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Breaking up with someone when they've done nothing wrong


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Hi guys.


So I'm in quite the predicament at the moment with no one but myself to blame and I'll try to keep it as short as I can. I met a guy almost 3 years ago and we dated for a very long time long-distance as he is from germany, and me england. Last August we put an end to the distance and he left his life to come and live with me. Unfortunately he is a few years younger than me and barely had his life together so I already had doubts before he even stepped on the plane, I knew I would be having to sort out everything to help him get his live sorted. Nevertheless I went through with it, it hasnt been an easy 11 months as he got a job here, and lost it, causing me to have full responsibility for the bills for 3 months. There was times he didnt do anything around the house and I just felt very much alone. Despite all this I never doubted our relationship and was always thinking of the positive. The relationship over time has improved a lot, and I really can't fault him, He loves and respects me for who I am and always helps me around the house. Well, 2 weeks ago, I met someone else unintentionally. and I am so intrigued and enjoying this persons company that it has made me question my entire relationship. This isn't about 'would i prefer to be with this other person' No. The other person I was speaking to has really put my mind into a spin. If I'm doubting my relationship because someone else has interested me then do I really deserve their love? Now I'm thinking I need to get my head straight and focus on myself as I've never had chance to do that, always jumping from one relationship to another. But it's not that easy, he's packed up his life to come live here with me, the only way to do that would be if he returned to germany. I just don't know where my head is at or what to think

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Well, it sounds like you're not happy in your current relationship and should probably end it. Your concerns additionally seem valid. In most situations, both partners should be expected to contribute to a household financially or otherwise. I wouldn't be attracted to someone who couldn't hold down a job either. It is not your responsibility to care for this man just because he moved to you.


However, you mentioned you have a history of monkey-branching from one relationship to the next without much thought and describe your mind as being in a "spin". This is not the time to start a new involvement with someone else no matter how attracted to them you are. Put the breaks on the situation with the new guy, splash some cold water on your face, handle ending it with the current man, and take some time to yourself to consider what you acrually want.

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Well, he packed up his life and moved on his own accord. You didn't force him to do it. And you've been more than generous with allowing him to move in and cover his expenses when he lost his job.


You don't appear to be madly in love with him, and that's a problem. Helping you around the house isn't the basis for a relationship.


You need to think about what you want for your future. Do you see yourself with this guy long term? Will he ever make enough money to pull his weight? If you decide he's not for you, you need to have a serious and honest discussion with him...sooner better than later.

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This has nothing to do with his age...there are plenty of older guys out there that still don't have their crap together. Honesty is where you need to be at.....tell him this is not what you were expecting, and you are done with this....get him on the plane and send him on his way. He's an adult, he can take it and move on.

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Be fair to both of you, break up and allow yourselves to move on with your lives. It would be worse to be stuck in a love-less relationship no matter whose fault it is to make the exit. Relationships dissolve for so many reasons. You don't have to make excuses. Just be honest with him so he can live his own life, too. Part ways peacefully. It will be painful especially for him but at least give him the kindest cut.

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It's not about breaking up with him because he "did nothing wrong" or "deserving his love", you shouldn't feel guilty or even overthink it in that context. Sure, he may have done nothing wrong as in cheating or being abusive, but it doesn't sound like you are 'in love' with this guy, at least anymore. If you are questioning things, you need to have an honest and open conversation with him about it and tell him how you are feeling. I wouldn't mention you developing a small potential crush on another guy, but definitely tell him that you are confused and are having doubts so that if you do decide to break up with him, it won't seem random and out of nowhere on his part.


You pretending to be happy with the relationship and putting on a fake smile is essentially lying to his face. You staying with him only because he doesn't have a place to go except back home to his country is merely just stringing both you and him along, as he probably thinks everything is okay. Also, if he likes/loves you enough, he should definitely be sensing or noticing that something is different with you.


If I were in your shoes, I would have a conversation with him. A heart-to-heart, serious conversation where you express your thoughts and concerns. See what he has to say (he may even be having doubts himself), and make a mutual decision on where to go from there. If he respects you as you say he does, then he will understand your feelings and will help you make the decision.

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