JohnSimons1901 Posted July 15, 2019 Share Posted July 15, 2019 So I am pretty good at handling situations and reading them with my GF but I wanted to know if anyone else has experienced anything similar. I have been seeing my GF for 8 months, we have a good sex life and get along most of the time. She is very sensitive to things I may do or say or even faces I make when I react to something she says/does and can go off in a funk just from my reaction... is this normal? She can be defensive and argue and create drama for her own problems, act like I did something to make her feel that way, when I haven't done anything to make her feel attacked when its her own problems nothing that I have done/said... she usually see's after the truth and apologises but not sure how much longer this can go on for, she will say she cant keep doing this when its her creating the issue.. ? Then apologise. She doesn't have many friends and can have a hard time getting along with people from what I see but she is generally very caring and loving. She even tells me she feels weird just generally sometimes or tired and comes out in a funk and I feel like im some times trying to bring her up alot. Any thoughts would be help full. Thanks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SarahLancaster Posted July 15, 2019 Share Posted July 15, 2019 Is this something that has been going on from the beginning or just recently? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnSimons1901 Posted July 15, 2019 Author Share Posted July 15, 2019 From the beginning I would say. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluecastle Posted July 15, 2019 Share Posted July 15, 2019 How old are you two? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SarahLancaster Posted July 15, 2019 Share Posted July 15, 2019 Well, the honeymoon phase is ending, and that's when the flaws start to become more noticeable. Have you communicated to her how much her behavior distresses you? Have you told her that the relationship is in danger? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnSimons1901 Posted July 15, 2019 Author Share Posted July 15, 2019 I am 29 she is 30 and yes we both know its damaging to our relationship Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gary Snyder Posted July 15, 2019 Share Posted July 15, 2019 To be a good catch, they have to be sane and have a good attitude. One of those two things could be her problem. Or, perhaps she is just lazy. You can try to straighten her out by cutting off affection and romance. When she asks, "What's wrong"? when you pull away from her, remind her about her last outburst. Maybe she'll be ready to listen and change. You'll never survive living with a moody woman. It's a living hell. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluecastle Posted July 15, 2019 Share Posted July 15, 2019 If she was 18 or 22 I'd say that kind of sensitivity often comes with territory of someone still coming into themselves. At 30? I'd say this is basically who she is: touchy, moody, high maintenance, difficult. What drains you in the moment probably fills her up. You mentioned that she doesn't have many friends. Not the best sign in a 30 year old. Speaking frankly, difficult people are hard to be friends with. They wear people out, as you're experiencing. Do you get a sense that she values herself as a person? That she enjoys her life outside of the relationship. People who create drama are often bored, and so this kind of pattern becomes an unhealthy way to staunch the boredom. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rose Mosse Posted July 15, 2019 Share Posted July 15, 2019 It sounds hormonal. She seems cognizant of the fact that she overreacts. I think both of you are incompatible in some ways or may be spending too much time with each other. Leave room for personal development and she should try to mitigate any overreactions due to mood/hormones. If she's a good woman, chill out and let her ride out these waves. Be clear what's bothering you but don't undermine the way she feels. She may be feeling very guilty and irritable with herself also. Edit: Saw the ages above. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnSimons1901 Posted July 15, 2019 Author Share Posted July 15, 2019 I think your right she is pretty moody/difficult/high maintenance when im the opposite, im very positive and people have told me I have a spring in my step! I think she values her self but gets easily bored and doesnt have a whole lot going on outside the relationship, im the one always making plans for us and coming up with things to do. She would think of something to almost be a problem when literally this specific problem wouldn't even cross my mind to get worked up about, Im pretty chilled and relaxed in most ways. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnSimons1901 Posted July 15, 2019 Author Share Posted July 15, 2019 Yes Rose Mosse I think she does irritate her self but I honestly try and understand her point of view and listen but I think she needs to deal with things on her own also as some things I wouldnt even bother getting worked up about. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rose Mosse Posted July 15, 2019 Share Posted July 15, 2019 You might also seem thoughtless to her or lacking in attention to detail (even though you're just different). Some detail-oriented people get irritated with others for missing the details or others not able to execute plans properly. Let her be her if you don't sense it's a big issue. Be more in tune with each other and I think creating better expectations (to reduce failed expectations in given situations helps). Eight months is extremely short. See whether this is still a problem in a year or a couple of years. You both will know when either of you will need to go to the bathroom (#1 or 2) soon just from the way your face looks. I think this is just the beginning phases of a relationship. Enjoy it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedDress Posted July 15, 2019 Share Posted July 15, 2019 When a person doesn’t have many friends or hobbies - I think this is exactly what happens. They have WAY too much time to over-analyze every little thing and find problems in everything. When your world is small, every little ripple is huge. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnSimons1901 Posted July 15, 2019 Author Share Posted July 15, 2019 RedDres youve hit the nail on the head, things that I wouldnt care about that may happen day to day are quite extreme to her as she doesnt have a social release. Rose Mosse you too are correct and its all part of a relationship and I hope she can learn her ways and deal with them better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluecastle Posted July 15, 2019 Share Posted July 15, 2019 I think your right she is pretty moody/difficult/high maintenance when im the opposite, im very positive and people have told me I have a spring in my step! I think she values her self but gets easily bored and doesnt have a whole lot going on outside the relationship, im the one always making plans for us and coming up with things to do. She would think of something to almost be a problem when literally this specific problem wouldn't even cross my mind to get worked up about, Im pretty chilled and relaxed in most ways. Pretty classic dynamic, in ways. People who are "pretty chilled" often attract people who are not particularly chilled—yin-yang stuff that "works," but often only in short stretches. Early on you get the reward of calming her down and quelling boredom by making plans, which can make you feel special, even manly, but that can quickly turn into resentment on both sides. Keep in mind that there is a fine line between being chilled and being a coddler. If you're engaging in long, fatiguing conversations about how a look on your face didn't mean x, y, and z, apologizing if it seemed like x, y, and z, and then a follow-up "discussion" about how all that x, y, and z stuff was an overreaction—well, I'd say you've crossed the line from being a chill dude to being a coddling dude. A genuinely chilled dude is too chilled to engage in that stuff. It's tough. Until she has more going on in your life, this is probably what things will look like. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnSimons1901 Posted July 15, 2019 Author Share Posted July 15, 2019 I have brought my self down to discussing such expressions of soughts :[ but I hate it honestly, I dont have time to ponder on what and why and this and that. Your right I think I am losing my self and need to stay firm on my self. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rose Mosse Posted July 15, 2019 Share Posted July 15, 2019 Rose Mosse you too are correct and its all part of a relationship and I hope she can learn her ways and deal with them better. I hope you don't take this too badly but this isn't a good attitude to have. It'll likely raise her hackles again and wonder why you think it's a her vs. you issue. This is a combined dynamic between her and you. Looking at it as if it's something that she should learn or deal is not healthy as a couple. I'm sensing you've started to detach and distance yourself emotionally. If you want to sincerely make this work, you'll have to behave as one unit and learn how you contribute to the dynamic also and own that. It doesn't mean you should be a punching bag (greatly discourage this). But you should be aware of the hand you play in the relationship and be aware on whether or not this is a relationship you want to be a part of. This is not simply her problem. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SarahLancaster Posted July 15, 2019 Share Posted July 15, 2019 I have brought my self down to discussing such expressions of soughts :[ but I hate it honestly, I dont have time to ponder on what and why and this and that. Your right I think I am losing my self and need to stay firm on my self. Do you see ending the relationship as an option right now? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnSimons1901 Posted July 15, 2019 Author Share Posted July 15, 2019 It sounds bad but if i were to meet someone else it would be a possibility, but all my friends are in relationships atm and I am fed up with the tinder experience going back on my self Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluecastle Posted July 15, 2019 Share Posted July 15, 2019 I agree with Rose. It's worth taking a moment and considering how some of what you're frustrated with right now is probably connected to things that excited you earlier. Probably the same gos for her. In short, you've built this dynamic together, and it seems, in the process, you're now both frustrated by playing roles that aren't quite authentic to who you want to be. She plays the Overreactive Pill, you play the Patient Soother. Neither of you much enjoy that dance, but neither of you quite know how to move to another step. Can that all be worked on? I suppose. Could it also be incompatibility? That's probably the question I'd be asking, since eight months in is awfully early to be in "work" mode in a relationship. Kind of seems like you each trigger some questionable sides in each other—triggers that maybe felt like chemistry at one point, especially since the sex is good, but now feel like friction. Friction and chemistry can feel very similar, until they don't. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SarahLancaster Posted July 15, 2019 Share Posted July 15, 2019 Maybe you need to communicate that with your girlfriend. Perhaps if she knows that if nothing changes you will be gone it might get her attention. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluecastle Posted July 15, 2019 Share Posted July 15, 2019 It sounds bad but if i were to meet someone else it would be a possibility, but all my friends are in relationships atm and I am fed up with the tinder experience going back on my self Yes, that sounds very bad. Imagine if she, or any girlfriend, said that about you. That if another guy magically appeared she could see herself leaving you—but, hey, all her friends are coupled up and swiping sucks so she'll grind it out a bit longer... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnSimons1901 Posted July 15, 2019 Author Share Posted July 15, 2019 I agree you have to communicate and be as open as you can, discuss your feelings with each other in which I try to do and encourage her to be herself and dont hold back, communication and trust is most important but irate irrational behaviour is not what im used to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnSimons1901 Posted July 15, 2019 Author Share Posted July 15, 2019 I get that but its life, to make the other person happy and to be happy in your self is key to a harmonious relationship. If i acted out and acted in a aggressive not nice way what would I expect... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluecastle Posted July 15, 2019 Share Posted July 15, 2019 Is this a dynamic you've had in past relationships? Like where you're sort of treating a woman with kid gloves, wavering between explaining/apologizing for yourself and then listening to her explain/apologize for being moody? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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