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Advice needed. Not sure where to post this? Has anyone had a similar situation?


Chloej123
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Yes. He is now demanding I pay him for a holiday we went on together last month before we split. He earns a SIGNIFICANT amount of money (footballer in the prem) and my monthly salary does not even touch what he would make in a week!

 

But your previous post says that you broke up before you went on the trip...

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Without having to go back and reread everything. He took her on a trip. It was a gift and based on the situation at that time, she had no financial obligation. Now that he's angry, he's insisting that she reimburse him for her share. He's doing it just be an a**. It's retaliation.

 

The only thing working against her is that while being intimidated, she said she'd give him money. No amount was discussed.

Give him $10 and call it a day.

 

Just for the sake of argument, if it did go to court a judge would throw it out.

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Oh! I didn't see that at all -I was just quoting from these posts. Confused. Maybe a different trip? Anyway she promised to give him some $.

 

He'd been harassing her and then suddenly invited her on this trip. She agreed because she still wanted to be with him. After they returned he was ignoring, not communicating, etc. So she chose to end it. After that he started insisting she give him money for the trip.

 

Close enough, Chloe?

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Without having to go back and reread everything. He took her on a trip. It was a gift and based on the situation at that time, she had no financial obligation. Now that he's angry, he's insisting that she reimburse him for her share. He's doing it just be an a**.

 

The only thing working against her is that while being intimidated, she said she'd give him money. No amount was discussed.

Give him $10 and call it a day.

 

Just for the sake of argument, if it did go to court a judge would throw it out.

 

Semi-agree. Give him the money. But then STOP dealing with him. Stop talking about him. Stop talking to him. Stop getting his messages. Attention feels good...we all know this. But if you truly want the guy gone, then do your part and STOP!

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I did not see that in this thread. I quoted what she wrote in this thread. If it’s a different story I was misled by what she wrote in this current thread. I agree with Reinvent to give him some small amount of money since she promised to give him some. From what I read they were together and did not break up until some time after they returned. And between when they got back and broke up she chose to wait for him to ask for money again rather than follow up on her promise to sort things out. I’m also not a fan of changing stories since it seems to me that partly she’s made herself a bit too available for him to stay in touch and now that he’s upping the stakes and asking for money she realizes she should have cut things off in a firmer way sooner.

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OP, you need to consult a lawyer. Not an advice forum.

 

We can speculate all day about what you should or should not do, and what we think is right, but the truth is that unless someone posting here is a legal expert in your jurisdiction, we are not qualified to advise you.

 

Where I currently live, for example, What's App communications are not admissible in court as written evidence of an agreement. There's no provision for it (yet) in my country of residence. Might there be in the UK? Perhaps. Find out what the laws are, explain your situation to a professional, and see what - if anything - you could be legally obliged to pay. Do not give him any money until you understand how that could be interpreted in a court of law, should this lunatic decide to come after you for more and use legal means. This guy apparently has the money and connections to cause you a lot of problems; get informed, and do it immediately.

 

That way, when you are up to speed on the legalities, you will know what is within your rights to refuse.

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Unfortunately, since he keeps stating "you owe me money", it's not considered harassment if the emails are to collect what he perceives as debt. Also the moment you send money you are proving it was a loan, not a gift and will be on the hook for the whole amount after that. It then gives him the right legally to collect that debt as long as you owe him. Do Not Pay Anything. It WILL NOT stop the harassment and in fact will increase it without repercussions for him. Let him sue you and let a judge decide. Done. It's that simple.

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Unfortunately, since he keeps stating "you owe me money", it's not considered harassment if the emails are to collect what he perceives as debt. Also the moment you send money you are proving it was a loan, not a gift and will be on the hook for the whole amount after that. It then gives him the right legally to collect that debt as long as you owe him. Do Not Pay Anything. It WILL NOT stop the harassment and in fact will increase it without repercussions for him. Let him sue you and let a judge decide. Done. It's that simple.

Yup.

 

The fact that he’s a soccer player doesn’t make him a big woooo . He just thinks it does .

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Yes, reinventmyself that is correct. I know you know the previous threads well and thank you for your advice as always. Yeah I guess legally I thought the same but emotionally I feel I have to pay him now, which I will be doing. I will post an update detailing tonight’s conversation

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Again thank you everyone. I appreciate every single response. I know none of us here are lawyers, but I also needed advice on what others would do from an emotional aspect or ‘right or wrong’.

 

So as an update, I emailed him 30 mins ago, I said I will set up a monthly payment plan that I can afford as a maximum and then want NO further contact. Just an email back confirming yes that’s fine.

 

He then emails back pretty much instantly saying ‘so you ignore me and then come back with this? So how come you can’t pay me upfront? Spending all your money on other trips with other people then?’

 

Jeez this guy. I try to do the right thing and he still can’t just accept it. In ANYCASE, I will be paying him monthly.

 

I won’t even be biting in response to that email.

 

But yes, everybody who states that he is behaving like this to partly be an a** and spite me, point proven.

 

Any rational mature guy would have just agreed to this and be done with it, but him no.

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Sorry to hear about your stalker situation tattoobunnie. But yes I couldn’t agree more with the last part, even when I do pay which I will be doing, I dread the next thing that he will find to try and bring chaos into my life. He’s already ruined it with a guy I was interested in, completely separate to this !

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He then emails back pretty much instantly saying ‘so you ignore me and then come back with this? So how come you can’t pay me upfront? Spending all your money on other trips with other people then?’

There it is.

He further proves it isn't about the money. He doesn't need it so any payment would be based on principle. IF that was his intention.

 

Honestly, the monthly payment is basically translation for monthly contact.

It makes me second guess the both of you. . Sorry, but true.

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Honestly, the monthly payment is basically translation for monthly contact.

It makes me second guess the both of you. . Sorry, but true.

 

I second all of that.

 

Chloe, I don't believe you're serious about cutting things off with him. I think doing the smart thing and seeking legal counsel before handing over money is too much for you, emotionally, because that would mean you really lose all ties to him. So you give yourself this excuse to keep the door open, permission to not end it all for good.

 

You're taking a ridiculous risk here. Don't come back and say we didn't warn you.

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Chloe... As I stated in your previous thread, this is more about your refusal to let go. As long as you keep the fire burning, you're going to come up with excuse after excuse to remain on his radar.

 

The state of denial is a temporary fix, until reality sets in. It's time to think...

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It makes me second guess the both of you. Sorry, but true.

 

Ditto.

 

I sat this thread out, and here's why: I think this is a teen soap that Chloe is writing as a horror movie or psychological thriller, and I fear that we here are helping out with the lighting and special effects as much as we're helping in the ways intended.

 

I'm sorry to be frank, because I know your discomfort and confusion is real, that the swirl of feelings is overwhelming, and I do feel for you. Sucks when we slip on a romantic banana peel and find ourselves in quicksand. But zoom out just a few inches and this is a lot of small potatoes being painted as big potatoes, and the theme of it all is the same mutual thirst for drama that has fueled this whole thing, from Point A to Point Today.

 

There is a line, not even so fine, between harassment and annoyance. An ex who b*tches about an Instagram post and sends an annoying text while drunk? That's two annoying moments, pretty run-of-the-mill in the global history of breakups, and not exactly a steady stream of lunacy. Someone who takes you on a trip, and asks you for some money twice—not a hundred times, but two times—when his ego is bruised? Annoying, not harassing. Given that it took him less than 24 hours to simmer down last time, odds are he would have simmered down this one. A month without posting so much on social media, a little diligence in avoiding certain bars and restaurants, and, presto, this whole thing is done. And were it genuinely escalate to anything scary or against the law—that is why big, civilized cities like London have a police force.

 

Flies are annoying. Little boys who cry sandboxes when their toy truck is taken from them are annoying. Ignore them, wait them out, and they go away; indulge them and they keep buzzing around your face, wailing in the sand.

 

But, alas, here you are. Payment plan initiated—fine. You walk away, eventually, with a clear conscience while getting a bit more of the drama. Just know—and I mean know this, so it's not mysterious when it happens—that there are a few more jabs on that walk. He's going to say something mean to you. He's going to say something to a friend. He's going to get drunk and find a way to text you. And, here and there, you're going to kind of hate that some small part of you is attracted to it, and gets a kick out of it.

 

But if you can just see all that it loses its power. It becomes an episode you've seen before, and the eyelids get heavy where they once opened wide.

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So.. this is post number 3? In a week about how distressed you are about him contacting you even though he’s blocked and all ‘his’ drama,. the last one was like a day ago...

 

Are you ready to admit you’ve been poking at him?

 

Since you didn’t want to leave all this alone, now you have actual drama instead of the drama you were creating. Good lord pay him back and start to move on.

 

This is only drama if you make it and you seemed determined, well now it’s here....if you owe someone, no matter how much they make you owe them, me personally I’d borrow the money just to get it done and over with but call me crazy, I feel like this is just what you needed to keep yourself latched to the toxic train...

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