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Am i being too much?


n0cturnal
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Hey all - to cut a long story short: seen this guy a few times, felt pretty intense pretty quick. Good connection etc. We are about 1.5 hours from each other so not the easiest to see one another and he is in a full time job.

 

He said he’s very eager to see me and this week coming up would be good - however on friday he got a job interview offer (he’s currently switching jobs which is a great source of stress to him) but doesnt know when yet so couldnt commit to seeing me. Totally get it.

 

So we talk every day. And today I said that I guessed he hadn’t heard back yet as to when his interview is, so would the week after work better for him? He left me on read lol. Great. Did I do anything wrong? He has left me on read before and then messaged back later so this isn’t totally out of the ordinary

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Relax. You messaged him today and he hasn't replied yet. So what? Maybe he was in the middle of something when he read it and will respond later. People are not required to respond instantly. I know I sure don't, if I can't.

 

You yourself say he's read and responded later on before. So what is making you so anxious this time?

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Relax. You messaged him today and he hasn't replied yet. So what? Maybe he was in the middle of something when he read it and will respond later. People are not required to respond instantly. I know I sure don't, if I can't.

 

You yourself say he's read and responded later on before. So what is making you so anxious this time?

 

Hey, thank you for the reality check! I definitely get wound up. I’m nervous because I’m worried it’s a slow descent to a fade or a ghost and he doesnt actually want to see me again! But obviously I don’t know that

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Stop being overly accomodating!

 

“ And today I said that I guessed he hadn’t heard back yet as to when his interview is, so would the week after work better for him? ”

 

He made plans for this week , you assume that to be true unless he says otherwise.

You are sounding a bit desperate and in need of reassurance as to when you will see him again because he couldn’t confirm when yet.

 

Geez girl! That’s so unattractive.

If he fades away or ghosts , he will.

But why encourage him to do so?

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Stop being overly accomodating!

 

“ And today I said that I guessed he hadn’t heard back yet as to when his interview is, so would the week after work better for him? ”

 

He made plans for this week , you assume that to be true unless he says otherwise.

You are sounding a bit desperate and in need of reassurance as to when you will see him again because he couldn’t confirm when yet.

 

Geez girl! That’s so unattractive.

If he fades away or ghosts , he will.

But why encourage him to do so?

 

We hadn’t made plans for this week? He said he had to make himself as available as possible so didn’t know. So to me that was up in the air. I only offered the week after because I thought it would ease his stress a bit

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Why are you considering dating someone this far away? If you met him on OLD, consider a new rule of limiting your dating to men who live within 45 minutes of your home. That's what I did when I did OLD. Why set up barriers, like more difficult LDRs, when you don't have to? When guys initiate this sort of arrangement, sometimes they like it this way, because they want some fun and then not have someone super local tracking them down when it ends.

 

Nobody has a crystal ball as to how this will pan out, so you will just have to be patient and see if he puts in the effort to see you regularly. Always have a fulfilling life BESIDES dating so that if doesn't work out, you will be less upset because you have other fun things going on.

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Why are you considering dating someone this far away? If you met him on OLD, consider a new rule of limiting your dating to men who live within 45 minutes of your home. That's what I did when I did OLD. Why set up barriers, like more difficult LDRs, when you don't have to? When guys initiate this sort of arrangement, sometimes they like it this way, because they want some fun and then not have someone super local tracking them down when it ends.

 

Nobody has a crystal ball as to how this will pan out, so you will just have to be patient and see if he puts in the effort to see you regularly. Always have a fulfilling life BESIDES dating so that if doesn't work out, you will be less upset because you have other fun things going on.

When im at college it’s much closer to him. im on vacation right now however so it’s long distance until October-ish.

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The guy is very busy with his full time job, stressed from the job interview offer and you need to be considerate by backing off. Give the poor guy space! If you want him to succeed, don't distract him. Allow him to focus and concentrate on making money.

 

If you know he's super busy during the week, wait until the end of the week or weekends to contact him. Don't pester, bother and hound him to death. Give him space.

 

This is what I suggested when my friend's son was working very hard at his job while in college, studying intensely for exams, working on his thesis and trying to graduate during the last crucial months of his semester. The girlfriend had common sense not to contact him because she knew that she needed to back off in order for her boyfriend to succeed and get his mission accomplished. The time to rejoice and celebrate was after graduation. This same MO (method of operation) repeated itself during his job hunt. She didn't bother him. And, later, they had more time for each other after major life's events were taken care of.

 

Priorities such as survival always takes precedence even over people and relationships. Bread 'n butter issues come first and foremost. Socialize later. First things first.

 

Same concept for you. Don't get in the way. Wait for the dust to settle and then reconnect, however, don't over do it.

 

I always advise women to have some mystery and aura because this is what makes you attractive and enduring. Never be excessive by attaching yourself to others because you'll be perceived as insecure. People are attracted to secure, self confident, self assured people whether male or female.

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How did you meet? You did nothing wrong. After a couple of dates you're not exclusive so he may be talking to/dating others. As you should be. The longer distance and his "in between jobs" status will stack a lot of things against this. But all of this has nothing to do with you. Pull back, stop talking this much and focus more on in person meetings. Do not turn this into text buddies, if you are looking for dating leading to a relationship. Keep in mind dating locally and developing things more slowly may turn out better.

-We are about 1.5 hours from each other

- however on friday he got a job interview offer (he’s currently switching jobs which is a great source of stress to him)

So we talk every day.

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We hadn’t made plans for this week? He said he had to make himself as available as possible so didn’t know. So to me that was up in the air. I only offered the week after because I thought it would ease his stress a bit

 

He said this coming week would be good.

He doesn’t know when exactly because of the job interview but that doesn’t mean next week but be any easier than this.

 

It’s not up to you to ease his stress. If he’s a grown man he can figure out his own schedule.

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Yup I'd say you're overreacting. I wouldn't stress about being left on read immediately, he probably got busy or didn't have an answer for you yet. It's really easy to open a message and get distracted by something; at least for me anyway. You yourself said that he's busy with switching jobs and stuff anyway.

 

Now, if he left you on read after like 3 messages with hours in between or he wasn't contacting you after a few days, then maybe you can stress a little as that could be a sign he's lost interest.

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Hey all, we have a date set up for Wednesday so thanks for the help everyone!

 

That’s great!!!

So this week was fine and he is a grown boy that can figure out his own schedule! Lol

 

Please don’t repeat what you did though.

It sounded very needy.

Just keep doing your regular weekly things, work, friends and hobbies etc and fit him in around that when it suits both of you.

 

Good luck!!

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