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She Loves Calls While I Prefer Texting


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I've been with a girl for around 8 months and we've been hitting off pretty well. Except unfortunately she hates texting. She always wants to talk over the phone but I really don't like calling and flirting where everybody can hear what we're talking.

Sometimes she can't hear what I'm saying andd the other way around.

I can get pretty anxious inside my head over this :/ I'd totally prefer whatsapp or normal texting. I don't mind calling her everyday to wish her Good morning and Good night. And we take a video call every night I love that too. But the fact that she wants me to call before I have breakfast/lunch/dinner, and even when I want to talk about the simplest thing with her, that's the issue.

How do you think I should face this?

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tell her how you feel- but with a compromise. so that even though you might be saying something that could potentially cause conflict, you are already met with some solution. so think to yourself; how could you compromise with her? if you like to text, and her call, then perhaps call her every morning/‘night and text her throughout the day?

 

just talk to her about it, that’s the key thing here. communication.

 

another thing I might suggest is Snapchat! She might feel the need to call you because she wants to feel close and intimate with you (a part of her love language basically), so y’all could talk that way, but it’s more convenient and on your terms.

 

Best of luck :) 🖤

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How often do you get to see each other in person and for dates?

I felt tight in the chest just reading that. Holy suffocation batman. There needs to be time to breathe without the other, and everyone is different on what that means, but personally I'd stop with all the calls after telling her once or twice how you would prefer a different tempo.

Honestly can you imagine if it got to where you dread hearing from your sweetie?

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I also wonder how often you are able to see one another, like itsallgrand, I think it’s a bit much.

 

I would try to tone things down a bit while also trying to meet her half way, call regularly, meet for dates regularly, but allow yourself a peace and stay in your comfort zone.

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I don't mind calling her everyday to wish her Good morning and Good night. And we take a video call every night I love that too. But the fact that she wants me to call before I have breakfast/lunch/dinner, and even when I want to talk about the simplest thing with her, that's the issue.

 

So you already speak on the phone three times a day?

 

And she wants to increase that?

 

I would find that incredibly tedious and suffocating.

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Be careful with excessive contact whether phone calls or texting.

 

My husband and I dated before the Internet age which was refreshing. We spoke on the phone occasionally but saved all conversations for verbal discussions in person every time we were together. This way, you don't smother each other until you're sick 'n tired of each other! This prevents the relationship from growing stale.

 

Beware of burnout for excessive contact. Talk to her in person and tell her you want to keep the relationship fresh by not over doing it with "in your face" relentless communication. Save it for in person and only resort to phone chats and texting for urgent matters or fairly important matters. Phone calls, texting, emails, messages and the like transforms into a ball 'n chain. It becomes burden.

 

I agree with others about reaching a compromise. Be fair so no one is saddled with endless contact. Give each other an electronic break because it's healthier.

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When I read the title my automatic thought was compromise but it seems you already have by calling morning and night and texting in between.

 

Btw that is excessive contact as it is.

She sounds incredibly needy never mind annoying!

Does she have absolutely no respect for your time?

 

Tell her ok you won’t text , but don’t call her more. Stick to your already too many calls.

 

Is this a long distance thing? Have you ever met her?

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+1 for waaaaaay too many calls!

 

Be thankful she also doesn’t want to text? Oh my. Anything more than 1, maybe 2 calls a day is excessive. What do you even talk about all those times?

 

In a healthy relationship, you need space to have hobbies and friends and a life outside of each other.

 

To me, this all sounds micro-managing and suffocating.

 

I agree you should dial back all the contact for the health of the relationship.

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Be careful with excessive contact whether phone calls or texting.

 

My husband and I dated before the Internet age which was refreshing. We spoke on the phone occasionally but saved all conversations for verbal discussions in person every time we were together. This way, you don't smother each other until you're sick 'n tired of each other! This prevents the relationship from growing stale.

 

Beware of burnout for excessive contact. Talk to her in person and tell her you want to keep the relationship fresh by not over doing it with "in your face" relentless communication. Save it for in person and only resort to phone chats and texting for urgent matters or fairly important matters. Phone calls, texting, emails, messages and the like transforms into a ball 'n chain. It becomes burden.

 

I agree with others about reaching a compromise. Be fair so no one is saddled with endless contact. Give each other an electronic break because it's healthier.

 

 

- Good post.

 

Calling and texting should be primarily to set a date. Save the conversations for the date, you'll have more to talk about

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Thats the rule of thumb when you first start dating a person to keep the mystery and her chasing you but when your in a relationship this is rubbish, apart from wanting to text my girlfriend obviously being in a relationship your going to need to text your partner for what ever reason.

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You need to go out on more in person dates. Scale way back on all the texting, calling and videochats. It's excessive. Tell her you'll talk in person and then arrange to meet.

She most probably won't have sex until marriage I'm willing to accept that. She doesn't even wanna get fully undressed when with me. Conservative like that :)
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.... But the fact that she wants me to call before I have breakfast/lunch/dinner, and even when I want to talk about the simplest thing with her, that's the issue.

How do you think I should face this?

 

What's with the extreme amount of daily chats? This seems like an unrealistic (and unhealthy IMO) amount of contact during the day. I am normally a much bigger fan of in person chats than texting being the bigger vehicle for communication, but a phone call MULTIPLE times a day? Even in the pre-texting era, when I had a long distance relationship, I had one phone call a day, and that was more than plenty.

 

 

So first off, have you told her you don't like calling that often? Has she explained why she is so text-averse? Is it literally for every single text you want to send, she requires a phone conversation?

 

Also... do you guys have work? School? The bigger issue I see here is that you feel like you have to be in touch all day long. That is not a healthy foundation for any relationship.

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Pardon - have you met each other in person or is this a long distance relationship?

 

I'm not feeling like you get to see each other in person often or at all so that's why your communication seems to be overcompensating for in-person quality time. I also think the lines are a bit blurred in the beginning (within the first 3-6 months) and we often lose track of our better judgment and all rules go out the window when it comes to texting/calling/speaking or keeping in touch. I don't think it's helpful to call each other when you're not in a quiet place for example as the quality of the call is compromised and either of you or both of you end up feeling cheated of connecting properly with each other.

 

I am not a fan of Whatsapp but it's it's fairly sleek and seems to cater to a lot of people I know so I do end up using it. I find the ticks and the double ticks for read and unread etc are overkill and a bit like big brother. I'm aware I can control this and limit the functions but people are used to it I suppose and might not take well to me disabling it. You may be used to Whatsapp because it tells you exactly when she's seen the message and it allows you to overthink when she replies to you. It's an instant gratification trigger there while the phone calls are hit or miss with the reception or background noise.

 

I think both of you will figure it out on your own. If it's so early, you're just going through growing pains like now. I'd be honest with her so that there are no misunderstandings and it also leaves room for you not to answer a phone call here and there. You might also want to establish quiet spaces and appropriate times for a phone call. If you are long distance with each other or it's starting off that way, maybe think over whether it's a good idea and whether this type of communication or relationship is suited to you.

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A big way to avoid the needless drama of compromising on something like this is to simply communicate in the way you're comfortable communicating from the beginning. She likes to call and chat. Honestly seems excessive to me, but harmless enough on its own. However, just because she calls doesn't mean you have to oblige her and pick up. If you can and want to, then do it. If can't or don't want to, then don't. It's not rude to simply not hold yourself responsible to grant someone your time upon their request or demand.

 

I've used the example before, but even with my wife, while she's by no means a teenager glued to her phone, she might text or gchat me a few times during the day with random musings. I'll generally check to make sure it's not an emergency, but I usually don't split my attention enough to respond. If it's interesting, I'll bring it up later when we're together. I don't get on her for texting more than I care to, and she understands sending anything is mostly going to be for her own amusement and satisfaction in having simply sent it to me. It doesn't bother either of us. If this lady likes calling when she's got a spare minute and she doesn't see any harm in it, then that's her style. Assert your own by answering as little or often as you'd like to. So long as you're cool with her calling just in case you've both got a spare minute to shoot the ****, and she's cool with the fact there will probably be many times you can't or aren't up for it, there's not much issue there. It could be anyone calling you three times a day. It's got nothing to do with her personally.

 

And that's how I'd approach it. Not telling her she's calling too much, but letting her know while you'll gladly answer when you can, you won't be able to split your attention during your day as much anymore. I wouldn't focus on qualifying it as it's its own big red flag if someone isn't able to grasp someone may simply not want to answer their phone to chit chat at any point during the day. Unfortunately, you've waited 8 months to consider drawing this line in the sand, so there is some inherent drama to changing the pattern. Best you can do is maintain or even step up efforts to make things happen through actual dates. If that's not enough assurance for her, then you're again looking incompatibility in the eye.

 

Again speaking personally, I don't like either calling or texting. As far as arranging the next date, it's inconsequential to me whether it's done over SMS or through a quick 5-minute phone call. But beyond either, I greatly prefer consolidating the conversation into the time we're physically together. If either or both of us aren't getting that quality time face-to-face and in-person to where we're getting anxious over the lines and methods of communication, that's as clear a sign of incompatibility as any for me.

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I've been with a girl for around 8 months and we've been hitting off pretty well. Except unfortunately she hates texting. She always wants to talk over the phone but I really don't like calling and flirting where everybody can hear what we're talking.

Sometimes she can't hear what I'm saying andd the other way around.

I can get pretty anxious inside my head over this :/ I'd totally prefer whatsapp or normal texting. I don't mind calling her everyday to wish her Good morning and Good night. And we take a video call every night I love that too. But the fact that she wants me to call before I have breakfast/lunch/dinner, and even when I want to talk about the simplest thing with her, that's the issue.

How do you think I should face this?

 

What does "I've been with a girl" mean exactly? I echo Rose's question, have you met each other in person?

 

You mention, calling, texting, videochat, whatsapp but not one word about actually talking in person.

 

Would you clarify please, my response (and I assume others) would depend on being clear about that, thanks.

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