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Why does my wife do this?


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We were about to watch one of our shows together. At the time, the remote was misplaced (fell in between the cushions) and she “couldn’t find it”. So she sat on the opposite end of the couch, pouted and turned the show on her phone. I asked her what she was doing and she was like “watching it on my phone because I can’t find the remote.....” with so much attitude. What about me? I want to watch it, too. Why didn’t she ask me for help to look for it? I ended up finding it in 5 seconds.. She does snooty stuff like this all the time. I try to communicate with her and ask what the issue is and she always gets mad. Need some advice!

Edited by Plzhelp123
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Has she ever asked you not to leave the remote on the couch? The problem can be solved by agreeing to leave it on the coffee table or somewhere else more convenient to the next person. She should be addressing the issue with you and requesting some solution that works for the both of you instead of watching it on her phone.

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I'm a bit confused. Has it always been this way or was she once a good communicator? The example here about the remote is not a very complex matter and doesn't require a lot of thought or problem solving or communication. How did either of you date or come to any understandings before you were married or in the earlier part of your marriage? What happened in the break down of communication or understanding?

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Lots of passive-aggressive nonsense and hostility going on. Why would she have to ask you to look for a remote? Maybe you should get another tv and separate remotes so you can each watch whatever you want whenever you want. Marriage therapy may help you start communicating like adults again.

I asked her what she was doing and she was like “watching it on my phone because I can’t find the remote.....” Why didn’t she ask me for help to look for it? I ended up finding it in 5 seconds.
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My wife is like this. She gets utterly frustrated with anything slightly annoying. Her reaction is over the top or abandoning of effort, Plus, it annoys her even more if I solve it in moments.

 

If it has a technological angle, good luck.

 

She thinks I'm trying to make her feel like a five-year-old instead of just being helpful.

 

It's a lose/lose situation with people like this.

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She sounds immature.

 

Also sounds like she's PO'd at you about something. How is your relationship in general. Does she make you feel loved and valued mostly with the occasional bout of grade 7 antics? Is she a princess whose daddy always gave her her own way so now when things don't automatically come to her, she throws a tantrum?

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Instead of waiting for her to ask for assistance, jump right in and help. Volunteer to look for the remote or help whatever help she needs without your having to say anything. Just do it. Sometimes you don't need to constantly communicate and talk back 'n forth. If you sense that you can assist or help, help right away no matter what it is and no matter where you two are. This is indoors, outdoors, at home, in public, it doesn't matter. Swoop in and help. I do this as does my husband. Pick up the slack. Actions speak louder than words.

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Instead of waiting for her to ask for assistance, jump right in and help. Volunteer to look for the remote or help whatever help she needs without your having to say anything. Just do it. Sometimes you don't need to constantly communicate and talk back 'n forth. If you sense that you can assist or help, help right away no matter what it is and no matter where you two are. This is indoors, outdoors, at home, in public, it doesn't matter. Swoop in and help. I do this as does my husband. Pick up the slack. Actions speak louder than words.

 

No way. He'll be her puppet for life if he follows your advice. She needs an attitude ajustment at best. Unbeleivable.

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I finally learned the perfect response to people who pull this kind of tantrum. I ignore it, pretend that I don't notice it, and carry on as I would without a word said about it. It's on them whether they'll grow up or not, but I'm not going to reward the display with one bit of attention.

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No way. He'll be her puppet for life if he follows your advice. She needs an attitude ajustment at best. Unbeleivable.

 

Not necessarily. It's a 2-way street. No one should have to ask for help all the time. If there's a need, jump right in and help because it's called being kind and considerate even if it's at a moment's notice. No one is a puppet. My husband and I always pick up the slack for each other. We don't create any drama over this. Just do it and the next time a person needs help, then help. No one should have to beg each other for assistance every time. Attitude adjustment comes from both sides and there needs to be mutual comprehension. If there's arrogance in a marriage or relationship regarding helping one another with everyday common decency and common courtesy, there's definitely a problem. Just use common sense and everything will be fine! Make this a no-brainer as opposed to making it more complicated than it has to be.

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... But, where does it say he DIDN'T jump right in? As soon as he figured out what was going on, he jumped right in and found the remote.

 

Yep. As any child expert warns, jumping through hoops to cater to temper tantrums only rewards them--and encourages more of them. So I'd skip 'jumping' and allow the woman to learn some self sufficiency. She's going to buck that for a while, but, c'mOn, it does her no favors to treat her like helpless baby who can't operate in the world. That's a perfect way to see her in that light and view yourself as trapped to care for a toddler. Not a great future for a marriage--or anyone's happiness.

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