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Life in the Driver’s Seat (extended)


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I am learning to just stop and think and not just immediately offer help when somebody needs it or wants it. I am usually always the one to offer help and not think first. 
 

Today someone put some thing on my wall to see if I could make it for their impending grandbaby. It is a starfish bunting bag. Well I told them first I would plan to see if I could make it see how much the materials will cost and my time. She is a beginner crocheter  and can’t do it herself. And she wants it specifically for her grand baby’s trip home from the hospital. The little one is supposed to be born in five weeks. Well , I have four other projects on the go right now. I also work 12 hours a day and she’s retired and a few years younger than me. She is also just an acquaintance from my former workplace not a good friend or anything. I told her I would price it out and see if I could do it. But I’m taking a couple days to think rather than rushing into it. 

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So all my thoughts on posting out.... I am scared because I have spent, it will be 11 years here this summer and half my son’s life in this one little town and  in this one little house. He has his friends here. But at least he has text and FaceTime and all that stuff to stay in touch with his friends. I didn’t have that when I moved as a teenager or young adult. There was only snail mail. 
 

I am kind of glad to move because I’m kind of done with the community but at the same time I don’t want to leave it I guess because of anxiety. and I’m anxious to go and make new friends not a good anxious either . But my friend here hasn’t been really that good for me she’s mostly out for herself and sometimes plays on my anxieties and then tells me how bad they are. 
 
I am going to miss all my little kiddos and families. 

I just got a new doctor like just over a year ago now I will have to find a new one. He is AWESOME. He listens to me. We went to the same Alma Mater  but obviously not the same program. My dentist understands my anxiety and takes my son even though he’s on disability benefits because he was a patient before he was on disability. So many dentists refuse patients on disability. 
 

I am worried about rebuilding my business or even finding a job as I am older people don’t want to hire you because you don’t have a lot of years left in you and you are not somebody they can push around because it’s not your first rodeo. 

The two places: NDHQ in Ottawa. He would have to wear a dress uniform daily and be stuck in a cubicle working on national projects. There is very little sense of community. My husband‘s Aunt and cousins live up there though which is nice. 
 

The other place he can go to a unit and they have family atmosphere. The base is enclosed. Big cities near by. Close to our parents . More affordable housing . 
 

Ahhhhhhhh.... waiting . 

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2 hours ago, Seraphim said:

I am feeling pretty resentful and angry with his work right now. It is taking up endless endless time. And even when he is not working he is not mentally present . 

I feel you, Seraphim, my husband's going through an intense round of preparing for testing so he's staying a couple of extra hours a day, plus studying when here.  I don't know... I kind of enjoy the excitement in the air when he's doing this, but I can understand your frustration, too.

I'm sure it will get better ❤️  Hugs!!!

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7 minutes ago, maritalbliss86 said:

I feel you, Seraphim, my husband's going through an intense round of preparing for testing so he's staying a couple of extra hours a day, plus studying when here.  I don't know... I kind of enjoy the excitement in the air when he's doing this, but I can understand your frustration, too.

I'm sure it will get better ❤️  Hugs!!!

When he is on course he is just so hard to get Into any other headspace. I am sorry you are dealing with this too . Tomorrow he’s finished the second portion of his course and then on Monday starts the third portion. Then the third portion ends on June 11. 

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