UnicornMama Posted August 1, 2019 Share Posted August 1, 2019 So my ex husband of 14 years up and walked out on me a mere few weeks after our last child was born. In a very traumatic way. He and his family (about 7 people) literally stormed my house, packed things up and tried taking our kids. It’s been 10 months since he left. Through out that 10 months I have been open and honest about not wanting a divorce and wanting to work on our marriage. He keeps playing hot and cold. He will tell me he still loves me, misses me and that I’m his everything. Yet in the same breath tells me he doesn’t think we can work out our problems. His family and I don’t get along and they have treated me poorly our entire marriage, and I take all the blame for everything. They are adamant about us not getting back together and have completely written me off. We are fairly civil and amicable but have had some hiccups along the way. He keeps our civil relationship a secret from his family. We have also continued to sleep together occasionally. Him always pursuing me, never me pursuing him. I just always fall weak and give in when he comes looking for it. Then he goes to being cold and heartless with me. Anyways we had a fight and he told me to eff off that he was done with me and wanted nothing to do with me. I have been completely devastated since he left. I adore and love this man more than anything. He was my best friend and we share 7 kids together. But after he told me this, and stopped talking to me or seeing his kids for weeks on end I went out and hooked up with a random. This was almost 10 months after he left. He asked me the other day if I had slept with anyone else and I said yes, (he’s back on talking terms again) he then told me it solidified everything and he could never be with me again. That he could not sleep with me ever regardless if we were together or not now. I said that was unfair and I did nothing wrong, he told me he agreed and that I didn’t do anything wrong but that’s just how his brain works. He then proceeded to tell me I lost the chance to get back with him, even though for almost a year he’s told me he doesn’t know what he wants and doesn’t think it could work out. But now he’s saying I always knew there was a chance he’d come home but now there is no chance. I’m devastated and feel gross and ashamed and like I cheated on him. I waited TEN FREAKING MONTHS before even considering it and it was awful! As soon as the other guy entered I knew I couldn’t do it, I stopped him got up and left, I told my ex this but he thinks I’m just saying that now. I told him yes there was penetration but that it didn’t feel right and I had to get out of there. This was also my first ever first night stand bc I’m just not that kind of girl. I’ve always been super conscious of who I sleep with. Does my ex have grounds to be upset? I get he has the right to decide if he’d want to have sex with me after being with someone else, but if he truly loved me and wanted our marriage to work it wouldn’t matter. He left me, he lead me on a string of emotional ups and downs for damn near a year. I’ve begged him to file for divorce or come home but he’s done neither. Saying he doesn’t know if he wants a divorce but doesn’t know if he wants to come home. Yet refuses to make any effort to work on the marriage or take the steps to finalize the ending. Could someone give me insight to why he’s feeling this way? Am I tainted and impure in his eyes now? Does he just look at me as property or a possession? Did I do something wrong? Should I have waited until he decided? Or until divorce papers were signed? Link to comment
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