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Advice needed. Not sure where to post this? Has anyone had a similar situation?


Chloej123
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It’s still angst and worry. It wasn’t financially sensible, at all, but I paid as much as I could right now and told him I’ll sort the rest as soon as I can, but to please not contact me.

 

Yes I know I need to expand my circle and stop socialising with these guys. They seem to be the only type to approach me and I end up back in with this type of guy. But things need to change. Tbh, I am taking a break from dating, meeting anyone right now.

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It’s still angst and worry. It wasn’t financially sensible, at all, but I paid as much as I could right now and told him I’ll sort the rest as soon as I can, but to please not contact me.

 

Yes I know I need to expand my circle and stop socialising with these guys. They seem to be the only type to approach me and I end up back in with this type of guy. But things need to change. Tbh, I am taking a break from dating, meeting anyone right now.

 

That sounds really passive. Who do you talk to - what social circles or volunteer work or groups are you in where there's no approaching -just people talking to each other in a natural way since you're all there for a common reason whether a hobby or a social event or volunteer work, etc. You don't "end up" with anyone - it's a choice on your part. Try to take the mindset that all of this is your choice and only a tiny, irrelevant part of it is out of your control - that is a mindset that will help you start off with a sense of responsibility and accountability -when you decide -if you decide - to date again.

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So after bolt mentioned pregnancy, i realized I must have missed some posts in your saga Chloe, so I went back and read your other thread, and MAN are the inconsistencies blaring for me right now...

 

First off... you mention the money as if its a new issue...

 

I have been split from my ex for a month. Anybody interested can see my previous threads for the why’s.

 

It was very toxic and had to end (cheating, emotional abuse etc). I am finally very much on the right path to moving on and I do NOT want him back.

 

The issue I now face is him not fully leaving me alone. I have him blocked on social media platforms and WhatsApp so he has resorted to email.

 

He has tried everything since the break up to get at me in different ways, jeapordise potential new men in my life and just generally trash talk about me.

 

He is now demanding I pay him for a holiday we went on together last month before we split. He earns a SIGNIFICANT amount of money (footballer in the prem) and my monthly salary does not even touch what he would make in a week!

 

Not only was it not before you split but rather after, a huge point, one you certainly wouldn't have forgotten, but also , he asked you for the money back pretty much right after the trip when you told him off and broke things off...yet in this post you act as if its a brand new traumatizing issue...its been a topic of contention in this toxic soup for a month now...surely you had to know it would come back up...

 

 

I didn’t mention something which is somewhat significant in why I am possibly still keeping the WhatsApp communication there. There is a chance I could be pregnant, which of course is terrifying and I am due to take a test tomorrow and meet with the local nurse.

 

 

x

 

Then the convenient pregnancy scare that also kept you tied to him...that just kinda fell by the way side.

 

At first I thought you were pulling our leg or purposefully being dramatic to avoid letting go, I still think its partially the latter but I also notice this little nugget...

 

 

I regret this so, so much. Have I just been used? I don’t know how somebody who apparently cared about me ever could do this to me. I am really struggling with anxiety and depression right now. And I even came off anti depressants when I met him, so this is just gutting for me .

 

Chloe, you clearly suffer from pretty bad anxiety, you mentioned it a few times and honestly your frantic posting style shows it. What Dr. ok'ed you going off your meds right after starting a new relationship?

 

The emotional/chemical one-two punch...geez no wonder youre everywhere with this.

 

Honestly, if it were me, and my mental health I'd try to get an appt to see someone ASAP... seriously... I hope you think about it.

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Ok then he can take you to court. Now that your "payment plan" proved and admitted is was a loan, he can proceed to collect the full amount. If he prevails, (which he will now that you've admitted and proven you owe him) they can tap your accounts, garnish your wages, etc. A monetary judgement can go to your credit score.

 

Not to mention it will be a public record and the best part..it may destroy your credit score. Very foolish to not contact an attorney and instead set up this "payment plan" and worse, now make up an ad hoc "payment plan", which of course would irritate anyone..Your games are going to cost you.

I paid as much as I could right now and told him I’ll sort the rest as soon as I can
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Not to mention it will be a public record and the best part..it may destroy your credit score. Very foolish to not contact an attorney and instead set up this "payment plan" and worse, now make up an ad hoc "payment plan", which of course would irritate anyone..Your games are going to cost you.

 

I agree. This was so poorly-handled and I fear it will come back to bite you, Chloe. A plan of your own creation, not drawn-up by an attorney who actually knows what they are doing, was plain silly. This isn't just a few hundred pounds paid back to a kind friend when you borrowed at a time of need. This is thousands, from a hot-headed and vindictive person who has no problem making life difficult for you. He has the anger and wherewithal to really screw you over here. I read that you sought suggestions from a local "advisor" but you didn't then pursue a formal agreement. Not wise.

 

With people like this, you need to do a much better job of protecting yourself and making smart choices. Thinking you can handle it on your own may wind up costing you a lot more than you bargained for.

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