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This is my first time in some time coming on here. I'm going to just say that I don't want to live anymore. Living hurts and I don't matter. I'm sorry for taking everyone's time with this, but it hurts to hold all of this in.

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It's hard to get into details but I will say that I have struggled for years with communicating and connecting with others. It feels like everyone atters except me. If that is the case, fine, but I don't want to keep going on hurting and feeling like my pain means nothing.

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I think that two main thoughts to hold onto in times like this, is: 1.) Bad times are only temporary. They won't last and good times will happen again. But for now, you need to weather the storm, it will settle back down. 2.) What you're feeling can feel overwhelming. Unbearable. But do your best to remind yourself that these are only emotions. I mean that in the most gentle way. They cannot hurt you, they do not define you, they are not the whole truth or reality. It is emotions and nothing more. They too will change and settle back down.

 

There are many options to try to cope with all of the overwhelming feelings in the meantime. But you need to be brave and ask for help. If you are critical and have a very strong urge to take your own life, you need to either call emergency help so someone can take you to hospital or you need to take yourself to the hospital.

Please do this...your life matters and you have every right to be on this earth and to be happy as all the rest of us. You just need a bit of support right now.

 

If you feel that you are very sad but no actual plans for suicide, then seek out help in the form of counselling or therapy. There are many helpful, supportive and caring professionals who will help your work through your emotions and worst problems and guide you to a better place and will teach you better coping skills.

 

There are also medications that can take the edge of the worst feelings and can ease the depression and anxiety back down. Many people have gotten better through the use of medication and in this day and age, we are lucky for that option.

 

Please do what you can to get help and to get past this upset. You matter, your life matters.

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What steps have you taken to improve your communication with others? How old are you?

 

I'm sorry but I am not comfortable revealing my age. And I'm not sure the best way to answer what I do regarding communication. I make an effort but it feels in vain.

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I think that two main thoughts to hold onto in times like this, is: 1.) Bad times are only temporary. They won't last and good times will happen again. But for now, you need to weather the storm, it will settle back down. 2.) What you're feeling can feel overwhelming. Unbearable. But do your best to remind yourself that these are only emotions. I mean that in the most gentle way. They cannot hurt you, they do not define you, they are not the whole truth or reality. It is emotions and nothing more. They too will change and settle back down.

 

There are many options to try to cope with all of the overwhelming feelings in the meantime. But you need to be brave and ask for help. If you are critical and have a very strong urge to take your own life, you need to either call emergency help so someone can take you to hospital or you need to take yourself to the hospital.

Please do this...your life matters and you have every right to be on this earth and to be happy as all the rest of us. You just need a bit of support right now.

 

If you feel that you are very sad but no actual plans for suicide, then seek out help in the form of counselling or therapy. There are many helpful, supportive and caring professionals who will help your work through your emotions and worst problems and guide you to a better place and will teach you better coping skills.

 

There are also medications that can take the edge of the worst feelings and can ease the depression and anxiety back down. Many people have gotten better through the use of medication and in this day and age, we are lucky for that option.

 

Please do what you can to get help and to get past this upset. You matter, your life matters.

 

Two years ago, I ended up in a hellhole of a hospital. The "help" I got while there was coloring or coloring outside or coloring in a small room because they don't have anything for us to do. I was talked down to when I tried to open up, I got chastised as if feeling sad was a crime. I spent eighteen days in that place and I walked out worse than when I went in.

 

I really want to believe that I do matter, but i'm sorry as this is hard to do right now.

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Some places are like that, yes. I don't agree with all the help that is it out there concerning mental health patients. I think some places are strictly based on trying to stop the patient from taking their own life and to get them on medication.

But you're absolutely right, most times a patient needs much more.

Counselling, empathy, understanding, proper support.

 

For the time being OP, if you can't get into a more decent place, will you still consider going just to at the very least stop yourself from ending your life?

Your life is so very precious. I know it's hard to see through depression and bad circumstances, but it doesn't have to stay bad for the rest of your life.

Please consider this.

 

Is there any other hospitals or centers available or that you could get to that would be more helpful? Friends, family, suicide hotline, crisis centers, walk in center for mental health, etc.

 

You do matter...YOU DO. The depression is fooling your into believing it's not true. That's part of the condition, but it's not the truth.

 

Don't give up.

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Some places are like that, yes. I don't agree with all the help that is it out there concerning mental health patients. I think some places are strictly based on trying to stop the patient from taking their own life and to get them on medication.

But you're absolutely right, most times a patient needs much more.

Counselling, empathy, understanding, proper support.

 

For the time being OP, if you can't get into a more decent place, will you still consider going just to at the very least stop yourself from ending your life?

Your life is so very precious. I know it's hard to see through depression and bad circumstances, but it doesn't have to stay bad for the rest of your life.

Please consider this.

 

Is there any other hospitals or centers available or that you could get to that would be more helpful? Friends, family, suicide hotline, crisis centers, walk in center for mental health, etc.

 

You do matter...YOU DO. The depression is fooling your into believing it's not true. That's part of the condition, but it's not the truth.

 

Don't give up.

 

 

I hate living. I hate waking up. And I hate being in pain. But I am going to do my best to get through today. I am going to work and despite the pain, I will work to the best of my ability.

 

You know, on Saturday I reached one year and five months of sobriety. I want to be grateful for this but like everything else this is hard. Drinking numbed the emotional pain. But it came with it's consequences. I'm sorry, I was trying to make a point sharing this but I don't know where I was trying to go with it. I just feel very conflicted. I'm sorry.

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Some places are like that, yes. I don't agree with all the help that is it out there concerning mental health patients. I think some places are strictly based on trying to stop the patient from taking their own life and to get them on medication.

But you're absolutely right, most times a patient needs much more.

Counselling, empathy, understanding, proper support.

 

For the time being OP, if you can't get into a more decent place, will you still consider going just to at the very least stop yourself from ending your life?

Your life is so very precious. I know it's hard to see through depression and bad circumstances, but it doesn't have to stay bad for the rest of your life.

Please consider this.

 

Is there any other hospitals or centers available or that you could get to that would be more helpful? Friends, family, suicide hotline, crisis centers, walk in center for mental health, etc.

 

You do matter...YOU DO. The depression is fooling your into believing it's not true. That's part of the condition, but it's not the truth.

 

Don't give up.

 

I am saddened to hear that you feel this way but you need to tell us more so that we may offer you some comfort and support, saku. You must matter to someone. Do you have family or any close friends?

 

I'm sorry if I am sounding vague. Some of what is happening in my life is difficult to share. And no, I don't really have anyone I can turn to. Actually I did let a couple of people know but they never responded back. So I guess I did or said something wrong.

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You know, on Saturday I reached one year and five months of sobriety

 

That is truly a huge accomplishment and awe inspiring!! Congratulations.

 

One of the side effects of not numbing the pain is rebound anxiety and depression. Also, obviously learning new coping skills on how to cope with your emotions without alcohol.

It is doable...hard? Hell, yes...but doable.

 

Have you joined AA? I know it sounds so cliche, but it will bring you a sense of support I think you need right now. The people there too will understand you and will help you.

 

Are you getting help via therapy or counselling? That too is an invaluable tool that will help you cope with life and the issues you are facing.

 

Change the messages in your head. "You hate life"...it's not 'life' per se (I'm assuming) it's the pain and the overwhelming feelings and the bad situations that you don't like.

They are changeable with the right kind of help.

 

Don't be sorry for explaining anything. I am wanting to hear anything you've got to say. If you feel you want to voice it, please do so.

I hope today is a better day, even if only a tiny bit.

You're not alone.

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You know, on Saturday I reached one year and five months of sobriety.

 

This is, in all honesty, incredible! Saku, hooray for reaching one year and five months of sobriety!

 

Do you know why you actually matter?

Others who are struggling with alcoholism need to hear your testimony about how you've been able to choose sobriety and are still fighting to stay sober to this day. I have no idea how difficult it must have been to get there, nor do I have any clue of how challenging it must be right now for you. But what I am certain of: you are living proof that it is possible to choose sobriety. And others who are grappling with addiction need to hear your story.

 

Which, by the way, is just starting. This is chapter 1.

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If you have trouble connecting with other people then start connecting with yourself, animals and nature....The planet still needs you saku* Be selfless. Give to these causes...

 

I started volunteering at a local turtle sanctuary...It has gone a long way to lifting me out of my own dark place....

 

I know what it's like waking up and carrying that pain day after day, month after month....It's truly horrible and really wears you down!

 

Here's a couple of vids for you to watch:

 

 

https://youtu.be/lXi7vcnvl5c

 

Hang in there buddy...

 

Carus*

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Honestly, it's another day waking up to pain. You asked if I do therapy and I was but I no longer am. For years I have had frustrations with the mental health system. The therapist I was seeing was a decent lady, but she would talk over me and didn't always let me finish speaking.

 

Since we only talked for about fifty minutes, I would write to her in advance since sometimes it's hard for me to explain things verbally. But it felt like it didn't matter. Someone suggested something called lay counseling. I'm not quite sure but I will give it a chance.

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The therapist I was seeing was a decent lady, but she would talk over me and didn't always let me finish speaking.

As a counselor myself yes, shop around buddy*

 

Waking up in pain every day sux but I sense strength in you yet young Padawan*

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Honestly, it's another day waking up to pain. You asked if I do therapy and I was but I no longer am. For years I have had frustrations with the mental health system. The therapist I was seeing was a decent lady, but she would talk over me and didn't always let me finish speaking.

 

Since we only talked for about fifty minutes, I would write to her in advance since sometimes it's hard for me to explain things verbally. But it felt like it didn't matter. Someone suggested something called lay counseling. I'm not quite sure but I will give it a chance.

 

You should seek the advice of another counselor. Not every counselor is suited for every individual.

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As a counselor myself yes, shop around buddy*

 

Waking up in pain every day sux but I sense strength in you yet young Padawan*

 

Right now, I'm not sure about counseling. I just feel really jaded by the mental health system. Thank you for sharing the videos.

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You should seek the advice of another counselor. Not every counselor is suited for every individual.

 

I may do that. But right now, I am not sure. I don't go into a session with a counselor expecting them to have all the answers, but I hate feeling as though I have to be careful with my words or deal with someone being dismissive or insensitive.

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I understand where you're coming from. I agree too that the mental health system in some places is not always adequate.

 

On the other hand, if you find the right counselor, it can make a world of difference. You, unfortunately, have to go through a few before you find one that works well with you.

But please don't give up.

 

Keep trying to do whatever you can until you find something that helps eases the pain back down and you can move on with your life.

 

Getting back to nature, meditation, writing, music, going for long walks. Whatever it is that helps get some of that pain out of you and brings you more peace.

I hope you're okay.

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I totally understand but, if a therapist conducts their session in a dismissive or insensitive manner, then they should get out of that profession. Period. It's not in their place to be so unprofessional. I wish you the best in finding someone who is caring, compassionate and professional. In the meantime, do as Carus suggests. If I may suggest, try to focus on all the good that you have, such as your health. Really. I also hope that you feel better. Please hang in there. I'm rooting for you, saku! Sending you hugs. xx

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I'm doing my best to be okay. I'm still hurting. I'm trying to write a letter to someone. It's an important letter and I'm trying to write a little at a time because it's a bit draining emotionally. Like, sometimes I feel optimistic writing but other times I feel this sense of dread...like it won't matter what I'm trying to say. Sorry if that didn't make sense.

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