Life in the Driver’s Seat (extended)

[Seraphim]

Still waiting to hear about my new niece. 

[Seraphim]

She was born an hour ago! Eight pounds. 

[Jibralta]

How are you settling in to your new house?

[Seraphim]

1 hour ago, Jibralta said:

How are you settling in to your new house?

Not all the way yet but I am not as panicked as before. I still want to go back home to my other base though. I have to examine why that is. I am trying to fit into my new community though and have gone for walks and coffee with people I met here. 

[Seraphim]

I think lack of change is comfortable to me. I miss J even if she wasn’t the greatest friend for me. We had things in common. But yeah, there is comfort in sameness. 

[Seraphim]

 

[Seraphim]

I am excited about the new iPhone but I have until Feb to pay for this one . 

[Seraphim]

Next Sat is my son’s birthday. My husband is his units duty officer that weekend, so he can’t go 50KM beyond the base but he is taking our son to a movie. 
 

I am picking up my mom and step dad on Friday to come and see our new place . 

[Seraphim]

 

[Seraphim]

I want to go home . 😓 I had a panic attack so bad that I almost fainted today. 

[boltnrun]

What is frightening you in your new city or home? Is it because it's unfamiliar? 

[itsallgrand]

Oh no, I'm so sorry you are going through this. I just want to give you big hugs. 

 

 

 

[Seraphim]

9 hours ago, boltnrun said:

What is frightening you in your new city or home? Is it because it's unfamiliar? 

I think because everything is new. I have to learn how to get everywhere. I feel safe in my house and on the base but everywhere else of course I don’t know where I am. My son instantly knows directions and knows where EVERYTHING is after one drive there . I need to drive it about 29 times to cement it into my head. I was never good at directions. 
 

The entire moving process is taking so so so much longer than expected.

We spent so much in unexpected money on vehicle repair. Like $3000. 
 

I am really unmotivated right now. I have been having migraines daily since I got here. Different plants and weather patterns. Allergies are really bad which drives the migraines . 
 

I miss my old home and friends and the fact that my business was great . 
Just too much at once I am overwhelmed. 

[Seraphim]

7 hours ago, itsallgrand said:

Oh no, I'm so sorry you are going through this. I just want to give you big hugs. 

 

 

 

Thank you. Yesterday we went to upgrade my son’s phone for his birthday and I just got panicked and was struggling to breath I thought I was going to pass out. I had to pull over because I was driving. I had to cry and breath for a bit and calm down. My son very prophetically says to me , mom, you can protect yourself . You are very capable and have your own voice and would knock someone silly if they tried to harm you. You ARE safe. And you have me to back you up. Feeling unsafe is at the heart of it. But he repeated my therapy 😂. You can protect yourself, you don’t need dad to feel safe. Nothing is unsafe about where we are. 
 

Thank you for the cyber hug. 

[Seraphim]

It is funny the base I live on now has its own distinction as a town because it was one before it was a base. Now it is just the base. The base is enclosed and not part of the surrounding town as the other one was. It is much quieter . No planes here so no one flying overhead 24/7. No random people driving around. No hwy next to my house . 
 

The town we are next to is smaller than the one I left but we are 20 minutes from a town 3 times the size of the bigger town that was near me before. I am an hour from TO. Lots of things to see and do here. 

[itsallgrand]

How is today going? 

Your son is so sweet. He knew just what to say! 

Have you noticed any patterns lately in these attacks? I've had a few myself during these Covid times, and that's without any moving or anything. Being in the car, or smaller spaces, is sometimes harder than it used to be. I just feel less safe in general, which I'm sure many are feeling too. It can be a perfectly safe situation, and sometimes I'll feel uneasy. 

The location sounds really nice! That's the best being close enough to a major center but not right in it, in my opinion. 

 

[boltnrun]

Your son sounds like a smart young man. He knew just what to say, didn't he?

When I go places where I could be uncomfortable (such as the event I went to last week which had about 20,000 attendees) I just give myself permission to leave if I need to and I plan an escape route. That way I know if it gets bad I can leave and it's not a big deal.

We do what we can and if there's something we're not quite ready for it's ok.

[Seraphim]

I will answer later this evening ladies when I have more time to think and write. 

[Seraphim]

[Seraphim]

Thank you ladies , yes , my son is a wonderful person with great kindness and good sense. I love him with all my heart. I am so happy to have raised a wonderful person . 
 

I guess there has been so much stress lately. Covid is a lot to do with  it. My son has had many many many meltdowns in almost every situation over the course of a year becoming more frequent as he feels more frustrated and targeted and infringed upon. It is so overwhelming for him and me as I am his primary helper. 

We do go out to a lot more places now but are aware it is a crap shoot. You can still get Covid going out . 
 

The move was a gigantic source of stress and we are still not finished unpacking and finding everything for the house and storing away things properly. My husband is now working most days past 5 when before he was home by 3:30. There is learning where everything is in your new community. 
 

My son and I want to get back to work but need to get the house squared away before we can do that and are anxious about running out of money as have not been working since July 1. 
 

I miss my old house so so so much and my life in my old community and my daycare kiddos and friends. 
 

I have never done well with change. It REALLY REALLY sets off my anxiety and panic disorders. 

[Seraphim]

Something a little disturbing, my husband went for his 2 year eye exam and they found a spot on one of his retinas and his family has early onset blindness. His grandfather went blind just after WW1. He would have been in his 40’s. His aunt went blind in her 70’s. 
 

So it is a little disturbing. He has such gorgeous blue eyes like his father’s. It would be so sad if he couldn’t see out of them. 
 

Tomorrow I pick up my mom and step dad and bring them here for my son’s birthday. 

[Seraphim]

Today my son is 24! Wow! Where did time go!

[SherrySher]

Happy Birthday to your son!!

My boy is now 21. It's somewhat shocking that I can still picture him as a little boy, like it was only a couple years ago and he is now a grown man.

Time sure flies.

[Seraphim]

Thank you. 
Yes, time really does fly !

[luminousone]

Happy Birthday to your son!!!

You have brought him up to be so supportive!

Im sorry your move is so stressful. I think I remember when you moved to your last place, but somehow I think this move is more stressful.

Hope you can get your business going very soon!!