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Spouse is 6 months pregnant and left me.

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So here it goes.


We’ve been together 5 years. We have a 2 year old son and she is 6 months pregnant. She left me 1.5 months ago. She said it was because I did t appreciate her, I took her for granted and I didn’t make her feel like a priority. She said several times she doesn’t feel like I love her or care about her.


After my own reflection. I also think it’s because we gave up on trying keeping the emotional connection alive.


I love this woman our family and every day we’ve been apart has made me realize how much I love her. I feel guilty for not being there now to support her through this pregnancy.


She started seeing another man within days of me leaving the home, he is unattractive and from what I’ve heard not a good man. Anyways I k ow it’s likely she started things with him before I left our home. I dont suspect her of physical cheating but I’m certain there was conversations over Facebook before I ever left the house.


She has pressed charges on me recently out of nowhere. Spousal abuse. She said 3 years ago we were arguing and I pushed her on our bed. Just to be clear that never happened.


It’s also worth noting she has ptsd from

Childhood trauma as well anxiety.

She also didn’t do well in the first pregnancy and seemed to act irrationally at times. Being upset over trivial things. Pushing me away etc.


I have no idea why she is doing this. I know we had problems with communication and that I wasn’t a very good spouse. I’d often make her feel alone by not making an effort to spend time with her I didn’t try to romance her. Etc


I miss her and our family fiercely. I guess

I was hoping for advice on how to increase the chances of us reconciling as well as insight on what might be going on in her head.


Thank you all. I am not in a good

Place and feel sick thinking she is cuddling with another man. That this other man is feeling my baby move as the cuddle.

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What happened with the charges pressed?


It sounds like you are trying to second guess her feelings and asking us to?

We can’t do that and neither can you?


Boils down to poor communication.

Although it does sound like she expressed herself but you never listened.

Why not?


Perhaps tell us more , your side of the story? Not what you think is hers?

Then we might be able to attempt to see what’s going on?

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Okay here’s more info.



I was a ty spouse. There’s no other way to put it. It’s not because I was the world biggest or abusive, or particularly hard to live with.


I was a ty spouse because I didn’t respect my partners thoughts and feelings about things I mistakenly believed didn’t matter. When two people disagree, both think they’re right. Which makes the other person wrong. And that’s was the wrong mindset. We can both perceive things differently and at the same time both our feelings be valid.


That was the trouble, I consistently invalidated her feelings without consciously doing it.


I did by not taking her pain or frustrations seriously when I didn’t understand them.


I did it by not taking the time to understand why she felt the way she did when she frustrated, or angry , or sad.


I did it by allowing myself to be blinded by the hurt she had caused me, when I needed to be compassionate and acknowledging of her emotions.


She’s said on numerous occasions that she felt I didn’t love her or care for her, and I just brushed it off because I couldn’t understand how she could feel like that. I’d say things like;


“how can you feel that way! Look at all the things I do for you, I do anything you ask like make you snacks when you’re hungry or clean up, and I honour 90% of your requests of me.i build you things that you want and work on our home! I wouldn’t do these things if I didn’t love you.”


But what I failed to realize then was that just because that’s a way I show love doesn’t mean that’s how she sees it. I didn’t LISTEN to what she was saying she NEEDED.


She wanted the affection, sex, romance, to give her heart completely to me and she wanted us to be a family, all as much as I did. I know that. Where I failed was in understanding that she wasn’t feeling loved. So she couldn’t give those things or accept them. She needed the compassion and a willingness from me to truly listen to her and hear her. She needed me to show her that she was important to me and that I prioritized her. She needed me to see her sadness and do something about it.


When your spouse is at their threshold of emotional pain it’s up to you to put your feelings aside and acknowledge their feelings. It didn’t even have to be much. I could have simply crawled into bed and held her close and said;


“I know you’re hurting and I’m sorry. When you’re ready I want to know what’s bothering you.”


And than followed through. If it was something that I was doing i needed to acknowledge and change that behaviour. If it was something else I needed to support her and make her feel safe that we would tackle it together and she had me in her corner.


For years, I put my wants and needs ahead of her’s. Not for the big things which is all I thought mattered. I put me first in all the “little things.” Disagreements about housework, passively leaving her to manage our schedules, and the logistics of caring for our children.

She tried to talk to me about it. But I didn’t listen.

I thought she was nagging. Complaining. Being needy. Being a .


I thought because I was a nice person, and that I’d made sacrifices for her, that I was a good spouse. I thought because I didn’t do a bunch of bad things some guys do that I was a good spouse. I didn’t realize it until much too late: Good men can be bad spouses.



think the hardest part about all this is how much guilt I feel for not supporting her in this pregnancy and now not having the chance to make that right. I would give anything to be able to be there for her and our children during this time.


I have a lot of regrets about our relationship mostly how I treated her like she was second or even third in my list of priorities. I loved her and our family to depths I didn’t even know

possible and yet I couldn’t show it.


My counsellor has helped me greatly in working out Why. we’ve let our childhood and how much lack of attention/affection we got change us and put our walls up. I wish I had started unpacking this stuff sooner. Riley had asked me to go to counselling before and I think maybe she understood this was the issue or at least part of it. She was right and I should have listened.

I honestly believe she wanted this work and it took a lot for her to leave.


Not talking to her for several weeks has given me a lot of clarity about the situation and I think she left because she didn’t see any other option. I didn’t give her any other option. I know she loved me. And she wanted things to work out but I think at the end she just felt there was no hope of things getting better because I didn’t show her any intention of making things better.


It’s a hard pill to swallow that she is with someone else now but I guess I just hope she find happiness and her and I can move forward now and maybe one day be someone approximating friends and good coparents.


I think a part of me will always hope she will see how much I love her and that I understand why she left and that she’ll give our family another chance. At this time the best thing I can do is push that out of my mind though and if it ever happens that she expresses interest is trying again, than focus on it and give it my all.


For now I need to be strong for myself the children and her and let my feelings go so I can be there for her and our baby without stressing her out. That means when we are able to talk again I absolutely must not mention anything about our relationship or try to talk to her about it again. I need to let that die. If we ever do try again it will be building something new and not building on the past anyways. I also need to listen to what her boundaries are and respect them.

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“ That means when we are able to talk again I absolutely must not mention anything about our relationship or try to talk to her about it again. I need to let that die.”


I hope your therapist didn’t suggest that!?


It’s a must to discuss these things. Regardless of the outcome .

To not discuss is you doing what it seems you always have done. Invalidated her feelings? Putting you first?



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She doesn’t want to talk about it anymore , she clearly tried to before and it fell on deaf ears and she was called a nag for discussing things.

So, for the meantime she is done talking.


Has she ever had an apology from you that didn’t involve the word sorry?


Perhaps you need to write her a letter. Not saying sorry. But a letter that suggests you now understand.


It could of course be that you two are truly incompatible. If you are then it’s best you co parent.

If you believe that it’s not incompatibility but lack of communication and understanding , are you willing to be the man she needs you to be?

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Look, all we have to go on is your side of the story, but here's my take after reading your posts:


1. She left you, started a relationship with another man, and has made clear she is unwilling to work on the issues or talk with you about them.

2. You have had issues in your relationship going back awhile now. You seem to know what those were on your part. This is not one-sided - she has issues too. You are willing to work on them together and she is not.

3. She pressed charges against you for actions you state you never did.


What you need to do now is focus on you, resolve the matter that is being brought up against you - work with a lawyer to settle the charges however possible. Move on from this woman because as you describe her she is extremely unstable and unpredictable, and these circumstances are not healthy for you or your family. Stop wallowing in what you did wrong, accept that it is over (and that is probably for the best), and try to work on mending the mess as much as possible for yourself and your kids.

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Does she have a restraining order against you? It would be best to leave her alone. No one can give you tips on how to reenter her life if you admit to and were charged with abuse.

She has pressed charges on me recently out of nowhere. Spousal abuse.

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My husband was like you say you were. He thought that because he worked 60 hours a week and brought his full paycheck home and didn't go to bars or anything, I should be 100% happy. I told him multiple times that I appreciate his hard work but me and the kids wanted HIM. Not his paycheck. He CHOSE to work extra hours with no extra pay. Seven days a week, holidays, you name it. And when he came home from work he was angry and cranky and exhausted and didn't want to deal with me or the kids. Didn't even say hello!


I divorced him. My dream of an intact family and 50 years of marriage died.


Your wife's dream died too. I'm sure she is hurt and disappointed too. Maybe she is seeking comfort and attention from the other man that she feels she didn't get from you. It's all a shame.

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I have no idea why she is doing this. I know we had problems with communication and that I wasn’t a very good spouse. I’d often make her feel alone by not making an effort to spend time with her I didn’t try to romance her. Etc


Unfortunately, you took everything for granted. It sounds like she gave you PLENTY of warning, but you concentrated too much on what YOU do for your family to recognize that. It sounds like you were not capable of being in a well-functioning marriage. And, not that it is ok--by any means!--, but when you couldn't give her what she needed, she probably went elsewhere and found the new guy.

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I'm not buying it that a pregnant woman leaves you and then already gets a new boyfriend--while pregnant.


If it were me? I would insist on testing to see who is the father.


I forgot to add, although I can't say with certainty that ALL men would not start up a relationship of any sort with a pregnant woman; my quick survey around the office was 100% NO WAY!


Why take on such a burden? Unless, of course the guy is already involved and thinking the kid is his.

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the more important question - did she leave with the 2 year old or do you have the 2 year old. You need to speak to an attorney and find out how you establish your rights to your children if she up and left with the two year old. The new guy taking up with her sounds fishy unless the child is his, or he is someone who has extremely poor boundaries. You say he's unattractive - that doesn't matter - if she wants someone who will listen to her - she is not looking for someone more attractive than you, just someone who will listen. You need to put the kabosh on her bringing the child around him, right now. Step up and be a good and protective dad.

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Was there a court intervention for you to leave the home and a restraining order to stay away? All you can do is get a good attorney and defend yourself. Does the restraining order extend to the kids or will you be allowed supervised visitation at some point? If you are convicted with abuse you may at some point be allowed supervised visitation, but you need a very good attorney right now.

days of me leaving the home....She has pressed charges on me recently out of nowhere. Spousal abuse.
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There’s no restraining order and I see my some regularly. I see him at a minimum 4 days a week for at least 5 hours each day.


I agree I find it fishy that she is with someone so fast. I just don’t understand why if she cheated and it is possible it’s not mine why she wouldn’t say anything. It’ll will eventually come out when the child is born.

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