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Mistakes made any way back?


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Let's go back 3.5 years. Somehow I was having a purple patch in life and managed to attract the attention of two truly beautiful women.


I got along a whole lot better with one of them (C for the purpose of anonymity) and it seemed like there was a lot more natural attraction and we just seemed very perfect for each other, we saw each other about 4 times a week through community engagements. The ONLY issue was a slight language barrier where English isn't her first language and she had some trouble picking it up. I'd say she struggled to understand more than 50% of what we would talk about.


The second woman (G) I had to work a lot harder to build up an attraction, I did so and eventually started a relationship with her as I didn't see it being possible with C because of the language barrier. After we started our relationship she became clingy and obsessive, she made me stop talking to C altogether and would check my phone etc etc. I kept talking to C for a while because I couldn't envisage not talking to her, I had really strong feelings for her despite starting a relationship with G.


Anyways about 3 months into that relationship C asked me to be with her. I'll never forget that decision I had to make. I told her I couldn't as I was with G and immediately cut of ties with C.


Fast forward a year and me and G break up, should have known that would happen from the start, terrible relationship that ended terribly.


Over the last few years I slowly re-built my relationship with C who was kind enough to forgive me and understand my reasoning for stopping talking to her all that time. We were friends again, nothing more, and the flirtation we once had was gone. I never knew her relationship status as she is incredibly private on all social media and I never felt it appropriate to ask. I'm very close to all of her family despite what happened and they never mentioned her having a boyfriend so I assumed not. (And still do for this same reason).


About 7 months ago I suffered a serious sports injury that required surgery and a lot of down time. I saw her once in that entire 7 month span, here's the good part:


About 3 weeks ago we started seeing each other regularly again at community events. Nothing one on one. She was so excited to see me every time and we spent as much time together as possible. The attraction felt like it was there like it hadn't been for years. Flirtation, touching, eye contact...


Her birthday is Sunday. I won't be see her this weekend so I told her I would make an effort to come see her at an event on Thursday on my lunch break. I got her a few small gifts, a key chain (she collects them) and a gift card to her favorite store. I'm going to make her a card to go with it and am stuck on what to say.


I really want her to know exactly how I feel which is that I really do have the strongest of feelings for her but don't know how I can ever make her feel like she was my first choice when she wasn't. Was hoping for some help with what TO say and what NOT TO say here if the ultimate goal is getting another shot at being with this woman. I also plan on offering to take her out for dinner when possible as part of the gift.


I'm asking for help because I don't want to blow this. Not again. If she isn't interested that fine, but I at least have to try.

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You simply tell her happy birthday. Let your actions speak for you. Giving her gifts will show that you care.


Also...don't offer to take her to dinner; TELL her you ARE taking her to dinner. Simply say "I am also taking you to dinner for your birthday. Does Saturday at 8 PM (or whenever you decide) work?" Be assertive (not aggressive) and SHOW her your interest.

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Take her out and tell her how you feel. The gifts, handmade card and other baubles feel like you're trying to buy her. You're overcompensating for the past and it's coming across as a bit over the top, in my opinion. You're also groveling and unusually beaten up for the past. I'd suggest you please pick yourself up off the floor and stop trying to impress a woman who might not be treating you well or accepting you for who you are.


You also mentioned "over the last few years, [you] slowly rebuilt your relationship with C" and she was "kind enough to forgive you". I am responding to your language and the way you feel like you need forgiveness of some sort. This seems very unhealthy to me. Try exploring better self-esteem and practicing loving yourself and accepting yourself the way you are with all your experiences behind you and your future ahead of you.


Try asking her out if you must and enjoy it too. She is someone from your past whom you weren't available for and even though you hurt her, you shouldn't have to handle her with kiddie gloves. She's a grown woman and she can handle herself. I hope you feel better soon and enjoy yourself on the date. If she hasn't improved her language skills or you haven't learned her mothertongue, you might expect the same frustrations as before so leave room for that also.

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