Genericuser4 Posted July 29, 2019 Share Posted July 29, 2019 Warning: this is LONG. (because how important it is to me) Me and my Ex have been together for 3.5 years. We own a house together for just under a year now (makes things extremely difficult and weird) and have lived together for pretty much the entire relationship. We first met when she was 16 and I was 22. I had strong feelings for her then, only emotionally. Her personality and mine were so incredibly compatible that it was strange, considering the age difference and the fact she was 16. 2 years passed, one without contact, and she turned 18. I had been in a relationship until about 2 months after she turned 18. Shortly after my previous relationship ended we had started hanging out and being intimate. I had the time of my life with her and formed a very strong bond with her very quickly. We officially started dating roughly 3 months after hanging out. A year later we moved into an apartment together. And after a year and a half of being in an apartment together we decided to buy a house. Buying the house was extremely stressful for me because I had taken it upon myself to take care of most/all of the paperwork and work to get the mortgage broker work done. I had started to become very snippy and irritable. After finalizing the house we spent 2.5 months working on updating and fixing up the house. I did the majority of the work myself without any previous knowledge of any home remodeling. In the middle of the remodel I had asked for her hand in marriage after asking her parents for permission. Again caused alot of stress and irritability. So after we finally moved in I made it pretty clear that I just wanted to enjoy the house and relax the majority of the time for a while. 5 or 6 months past and the majority of the time we spent on the couch watching TV and movies. We got stagnant and complacent. A little back story, we were very active. Alot of time spent outdoors or doing activities. We are both very creative and artistic. I designed her ring and ringbox myself and even carved her ring box by hand (a treasure chest with an octopus on top). We spent just about every day together no matter what we'd be doing. We were perfect together. Never fought, always showed affection, had no problem talking out problems. She told me I was the first person she ever dated that didnt need any alone time with. She always expressed how excited she was to see me every day. We were truely happy and talked about marriage and (eventual) kids after about 1.5-2 years. We went on a vacation after about 4 months of dating to Seattle and really proved our love for each other. We spent those 5 days learning each other and creating amazing experiences. We shared interests and even became interested in those that we originally werent even on our radar. It was the ideal relationship. Everyone around us even told us so. Her biggest thing was going on vacations together and creating experiences with her. However with our financial responsibilities made it difficult. Back story 2, I had become very insecure and jealous of any guy she would talk about. On multiple occasions shed tell me she loved me and I'd respond by asking "are you sure?", or "do you? These were just reassurances I had wanted. Alot of times she went out with friends, when she got home I'd ask her alot of questions in an almost interrogating manner. It made her uncomfortable and made her feel like she couldnt go out without me acting that way. She is now 22 and I'm 28. After being in the house for roughly 8 to 10 months, things started to get stagnant and distant. We no longer were doing much but watching tv and cuddling on the couch. I had started drinking more and more just about every night because of financial stress and overall depression. On 3 occasions during this time I had gotten incredibly drunk and made a fool of myself. On two occasions 3 months before the breakup I had done very foolish things that could have gotten me in trouble or hurt. When I was drunk was when my insecurities came out most. For the last almost year of our relationship her communication with me about her problems rapidly slowed until it completely stopped about 3 months before the relationship ended. She never talked to me about what bothered her. (She told me post relationship that she gave me subtle hints, which were never obvious on my part.) I had been depressed and ready for a change, not from her, but with her. I wanted to improve on the relationship. I had decided after my second recent incident that I was no longer going to drink. I was ready to start going out and doing things with her again. At this point too late. The breakup: One day I was feeling depressed. She had just started school again and it was her second day. I came home and was moping around. She ignored the fact that i was depressed and tried to distract me by talking about school. I wasnt having it and really just wanted to talk to her about my feelings. I left angry and was upset with her for not talking to me about it. She went out that night and didnt come home till 3:30. She came home and said she needed a break to see what she wanted to do. I was understanding and accepting. She told me she would stay by her parents for a week and decide what she wanted to do. But she refused to tell me what was bothering her. The next night she came home and told me to ignore her and act like she wasnt there. I couldnt accept that and pushed the subject. I asked her if she already made a decision and just didnt want to tell me. She originally said no. After alot of desperation and pushing on my part she finally sat down and talked to me about our problems. The problems: We didnt go on vacation enough. I wasnt helping around the house enough. She hated my insecurities and jealousy. We werent doing anymore activities. My drinking incidents. (all manageable if communication was there in my opinion) After telling me the issues she told me that I was right and she did already decide she didnt want to be with me anymore. I was very desperate and told her i could change and needy telling her i couldnt live without her. I took it very roughly considering I did not see it coming. 2 weeks prior we finally got our two families to meet and that was very important to her. I felt like we were moving forward in the relationship. Post breakup: First 3 weeks were hell. We barely talked. Shed stay at friends houses alot while i remained in the house. I started to work on my problems and focus on myself. I started painting more. I tried to reconnect with old friends and hang out more/go out more. On multiple occasions we'd talk about the breakup and I just wanted to find any kind of explaination as to why she wouldnt give me a second chance or even try to fix the relationship. She just walked away without thinking twice about it and said "I'm sticking to my gut feeling." She asked me not to come home on one occasion as she was having friends over. (unfair in my opinion since its both of our house.) I accepted and didnt come home. I felt like it was a test to see if I would, she even admitted she expected me to come home. Fast forward to a month after the breakup, and she became more comfortable with the situation. She seemed calmer and started getting a little happier. While I was still miserable. I was just starting to finally go out more and act happier. Trying to convince myself I was alright. One day we were very flirty towards each other and she even admitted that it was a slip up. She took a shower and even told me she was going to walk out naked into another room. (as if inviting me to watch her walk around naked) We'd see each other a couple of times that week but not much talking unless i initiated. At this point she had started telling me she met a guy at school that she was hanging out with. She even wrote down his address and left it in the middle of the counter. (my opinion so i could see it and get jealous. if she needed the address she would have taken it with her, and the next day she took it off the counter.) So we are now 5 weeks after breakup and she had also told me she was going to take her new friend to a coffee house i frequently go to. (she could have gone anywhere else.) I stayed far away and never went while she was there. That weekend (5 weeks after) I tried one more time to get some information about the breakup to make any sort of sense of it, but still didnt get any closure. I had decided I was done talking about the breakup and I had to move on. So the following week I started going out every night and trying to do partial no contact. I was successful in not initating any conversation and started feeling comfortable and confident in myself. I'm starting to feel happy and enjoy life again. I went to a wedding on saturday (two days ago) and had a blast. She saw my social media updates and even commented yesterday that I finally seem happy (which i truely am). We talked for about 1.5 hours and had alot of laughs and even some frustration. But after the conversation I asked for a hug. Which we did and The feeling was incredible. It was like we were still together and all the feelings were still there. I could feel the tension between the two of us. (first physical contact between us in 1.5 months) We both backed off and were speechless. I stumbled for some words and couldnt find any. It was obvious she felt it too. "Yea... that was... dont you have somewhere to be?" So long story long, I'd still love to be with her, or at least get another chance to start over with her. Shes planning on moving out within the next few months. She had told me that in the future (1-2 years) if she still had feelings for me we might be able to get together. I cant and wont wait that long. I know I'll love her for the rest of my life. We even agreed to be somewhat close (eventually) catching up occasionally and being able to see our cats, since we agreed to each take one. Theres still alot more, but I really didnt want this to be any longer than it already is. I really dont know what to do. I'm ready to move on, but at the same time Shes the girl of my dreams and I can still see us together for the rest of our lives. Please help. Link to comment
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