax payers are supporting you, yet you have money. That's great! Good to know where my money is going.

 

Well actually since I’ve been paying into my taxes for close to 20 years, im going to say I have contributed just as much, but again thanks for your condescending judgment. Do you have anything better to do then troll my post?

[Seraphim]

The thing is she is Canadian so it isn’t any American money going anywhere. Being Canadian I don’t mind my tax money going to people who need a help up. My son will likely be on disability his entire life. I am ok for my tax dollars going to social programs. Most people on them didn’t ask to be there. And how we treat people who need a helping hand whether temporary or permanent is the test of our humanity.

So the tax payers are supporting you, yet you have money. That's great! Good to know where my money is going.

[Hollyj]

Well actually since I’ve been paying into my taxes for close to 20 years, im going to say I have contributed just as much, but again thanks for your condescending judgment. Do you have anything better to do then troll my post?

 

It doesn't work that way. I think you are thinking of Social Security. I have never utilized this resource, in all my 35 years, thank God! I would have to be pretty desparate, not have savings and a husband suddenly refusing to pay his share. This is why we were questioning the situation. you cannot afford to pay for. Doesn't sound the the money was managed so great!

[Hollyj]

The thing is she is Canadian so it isn’t any American money going anywhere. Being Canadian I don’t mind my tax money going to people who need a help up. My son will likely be on disability his entire life. I am ok for my tax dollars going to social programs. Most people on them didn’t ask to be there. And how we treat people who need a helping hand whether temporary or permanent is the test of our humanity.

 

This is a totally diffrent situation . Thank god there is support for your son, as he is on disability. He is entitled for a lifetime, just like in the U.S. There is no comparison with the situation. I support a welfare system for families in need. It is a necessary entitlement for many.

 

She is saying she has quite a bit of savings,yet is on welfare. What gets me, is that the husband is not giving his share. All of the sudden he is in incapable of supporting all the kids he created, yet has no expenses since he is with living with the family. And, she still rewards this creep with sex.

[itsallgrand]

I agree with Holly.

She's claiming low income so is receiving child benefits for 7 kids, plus assistance ( welfare?), plus legal aid, plus every church and community organization would be there helping her.

That's not money management , that's counting govt subsidies as money you earned.

This is two adults who chose to have 7 children, and I don't believe society is responsible for that. They both have means to work, not disabled, and to plan for providing for these kids.

And it's true, here children die with bio parents all the time because our system is so messed up in favour of biological moms.

It's nice to not want your kids in daycare, but it's not on other people to make that happen for you. She doesn't plan to work for years yet, because she knows she can make enough living off the govt. And then they will pay for her school because she is a single mother.

Meanwhile people like you, Seraphim, had to fight tooth and nail just to get the govt to acknowledge your son needs help. And people who choose to not have children they can not afford, they have zero help either.

She knows how to play the system , and she thinks that's money management. There are plenty of women out there not working, " I'm a mom first, employee second", because they realize they make more money having kids.

 

And yes, as a married woman, she shouldn't have been out having a one night stand risking yet another freaking pregnancy. It's the mentality that gets me. She's entitled. That's why she got so nasty that anyone would dare to ask how she had planned to take care of her kids in case of regular life bumps. No plan. That's irresponsible. Both parents in this are. It makes me sad for the kids.

[abitbroken]

he husband cuddles up to her so he gets sex and so she won't file for divorce and make him pay to help raise the kids. As long as he comes around now and again throwing her a bread crumb, he gets to keep his paycheck for himself and stay married and she gets nothing

[Seraphim]

I agree he should be paying for the kids. That is why they need to do this legally.