Jump to content

Advice needed. Not sure where to post this? Has anyone had a similar situation?


Chloej123
 Share

Recommended Posts

The responses I’ve had that suggest I’m doing this because I want to stay attached to him some way are completely false.

 

I don’t think those who responded to this realise how badly I want to be done with this hence me paying as much as I can afford. I want to ESCAPE this whole situation. Even his name in my email inbox gives me a horrible overwhelming feeling of anxiety, dread and upset.

 

I have set up the 3 payments from tomorrow and then will be blocking him from emailing me. He will not like this and may get mad, but at least I cannot be scared of what I cannot see.

 

He has sent me one more email this evening asking when It will be done and the amount. I am not engaging as he is looking for further arguments or a response due to the way he worded it.

 

I just want out and for my mental health to be restored.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Replies 104
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

The responses I’ve had that suggest I’m doing this because I want to stay attached to him some way are completely false.

 

I don’t think those who responded to this realise how badly I want to be done with this hence me paying as much as I can afford. I want to ESCAPE this whole situation. Even his name in my email inbox gives me a horrible overwhelming feeling of anxiety, dread and upset.

 

I have set up the 3 payments from tomorrow and then will be blocking him from emailing me. He will not like this and may get mad, but at least I cannot be scared of what I cannot see.

 

He has sent me one more email this evening asking when It will be done and the amount. I am not engaging as he is looking for further arguments or a response due to the way he worded it.

 

I just want out and for my mental health to be restored.

 

Chloe, I’ve worked with women who left life thieves in the night with nothing but the clothes on their backs to escape danger, harassment and threats, you are talking about a guy who made snide comments twice and emailed about money. I’m not saying that to belittle your situation, I’m saying it because you can EASILY avoid him and his drama for your mental sanity. You are a willing participant, and until you decide you no longer want to be, this will continue and honestly, with all this silly back and forth and the fact that you’ve taken a trip post break up, it wouldn’t surprise me if you guys ended up together again, not saying that as a judgement, I’ve had my share of drama in relationships, especially when young, all I’m saying is, own it.

 

And read blues post it’s spot on.

 

Ditto.

 

I sat this thread out, and here's why: I think this is a teen soap that Chloe is writing as a horror movie or psychological thriller, and I fear that we here are helping out with the lighting and special effects as much as we're helping in the ways intended.

 

I'm sorry to be frank, because I know your discomfort and confusion is real, that the swirl of feelings is overwhelming, and I do feel for you. Sucks when we slip on a romantic banana peel and find ourselves in quicksand. But zoom out just a few inches and this is a lot of small potatoes being painted as big potatoes, and the theme of it all is the same mutual thirst for drama that has fueled this whole thing, from Point A to Point Today.

 

There is a line, not even so fine, between harassment and annoyance. An ex who b*tches about an Instagram post and sends an annoying text while drunk? That's two annoying moments, pretty run-of-the-mill in the global history of breakups, and not exactly a steady stream of lunacy. Someone who takes you on a trip, and asks you for some money twice—not a hundred times, but two times—when his ego is bruised? Annoying, not harassing. Given that it took him less than 24 hours to simmer down last time, odds are he would have simmered down this one. A month without posting so much on social media, a little diligence in avoiding certain bars and restaurants, and, presto, this whole thing is done. And were it genuinely escalate to anything scary or against the law—that is why big, civilized cities like London have a police force.

 

Flies are annoying. Little boys who cry sandboxes when their toy truck is taken from them are annoying. Ignore them, wait them out, and they go away; indulge them and they keep buzzing around your face, wailing in the sand.

 

But, alas, here you are. Payment plan initiated—fine. You walk away, eventually, with a clear conscience while getting a bit more of the drama. Just know—and I mean know this, so it's not mysterious when it happens—that there are a few more jabs on that walk. He's going to say something mean to you. He's going to say something to a friend. He's going to get drunk and find a way to text you. And, here and there, you're going to kind of hate that some small part of you is attracted to it, and gets a kick out of it.

 

But if you can just see all that it loses its power. It becomes an episode you've seen before, and the eyelids get heavy where they once opened wide.

  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I really hope that when he finally stops contacting you that you don't fall apart completely, Chloe.

 

I realize you say you don't want the drama, and on some level I believe that. However, I also don't think you are anywhere near ready to let go of him. This latest episode sucks, to be sure, but it does keep you attached to him in some way.

 

I personally think you could be doing a lot more to help yourself here, but what I would really brace for is the day when he stops looking for you altogether. Or the day when you hear about the other woman he's been dating (she surely exists, but you just haven't put a face to her yet) Or the day when you find out you were never the only one.

 

So much of your life right now is centred around him and what he thinks of you, and how he is still bothering you. He is still very much a major player in your emotional landscape at this point. Ask yourself how you will navigate that when he isn't and truly doesn't care what you do or where you are anymore.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

We have already rescued that point. I want nothing to do with him and I do imagine vice versa. This has just became a war to get at me now. He does not care for me in any way shape or form, and I am fully aware of that.

 

The same way I do not care for him in that way, he has put me through hell.

 

I got an aggressive email this morning to my old gmail telling me I am a ‘f***ing joke’ and to pay him in full immediately. So yes, I am very much done and I want out because I cannot take him any longer.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I spoke to a local adviser this morning. They advised if I set up a payment plan, which I have for my maximum affordability, technically he could still take me to court. Whether he won or not would be a different matter.

 

So it seems that although I have offered this and he is still continuing the demanding emails, they can’t do a lot more.

 

I guess I’m fearful of what he does next etc as a person

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

We have already rescued that point. I want nothing to do with him and I do imagine vice versa. This has just became a war to get at me now. He does not care for me in any way shape or form, and I am fully aware of that.

 

The same way I do not care for him in that way, he has put me through hell.

 

I got an aggressive email this morning to my old gmail telling me I am a ‘f***ing joke’ and to pay him in full immediately. So yes, I am very much done and I want out because I cannot take him any longer.

 

Interesting.

 

So you have an ex, harassing you and you block him and then decide to check an old email account...not only do you check it, which is curious enough given everything you’re going through, you see an email and instead of deleting it... you open it.... interesting...

 

I can’t keep pretending I don’t see through these childish games, I can’t.

 

Good luck Chloe.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I spoke to a local adviser this morning. They advised if I set up a payment plan, which I have for my maximum affordability, technically he could still take me to court. Whether he won or not would be a different matter.

 

So it seems that although I have offered this and he is still continuing the demanding emails, they can’t do a lot more.

 

I guess I’m fearful of what he does next etc as a person

You never did respond to what the value $ of this trip was

Link to comment
Share on other sites

That's because you were foolish enough to set up a "payment plan", rather than block and delete him On EVERYTHING and let him sue you if he wants to. As this adviser stated, whether he could win is another matter. Very foolish to keep engaging him and set up this "payment plan" nonsense.

 

Now that you established it was a loan by doing this "payment plan", yes, he can now demand payment in full. He's not a bank or credit card. Now you may have to take out a loan to pay him back in full because you engaged him, admitted it's a loan and set up this ridiculous "payment plan".

I spoke to a local adviser this morning. technically he could still take me to court. Whether he won or not would be a different matter.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Either before the trip or directly after, she had already put into writing that she would pay him. In a court of law, that would be seen as a legally binding contract.

 

I doubt that he would take her to court, but you never know. I think setting up the payment plan is the right thing to do. As I said earlier, sending him a check each month does not require her to communicate with him in any way.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

This is kind of like the pregnancy thing. A whole lot of angst over nothing.

 

I wonder what the next conflict will be over. Because there absolutely will be another one.

 

You never responded to my question. With over 8 million people in London how is it you keep meeting guys he knows? Are you still hanging out with the footballers?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share


×
×
  • Create New...