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Hi all,

 

This guy I was interested in from his dating profile had his account expire. I had messaged him a few weeks before it disappeared off the site and then felt sad when it disappeared from my favorites list (I know people shouldn’t do that). He seemed really cool. He is unique and I felt we would have a lot in common.

 

He’d given a rather descriptive explanation of his consulting job, and lives is a smaller city. Thanks to google I learned he had a consulting business with an instagram.

 

Yesterday afternoon I figured what the heck, and I sent him a message. I told him I knew it might come across as weird but that I had messaged him on the site, his account had disappeared and listed a few of the details that I was intrigued by.

 

He replied within the hour (45-50 minuets later) saying, “Thanks for the message and for introducing yourself” and noticing our commonalities and said he “Would love to correspond with you. Send me a message on my personal instagram”

 

So I did, right away (took about 15 minutes to write a few details about me (since he won’t be able to read my profile) and asked a few questions for him.

 

He followed me back right away, and read my message instantly but hasn’t responded yet.

 

I’m thinking maybe I should have delayed a little — I was just excited. I wasn’t really expecting to hear back from him (for obvious reasons). Maybe I did something wrong or maybe he doesn’t want to get into a long winded weekend-eating-up dialogue over Instagram.

 

Why might a man answer really quickly and positively but then not reply again as fast?

 

Any suggestions on what I should do now?

 

Thanks!

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Why was a date/communication never established at that time?

This guy I was interested in from his dating profile had his account expire. I had messaged him a few weeks before it disappeared off the site and then felt sad when it disappeared from my favorites list

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You went pretty out of your way to seek him out and make contact. Then, you left a detailed description of yourself in his box. Doing anything more would doom a situation that is unlikely to move forward.

 

If he responds to the message, write back when you get it. Just don't be chained to your phone waiting for it to come.

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I don't think it's gender related. You have no clue what this stranger has going on in his life so it's pure speculation as to why a stranger chooses not to text at a certain time or respond at a certain time. You've certainly gone the extra mile to get in touch.

 

As usual I have an anecdote to share. About 15 years ago I was on Eharmony -free trial only -just filled out my profile. I gave my first name, what I did for a living in some detail (meaning not just the general category but the specialty within because I thought it could prompt interesting conversation) and the city in which I lived.

 

I guess there was some restriction on non paying members being able to contact me -a few days later I get an email on my work email from a guy who said he'd seen my profile -he gave his name, where he worked, etc. Turned out he'd figured it out (yes even in the dark ages before social media) because there were only two people who fit my description completely and he just picked me first to see if it was me.

 

I actually did meet him - turned out we knew several people in common since we were in the same field. Was I creeped out? A little tiny bit but I realized that it would have been silly for him to pay for EHarmony just to make that first contact. I think we're connected on Linkedin.

 

Anyway, it's fine that you contacted him and now the ball is in his court so there's literally nothing to think about much less analyze.

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You went pretty out of your way to seek him out and make contact. Then, you left a detailed description of yourself in his box. Doing anything more would doom a situation that is unlikely to move forward.

 

If he responds to the message, write back when you get it. Just don't be chained to your phone waiting for it to come.

 

Yes,

I just told him a little about my faith journey. That’s pretty standard for the site we were on (and of interest to him based on his profile)

 

I know it was a reach to throw him a line, the fact that he responded and linked me to his personal account seemed positive to me...do you agree?

 

If I were him I wouldn’t have responded to someone I felt was legitimately creepy!

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He may be seeing someone, dating others, etc. Why not continue browsing and messaging/meeting men who are still active on the site? He may have been curious but he doesn't seem to really want to pursue this, for whatever reason.

Our timing was off. I was on the site, when I first came across his profile, he hadn’t signed in for a week when I messaged him, then two weeks went by, then his account was taken down (inactivity).
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Yes,

I just told him a little about my faith journey. That’s pretty standard for the site we were on (and of interest to him based on his profile)

 

I know it was a reach to throw him a line, the fact that he responded and linked me to his personal account seemed positive to me...do you agree?

 

If I were him I wouldn’t have responded to someone I felt was legitimately creepy!

 

The fact that he linked you to his personal account shows that he is comfortable linking you - it could be because he lets everyone and anyone link, it could be because he would like the option of being in contact in the future, it could be because he plans on seeing if you want to meet in person. It's not necessarily positive -linking someone to a social media account may or may not be related to interest in meeting the person in person.

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The fact that he linked you to his personal account shows that he is comfortable linking you - it could be because he lets everyone and anyone link, it could be because he would like the option of being in contact in the future, it could be because he plans on seeing if you want to meet in person. It's not necessarily positive -linking someone to a social media account may or may not be related to interest in meeting the person in person.

 

Good points,

I’m going to take it easy like you suggested and just relax and see what he does with it :)

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He may be seeing someone, dating others, etc. Why not continue browsing and messaging/meeting men who are still active on the site? He may have been curious but he doesn't seem to really want to pursue this, for whatever reason.

 

Thanks wise man,

Could be. I think he was just a trial member based on the timing, and how quickly his account became inactive.

 

Doesn’t mean he doesn’t have other things going on!

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Contacting someone off site might have them think it's a scam. It is common for men to be contacted by fakes, to lure them back to the site, so it's possible he is doing his own investigating to make sure you are legit. The ball is in his court now....if he is interested, he will be contacting you shortly.

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Good points,

I’m going to take it easy like you suggested and just relax and see what he does with it :)

 

I would go further. Nothing to "see" - just put it off your radar and if he contacts you in the future and if he asks to meet you in person or agrees to, then you will deal with it. The only relevant action on his part is to either ask to meet you in person or agree to do so. Unless your point is collecting contacts on social media sites. Which, it isn't so it seems.

 

If you truly want to meet someone you will choose not to use up head space on this.

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I would go further. Nothing to "see" - just put it off your radar and if he contacts you in the future and if he asks to meet you in person or agrees to, then you will deal with it. The only relevant action on his part is to either ask to meet you in person or agree to do so. Unless your point is collecting contacts on social media sites. Which, it isn't so it seems.

 

If you truly want to meet someone you will choose not to use up head space on this.

 

Nothing to "see" - I just meant balls in his court — I really agree about not giving it extra head space :)

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