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Advice needed. Not sure where to post this? Has anyone had a similar situation?


Chloej123
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I never accused him of harassment or used that word in any thread. Ever. I just said he’s sending me emails after I blocked him on other platforms and legally I don’t know where I stand now after the break up

 

You said you would pay him on WhatsApp. How much did you agree to?

 

Do you know any lawyers you can consult?

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I never accused him of harassment or used that word in any thread. Ever. I just said he’s sending me emails after I blocked him on other platforms and legally I don’t know where I stand now after the break up

 

Really?! Here is your quote:" He is now started sending me harassing emails AGAIN, asking me where the money is. I am so distressed."

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Here is what I would do. I agree with LH Girl. Borrow money to pay him a lump sum now -maybe for your part of expenses when you were there because it sounds like you didn't ask to go on such an extravagant trip and a lot of the cost is the flight/hotel there, etc. -send it to him with a way to confirm that this is it, this is what you're willing to give him, take it or leave it. It doesn't sound like you agreed to a specific amount. I'm sorry he is acting this way and I also look at it from a do the right thing as far as the trip.

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As in the emails are WORDED harassing. Harrassment is a charge, I mean his demeanour has became harrassing. I’m not going to the police for ‘harrassment’. It’s also a behaviour

 

You are splitting hairs, hers. Harassment is harassment.

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I mean as in the legal repercussions . I haven’t got a clue about court etc

And that is really the last thing I want.

 

And yes I am scared of him to the extent of who he knows too.

 

I you don't have a clue then now would be the time to educate yourself. I'd calmly email him back stating that I am not obligated to pay for a gift that he offered, that I am saving and documenting all communications from him and if he continues to contact me, I will have no choice but to get a restraining order.

 

From everything you've shared, it's not about the money. Therefore giving him some isn't going to make him go away.

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Amen sister.

I you don't have a clue then now would be the time to educate yourself. I'd calmly email him back stating that I am not obligated to pay for a gift that he offered, that I am saving and documenting all communications from him and if he continues to contact me, I will have no choice but to get a restraining order.
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Are there any written communications between you where you offer to pay for some of the expenses? If so, he can take you to small claims court.

 

I don't have any recent data, but there is a cost associated with filing and going to small claims court. The cost might out way the amount he thinks she owes.

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Enabling his stalker behavior by agreeing to pay him enforces how many calls, or emails, or texts, or IMs, or Whatsapps it take to get you to respond. Whether it was the trip, his rubber ducky, or a pair of pants, he is trying to get you to respond. Don't give him any more of you, your time, your energy, your money. Block his email, phone, everything! And don't look back.

 

And save all his texts, VMs, and whatever, screen shots, to show a pattern of harassment!

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My ex h used to do stuff like this and in the beginning I bought into it and much like the poster, didn't know how to handle it.

One time he was texting me volatile stuff (not very smart) I just chuckled and responded, `you're not really threatening me, are you?'

- him suddenly realizing he was doing so in print and just as suddenly went dark.

 

Things changed when every time he would reached out I'd tell myself he's just trying to get me to `come out and play'

I just refused to play any longer. That's all I had to do.

 

He can only rattle you if you allow him too.

I am not impressed with what you describe as `people in high places. If he's some sort of celebrity then he won't want a scandal. He knows how to push your buttons, so work on getting those buttons tied up.

 

I'd call this bully's bluff and ignore him.

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Enabling his stalker behavior by agreeing to pay him enforces how many calls, or emails, or texts, or IMs, or Whatsapps it take to get you to respond. Whether it was the trip, his rubber ducky, or a pair of pants, he is trying to get you to respond. Don't give him any more of you, your time, your energy, your money. Block his email, phone, everything! And don't look back.

 

And save all his texts, VMs, and whatever, screen shots, to show a pattern of harassment!

 

I think if she sends him the money or has someone else do that for her on her behalf she can prevent what you're talking about and still know she did the right thing. It seems clear to me that while on the trip he paid for stuff as a matter of convenience and she promised to "sort it out" - so she promised to pay something. She can send $ without actual contact or the sort that will trigger more contact and once she does that she can ignore more $ requests.

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It's one thing if they agreed to split before he booked the trip, or he was strapped for cash, so really had to keep calling and calling for it out of desperation.

 

But after having a stalker myself, and going through the process of getting a restraining order against someone, and given the OP's ex's background, he's doing it to spite her. Once she hands over money, he'll still find something else to make her feel like crap, then onto the next way to hold something over her. Ooh, and not to mention my MIL, endless behavior like the OP's ex.

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You were broken up when you went on the trip, correct? And you weren't able to not be in contact with him?

 

Yes. You need to pay him back. You should not have gone with him in the first place. You knew it was not a good idea. And then you went on another trip with another guy?

 

Tell him you will start sending him money on a regular basis. And be done.

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It's one thing if they agreed to split before he booked the trip, or he was strapped for cash, so really had to keep calling and calling for it out of desperation.

 

But after having a stalker myself, and going through the process of getting a restraining order against someone, and given the OP's ex's background, he's doing it to spite her. Once she hands over money, he'll still find something else to make her feel like crap, then onto the next way to hold something over her. Ooh, and not to mention my MIL, endless behavior like the OP's ex.

Yes and I am making a separate point like LH Girl was -it's not to stop him from harassing it's to make good on her promise to sort things out when they returned. After they returned they broke up. When they went on the trip they were a couple and she promised to sort things out as far as expenses. So she should. Will it stop him from asking for more $ -maybe maybe not. But she will know she did the right thing.

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Wait...were they together on the trip? I must of read somewhere incorrectly. And I thought he broke up with the OP?

 

"Yes. He is now demanding I pay him for a holiday we went on together last month before we split. He earns a SIGNIFICANT amount of money (footballer in the prem) and my monthly salary does not even touch what he would make in a week!

 

 

I took my card a long with me to use for myself but he said he will pay while there as we did everything together. I said I will sort it when home then and he just said ok. Nothing else was said then we returned until we split and then he turned nasty and was like you can pay for your half etc

 

Nothing in writing .

 

This also definitely isn’t about the money in terms of him *needing* it. It’s to cause me maximum stress. And it would not surprise me if he tried court just to create the upset for me."

 

I'm not a huge fan of not paying someone back because they don't "need" the money -it's vague as she promised and he said "ok" and didn't follow up -but she should have followed up right away -for me, personally if I promise to pay someone $ I do it ASAP. They happened to break up before she got around to following up on her promise. So yes he's probably asking out of spite but on the other hand she promised, before they broke up, and it was a matter of convenience on the trip that she didn't use her own credit card. In my case when I went on trips with my then boyfriend if I offered to pay or pay him back he'd say 'no" right away or refuse to take $. This guy said ok to her sorting it out. She chose not to sort it out after they got back and they broke up later after that.

 

OP - it doesn't matter how much money he has or how little money you have - you owe him some sort of $ - how much is up to what you think is fair. So I say even though he's being a jerk don't leave this loose end. You accepted the favor of him paying for everything when you were a couple. You could have refused to go on the trip.

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