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I got ghosted. What would you do?


crazyguy123
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I went on a date with a Bumble girl. She was totally awesome and I really liked her. We laughed so hard, she couldn't stop holding my hand, made out, and when she got home she texted me that she had a great time! And she kept texting me after that

 

We planned for a second date but a few days before, she stopped texting me. I found it weird. She ended up never replying.

 

Have you ever ghosted? If so why?

 

What would you do? I wanna message her but I don't know what to say.

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I went on a date with a Bumble girl. She was totally awesome and I really liked her. We laughed so hard, she couldn't stop holding my hand, made out, and when she got home she texted me that she had a great time! And she kept texting me after that

 

We planned for a second date but a few days before, she stopped texting me. I found it weird. She ended up never replying.

 

Have you ever ghosted? If so why?

 

 

 

What would you do? I wanna message her but I don't know what to say.

 

I get that it’s not very nice, you felt like you had a nice time/connection etc.

But she is too gutless to tell you that it’s not for her or she’s changed her mind. Put it down to experience, move on and I’m sure you’ll find someone nice in time. Don’t message her, you will thank yourself in the long run for not doing so. Say to yourself im not needy I’ve met you once, nah and chuck it in the f—— it bin and hold your head up.

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In a perfect world, ghosting wouldn't exist. Unfortunately it's apparently par for the course in the dating world these days.

 

Sorry this happened, crazyguy123. She really should be getting back to you out of common courtesy, even if it is to say, "Sorry, but I'm not interested".

 

I haven't ghosted anyone before. I've only not replied and blocked a few people for responding offensively after telling them that I wasn't interested in another date (which thankfully, I can't say happens very often).

 

I wouldn't bother reaching out to her again. There's nothing you can say to force her to reply. If she wanted to see you again, she'd be responding and reaching out to you to confirm your second date.

 

My best advice to you at this point is, forget this girl and get out there and meet other women.

Edited by milly007
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When you said you planned for a second date, did you nail down a particular day, time, and activity or was it just vague?

 

She's most likely meeting other guys for dates besides you. After one date, she doesn't really owe you a whole lot of explanations.

 

Wait several days and then ask her out for a date. If she doesn't respond, move on.

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She was careless and couldn’t be bothered to tell you she either started dating someone else or changed her mind most likely because she wants to keep you as an option later. It’s your choice what your standards are. As you can see some people think it’s ok to act in this manner /others don’t, personally, I don’t think it’s acceptable, it’s not a trait I’d want in someone, when it comes to characteristics, carelessness when it comes to others just isn’t attractive to me, but I know it happens and when it does you’re off the checklist, I had to learn to remove myself from it and recognize it though. Decide what actions you’ll allow and try not to let it get to you too much, it unfortunately happens a lot now a days. It stings for sure, but it’s not personal, says more about them than you.

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When was the date? I'm also curious to understand the plans for the second date. Were they firm, as in you agreed to meet up on Day X, but when you confirmed she went silent? Or was it "I'd love to see you again!" followed by some text banter, and then the fade? And how long has this fade been?

 

My take, personally, is no one owes anyone anything after a date or two or three, so the "ghosting" label doesn't really apply here. I'm a straight forward person, but honestly? If I have a good date or two and someone just goes silent I really don't mind that any more than if someone let's me know that they weren't feeling it, have another iron in the fire, whatever. It's kind of the same thing at that stage—a five minute bug bite, but nothing to really dwell on since you don't really know the person.

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I would message her one LAST time regarding a second date. If she continues to ghost you after that, take a hint and get her passive-aggressive message which is this: "I'm no longer interested in you. Go away."

 

Granted, no one owes you anything, however, common courtesy is a dying art for many. Rudeness seems to be so commonplace in society so no surprise there.

 

I'm sorry you were ghosted. At least you now know that she's not the one for you. She is disrespectful, unkind, inconsiderate, very rude and has bad manners. Why on earth would you ever want to date someone like THAT?

Edited by Cherylyn
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We planned for a second date, but a few days before, she stopped texting me. I found it weird. She ended up never replying.

 

 

I agree with Cheryln (with the exception of messaging her again) and I for one am so sick to death of "no one owes anyone ..." GMAFB.

 

So effin lame.

 

When two people plan a date, as the OP and this girl did, and one of them changes his/her mind, for the love of * exercise some basic courtesy and integrity and let them know.

 

By text is fine, it takes literally 15 seconds. To not do so is selfish, rude, inconsiderate and lame.

 

SMH.

Edited by katrina1980
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And for those saying they wouldn't care if done to them (so no doubt you'd do it because "no one owes anyone") -- you don't get to decide how the other person feels which may be totally diferent from you.

 

As evidenced by how the OP feels now.

 

I'm sorry OP, sadly, we live in a very self-centered society.

Edited by katrina1980
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She was cute and fun to be with, but lacks the decency to let you know why she will no longer be in contact. Don't let someone's attractiveness cloud your vision of who they are inside. Why would you want to contact someone who was so rude to you?

 

I consider myself to be a kind-hearted person, so have always let a guy know why I no longer wished to stay in contact.

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Just to be clear: I don't think I was advising anyone on how they should feel right now, and very much agree with the sentiment that people who behave this way, even after one date, are lousy people that are best left to themselves. A pinch of pain and disappointment, in short, that let's you know that your time, energy, and feelings are best invested elsewhere, in people who handle themselves with more integrity.

 

I've never ghosted anyone, or been ghosted. In OPs shoes I would lose interest because I'm not interested in unneeded confusion, and the first few months of dating are really about determining if someone is worth exploring, or not. In this instance, you get that information quickly, before much attachment has formed.

 

But I do think it's important to remember that dating is not about people owning us anything, but what we owe ourselves. People can be lousy, people can be kind. People can switch from one to the other in five minutes. You can learn a lot about people based on how they treat people they owe nothing to: some are kind and considerate, others are not.

 

To think they owe us anything aside from what they give us, in my opinion, is a fast track toward becoming resentful of people, bitter about dating, and self-doubting. To focus instead on what we owe ourselves keeps us in the dirver's seat, steady in the reality of dating, which is that most people we meet and date will not evolve into much of anything. That's all I, at least, mean by that expression.

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I'm still curious to know how their next date was 'planned.' If it was nailed down to "Let's go to dinner on Friday night at Bonefish around 6pm," and she agreed but then flaked, I'd say it was rude of her to do that.

 

But most likely (I'm guessing) the planned date was more like, "Let's get together next weekend.' In which case, she is not guilty of having stood him up. The OP can correct me if I'm wrong.

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95% of the times I’ve stopped talking to guys is when they’re awful conversationalists. Look back at your texts. Who’s asking questions? Do you ask her any back? Do you do anything to carry the conversation?

 

Literally almost every guy I’ve talked to on Bumble just expects me to do all the conversation work.

 

NEXT.

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Katrina, fwiw, I see a lawyer in you already. Lol. Actually, I think I’ve always seen it...

 

Thanks milly (I think :). Both my dad and grandad were lawyers so maybe it's in my genes or something.

 

I really don't intend to come off that way though, this forum isn't a court of law after all. Lol

 

However, I do feel very strongly and passionately about certain issues, and treating each other with respect, courtesy and integrity is one of them.

 

Don't care if it's one date or a 10 year relationship.

 

That said, often times people just don't click on a first meet/date so nothing needs to be said by either (that's not ghosting), but when one person reaches out to the other after the date (which indicates interest) or as in OP's case, a date has actually been planned, for the other to not respond or blow them off is something I will never understand.

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Thanks milly (I think :). Both my dad and grandad were lawyers so maybe it's in my genes or something.

 

I really don't intend to come off that way though, this forum isn't a court of law after all. Lol

 

However, I do feel very strongly and passionately about certain issues, and treating each other with respect, courtesy and integrity is one of them.

 

Don't care if it's one date or a 10 year relationship.

 

That said, often times people just don't click on a first meet/date so nothing needs to be said by either (that's not ghosting), but when one person reaches out to the other after the date (which indicates interest) or as in OP's case, a date has actually been planned, for the other to not respond or blow them off is something I will never understand.

 

Oh I know. It was meant as a compliment, definitely not a criticism! 👍

 

Now we just have to hear from opposing counsel, Mr. BC, with his counter-argument, or reply. J/k!

 

Jokes aside, I completely agree with you. I feel the same way.

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Ok sorry this happened. Text and ask her out One more time. It's worth a shot. If there's still no reply, then move forward. The ghosting thing sucks but after one date, there's not much to say. Who knows why people ghost. Just leave this open after one last text, see what shakes out.

I went on a date with a Bumble girl. She was totally awesome and I really liked her.

We planned for a second date but a few days before, she stopped texting me.

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Honestly, girls on Bumble and Tinder change their minds at the flip of a dime that being 'ghosted' or left on read is pretty common. They have so many options of guys to choose from on there that she could have easily lost interest just like that, or had other guys she was talking to and wanting to meet up with. Girls like to 'test the waters' and see what's out there, because if they are attractive and are on those apps, they like to be picky.

When you talk to her, are you texting her via the app or her actual phone? Maybe give her a call?

 

If it's been a couple days since you last messaged, I would try again and schedule a second date with her; if she doesn't respond again, that's a clear indicator that she's lost interest. If that's the case, unmatch her and move on. Don't take it personally, because she doesn't owe you anything; even though it would be considerate of her to at least have the guts to reply, we don't live in a perfect world. It sounds crazy to think that she would since you said you had a great time and all on the first date, but like I said, girls on those apps are weird like that.

To answer your question, I've had it happen plenty of times. That's why Bumble and Tinder have the reputation that it's merely a hookup site, because it is.

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Honestly, girls on Bumble and Tinder change their minds at the flip of a dime that being 'ghosted' or left on read is pretty common. They have so many options of guys to choose from on there that she could have easily lost interest just like that, or had other guys she was talking to and wanting to meet up with. Girls like to 'test the waters' and see what's out there, because if they are attractive and are on those apps, they like to be picky.

 

I'll echo this loudly. My experience with Bumble was very similar to yours, OP. In dating in general, the odds are always against you. But even more with an app like Bumble, as MrIncredible outlined.

 

Getting ghosted sucks, I know. But as others have said, take it as a sign, move on and do more exploring yourself!

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bumble has brought me a few long term relationship.

 

 

HOWEVER, this way of dating is extremely brutal because these people arent in your daily life. That being said it's easy to ghost someone even for the smallest reasons because it's not like that person is going to show up to work Monday morning asking questions. Meaning she can have a great time and never talk to you again because you're not in her daily life and theres really nothing you can do about it without coming off as some stalker.

 

That being said, this happens all the time and it most likely won't be the last time either. I would continue to date around because you definitely will find someone but in the online dating situation there isnt much you can do without coming off to strong and literally FORCING yourself into her life.

 

From the perspective of a woman who has done this kind of thing before, these were my reasons:

 

- I normally ghosted because the idea of placing someone new in my life was difficult at the moment and although I enjoyed the dates a few guys took me on, I realized that I didn't have the time to get to know a brand new person at that point in my life. I was on bumble because my schedule didn't allow me to sit in clubs every night in Hope's of meeting someone so I went on blind dates and then time passed and I realized that I didn't even have time for bumble dates at the moment.

 

- Sometimes people reveal things on blind dates that instantly throw the date out of the running. It's nothing personal but that's what happens with blind dates, sometimes you'll find someone whose good looking, good kisser but sometimes theres that one thing that surfaces during the first date processes that tells someone they're not compatible.

 

I remember one time a guy mentioned doing a certain drug and because I don't do drugs and I dont surround myself with people who do them, I concluded that we weren't compatible because I led a clean lifestyle for personal reasons that relate to my health and he clearly didnt.

 

Keep dating around, you'll find someone but this happens. Lick you're wounds and keep trying!

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^^^ I think also that for some people, it's easier to fade out than to tell someone you don't want to see him again.

 

When I first started on line dating, I thought the respectful thing to do was to tell them kindly that you didn't think there was a connection and thank them for their time.

And in turn I got brutally lashed a few times.

 

So . . there goes that idea!! I still tried to do what felt right to me, for the most part.

 

Given my experiences I do understand some of the reasons for just going radio silent.

People can be ruthless cowards hiding behind their little black screens.

 

I am not saying it's o.k. It's just the nature of the beast, I suppose.

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