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Three dates in the first week...Time to slow down?


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Do you think meeting and hanging out three times in a week is a little excessive? There is no sex and I don't intend on anything sexual to happen anytime soon. I'm quite interested in the guy and it's very easy with him, but maybe once a week is better to pace it out?

 

In the past I've had 4 dates in the first week before and then literally like 4 or 5 dates a week every week after and that was a very intense but somewhat short-lived relationship. I don't want that to happen again.

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I don't think there are really any rules to this stuff. Just because one person you hung out with 3 times (or more) in a week burned out fast, doesn't mean that's what always happens.

 

My feeling, for whatever it's worth, is that I like to feel like "myself," meaning that the bright new thing, exciting as it is, isn't throwing me into another solar system but just sort of adding to that thing that is me. If that's once a week, great. If it's four times a week, great. If I'm suddenly spinning around in my head about it all and struggling to focus on other things—not great, and maybe time to reconnect to myself so I can keep connecting, authentically, to the new person.

 

And, sure, maybe that means letting off the throttle the tiniest bit.

 

He's not the last guy. He's a new guy. Some version of what happened in the past—basically it not working out—might happen. That's always the risk. Then again, it might be different. That's the thrill. The more you can be open to that reality, rather than trying to hedge against it to prevent being scraped up as you once were, the better the chance of it becoming something different and genuine.

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I agree with Bluecastle. You both make the rules. If you're worried about how you are coming across or first impressions, gauge by his behaviours and how he responds to you. If it's not the type of relationship you're looking for be honest with him about what you're looking for and most of all be honest with yourself.

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I dont think its set in stone but a little time apart allows you both to miss each other, creates more anticipation and keeps things fun during this stage. Dont mold your current relationship to your past failed ones....its a different person, different connection. Enjoy yourself, set your own pace to the two of you.

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I don’t think there are any rules to this. If you have fewer dates in a week, perhaps there’s more time to miss each other and you can also observe how much he is texting etc., but I don’t think it’s a bad thing to have three dates in a week.

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One date a week is perfect. It gives you time to process your feelings, him, etc.

 

However, some people really hit it off right away, have a little love at first sight, and can't stay away from each other. So it depends on the situation.

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I used to hate the saying “Absence makes the heart grow fonder.” In fact I still hate the saying and it’s not true!

 

I think if you space it out too much you don’t really get to know each other. Where as a couple dates or three a week is a good amount to know if you have something there.

 

With my boyfriend in the beginning we spent three to four days a week. Then when he moved now we only spend weekends. We’ve been going strong for six months so it works for us.

 

Don’t worry about the past relationship burning out. There were probably inconsistencies in that relationship to begin with.

 

Enjoy the new relationship and set yourself a pace you both find comfortable.

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One date a week is perfect. It gives you time to process your feelings, him, etc.

 

This is a very good point. Thanks for mentioning. When my husband and I met we went on first and second dates back to back Sunday/Monday but it was because of some personal limitations (unable to coordinate time together as frequently as we would have liked). I like the idea of taking time to process feelings inbetween and savouring the time spent, making it more about quality time together. It also depends on your other commitments and what your schedules are like.

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There are no rules. If you want to see him, see him. If you don't, don't!

 

I find, that when I am dating someone new and I am really interested, I want to be around them a lot! So it seems totally normal to me. But some people are different. As long as you are having a good time and don't feel like he is being needy or possessive, go for it!

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So hmmmmm. I was a fan of pacing myself with a longer term view. For a number of reasons (not sex, I wasn't going to have sex that early no matter what). I like getting to know people over a period of time, maintaining my life and routine while that is happening. Unwrapping the layers of the person over time. SEeing how they are over time. Like let's say you have 4 dates in 3 weeks. In 3 weeks you're much more likely to see how they are when they are not at work (assuming some sort of typical Monday-Friday job), see how they react to typical life situations, etc. And then of course 10 dates in 2 months v. 2 weeks and change -then you might see how they are when they have standing plans with friends, or celebrating someone's bday, or a holiday, etc. And on the negative side you're more likely to get a cold, have a headache, etc over two months instead of 16 days so you get to see how they deal with that.

 

I do think I like that "there are no rules -see him when you want to" for a vacation fling or for something that's definitely going to be short lived -then just enjoy the heck out of the ride.

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Are you looking for fun, or for a long term relationship? If you're looking for the latter, then I think it's better to pace it out--especially if you've just met. Just because it feels like you've known each other forever doesn't mean you actually know each other well. Hormones are tricky like that.

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Yes, but we met on a dating app and talked extensively for three weeks.

 

We now talk all the time everyday and I think it's nice but abit full on. We really click and the banter is what I've wanted for awhile. But of course I do know he's still a stranger so I treat him like one.

 

I am wanting something potentially serious eventually so no lol I'm not looking for fun. Never been that type of female aha.

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there are no rules to this hon. do whatever feels right to you, literally. if you two want to see each other 7 times a week even and it is both beneficial to you both, do it! if you start to think that way.. as in ‘oh, I will only see him once a week’ you start falling into a weird and messy pattern of how things SHOULD be done.. when there is no way for it to be done. just enjoy yourself!

 

i have the same problem with intense and short relationships. the trick is to not rely on them too much for your happiness, be an individual. let the relationship happen, let it flow, but remember to put yourself first always.

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Yes, but we met on a dating app and talked extensively for three weeks.

 

We now talk all the time everyday and I think it's nice but abit full on. We really click and the banter is what I've wanted for awhile. But of course I do know he's still a stranger so I treat him like one.

 

I am wanting something potentially serious eventually so no lol I'm not looking for fun. Never been that type of female aha.

 

I would completely discount the "talking" before you met as far as relevance to a potentially serious relationships and I would be careful about being too available to see him or chat - glad you still see him as a stranger.

 

I think it's fine to look for fun or see something as casual/short lived (like a vacation fling or being out of town for work for a couple of months) - there's no "type of female" who likes that - but if you feel that way - show him that your time is valuable to you, that you have a fun, fulfilling, busy life without him -and pacing yourself shows that. I would stop talking all the time because it might give the wrong impression. Head in the clouds.... but feet on the ground. And enjoy!!

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Totally agree with Batya.

 

What raises my eyebrow is less the three dates in the first week than the three weeks of extensive chatting and the talking "all the time everyday." All that can be very delicious, of course, but it's a candy-like deliciousness: a mainlining of sweetness that can turn sour quickly. Kind of splits the brain between thinking "compelling stranger I've met three times" and "compelling person I've known for a month."

 

But all good. It's just been a week. You can subtly adjust the pace—both in seeing each other and the texting—and if that adjustment happens organically it's a good sign of things to come.

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It sounds like you're setting healthy boundaries and asking good questions here! I don't see why 3 times a week would be a problem, as long as neither one of you feel like it is. When my husband and I started seeing each other we were in the same group of friends at the same college, so it wasn't uncommon to see each other every day, and that wasn't a problem for our relationship at all.

 

In my opinion the extra time together can help you both make a quicker decision if this is "the one." Then you don't risk dragging out time and feelings over something that won't last. If you're looking for fun things to fill all that time, I read this article the other day with 25 fun random questions for dates.

 

I hope this works out for you!

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No it's not excessive. I saw my then husband almost daily back in the day. Everyone is different. Fortunately, my husband and I resided locally.

 

If you don't want to burnout and have the 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' mentality, then back off and see each other less. Also, don't engage in relentless texting, emails, messages, voice mails and phone chats which turns into a time trap.

 

Give each other space if you wish to prevent your relationship from growing stale.

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