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Anxiety about giving oral


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So I've always had anxiety when it comes to oral sex. It makes me hesitant to even receive oral because I don't want to feel bad if I chicken out with giving oral. I'm trying to overcome it the best I can but now I'm in a new relationship and feel like I have to start over again. Last guy I was with let me cover his face the first time but he sneakily uncovered his face. lol. He always have compliments or I could tell that he liked it and all but I am petrified every single time.


It sucks because I enjoy it and it turns me on but at the same time I'm extremely nervous and terrified and I feel embarrassed even though I've never been given a legit reason to feel that way. It's literally just all in my head. I think it stems from my overall anxiety of fearing what other people think and such. Idk. :( I don't have any sexual abuse that I can attribute it too. I just clam up every time. Therefore I haven't given that much head over many years. Probably not helping the situation.


So my current boyfriend finally suggested that I give him head next time and tried to convince me last time we were together but I chickened out and he is respectful about it but I don't want to chicken out every time. It's something I want to overcome and something o actually want to do because it does turn me on. It's just exhausting on my mind because of my anxiety.


Anyone have any advice on how to relax more and overcome this?

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How long have you been dating? Stop being pressured. Stop trying to win love, approval or a relationship through performing sex acts. If you're not ready it means you're not ready. Go out on dates and try being romantic rather than sexual right away.

So my current boyfriend finally suggested that I give him head next time and tried to convince me last time we were together
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My advice would be to take it slow and just communicate with each other. If he's been understanding and patient with you, knowing that you don't have much practice, I'm sure you guys can work through it in baby steps until you get more and more comfortable and confident with it. He's not going to expect the world's greatest bj out of you and seriously, most dudes aren't really too hard to please when it comes to oral. Just try to enjoy it and the more you enjoy it the more he will. The biggest turn on is when you can tell the girl is really into it. Stop worrying so much about the person judging your performance. As long as you're trying you're doing enough, and then in time you'll understand how he likes it and he shouldn't be shy about requests and pointers either as long as he respects when you're not comfortable or whatever.


But again, baby steps. The only way to conquer your fears is to face them head on, pun intended.


But this sounds like you may have a general anxiety problem that tends to hinder areas of your life that you want to enjoy, and in that case therapy and/or meds might be in order. If you're of legal drinking age, perhaps a couple drinks could serve to calm your nerves as well when you're about to get intimate.

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Google performance anxiety.


But I also agree with Wiseman, it doesn't sound like you're ready to be doing these sexual acts if you have this much anxiety attached to it.


Try to focus more on connecting with your partner in non sexual ways and building trust through those connections rather than sex, at least for now.

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But again, baby steps. The only way to conquer your fears is to face them head on, pun intended.


I also agree with this, however, I do think you could be putting the cart before the horse and going too fast with sex which is why the performance anxiety shows up.


Give yourself time, don't let anyone make you feel pressured into it, and by pressured, let your boyfriend know that him even asking, isn't what you need right now.


It really does need to be at a much slower pace and baby steps.


If you rush it, it will go wrong once again.

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My advice would be to take it slow and just communicate with each other.




I think much of the pressure around the situation will be relieved if you just tell him straight that you haven't given much head before and you're worried in case it isn't good. I'm sure he'll just reassure you that it's fine and then the two of you can go at it from there.

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Doesn’t sound like anyone is pressuring you. More like normal communication .

The only pressure on you is what you are putting on yourself.


Your last bf covered his face while you did it? So, that suggests your anxiety is not your performance but about appearance?

He uncovered his face because he was enjoying it and didn’t want to be “blindfolded”?


It is ok to do things you enjoy !!

So enjoy!

Oral sex is not taboo and people have been doing it for thousands of years. Even your grandparents lol

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I am interested to know why you made your previous boyfriend cover his face. I am also quite shocked he agreed!


Were you uncomfortable with him looking at you, watching?


If so, this suggests a certain self-conciousness about how you look or appear during the act versus performance anxiety imo.


How did you feel when you realized he uncovered his face? Did you stop? Or become nervous, more self-consciousness?


Apologies for all the questions but I think there is something deeper going on versus your just not being ready.

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I'm not sure. You seem inexperienced to me. It's not exactly the greatest profile, woman to woman, and it's not the most interesting thing to do (a bit run of the mill to be honest) but I know how engaging it must look to the opposite sex. How do you fair in other sexual activities? Do you ever take the lead? It's fine if you don't or don't feel comfortable.

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Thank you all for the questions, feedback, and advice!


Firstly, I would like to restate if I didn't word it right above but my current boyfriend is not in any way trying to pressure me into anything I'm not comfortable with. He's actually very respectful and understands that I am shy about it. I don't think that he should just not mention it again until I'm ready because then it would probably never happen because of how my anxiety works I tend to have to push myself to get over my anxiety anyway. It's definitely not that I don't want to because I do.


To the person that asked why I made my previous partner cover his face (which I only did like one time and went on to give head a few other times after that)... Reason he let me was because it was a long time friend of mine that we had a FWB situation for a short time and he knows me and my anxiety and he knew if it would make me more comfortable that he'd do it. I continued after he sneakily uncovered but still felt self conscious I guess.


Probably it does boil down mostly to my generalized anxiety. I have anxiety in many areas of my daily life and I often think way too much of what other people think of me and probably this issue does have more to do with probably how I appear. I am currently in counseling for anxiety and have been for several months and I'm making a lot of progress in some areas. I've been avoiding medication but my primary care just recently prescribed Zoloft (which I may go ahead and try). I've been trying to work on ways of overcoming anxiety naturally but maybe it's time for me to try other options for now.


My current relationship is still relatively new. We've been dating a month and a half. So we're still getting to know each other.


As far as sounding inexperienced... I mean as far as blow jobs I would say I'm a bit inexperienced. I've probably given maybe 20 blow jobs in my life between like 2 or 3 people throughout my sexual history. As far as being sexually active I've been having sex for 12 years.


I think I'll just try to continue working on figuring out good ways to have less anxiety before I do try and talk more with my partner about it. I wish I could just magically get rid of my anxiety and just do it. Either way I'm just gonna have to push through and do it and it'll most likely get better over time. I've done that before. It's just kinda like being back to square one with someone new. lol

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Wait, you’ve only been dating a month and a half.


Be realistic with yourself, you recognize and acknowledge and are working with your issues with anxiety and you’ve only been dating for a month, you aren’t magical, of course you are feeling this way, just keep working on yourself and if your boyfriend respects you he will understand, be open and honest.

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Once you get more comfortable with him, you will likely over come your shyness about doing it. How about next time you are willing to try, YOU put the towel over your head or; have him blindfold himself until you are confident in your skillzzz and not so self conscious about how you appear.


Trust me, he will enjoy the visual so you don't have to worry about how you look or how you're doing. You both appear to have good communication so he can guide you into giving him the best head he will ever get.

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Take your time OP you guys haven’t been together long... the blindfold idea is a good one... or perhaps if it’s a matter of him looking at you, you can give him head while he is laying on his back and you could be facing towards his feet so you can’t see his face? With the lights off etc?

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