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Life in the Driver’s Seat (extended)


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Finished! 

I was calm about it . I said after you finish working for the day can I have some of your time ? I would like you to see something of interest to me. He said yes and he did, but I could see him gettin

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They don't provide for this or reimburse him?

 

No, it is a specialized dress uniform for official functions like Mess dinners and Military Balls you are on your own for that one. Regular uniforms they will provide you with yes including your regular dress uniform. But as it is a highly expensive uniform they will finance it for you through the CANEX ( our version of American BX) and then you pay for it in installment plans with no interest. Unfortunately ,too there are way more Mess dinners which are costly. And for Military balls and dinners I will be expected to wear full length ballgowns. Officers are expected to show up at these events as they are supposed to have the funds to do so.

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Last night was not a good sleep at all. I woke up twice in a terrified panic. Now in the light of day I don’t remember the contents of the dreams just that they were apocalyptic in nature. The second time I woke up I almost let out a scream but managed to hold it back. I thought about waking my husband up but he had to work this morning so I just breathed through it until I went back to sleep.

 

Phew. 🙁

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When I am anxious and/or having a panic attack I try to search for a root cause. Perhaps you are anxious about your husband returning to work? Or about reopening your business?

 

I can certainly understand both of those things triggering anxiety.

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When I am anxious and/or having a panic attack I try to search for a root cause. Perhaps you are anxious about your husband returning to work? Or about reopening your business?

 

I can certainly understand both of those things triggering anxiety.

I am not so much worried about that. This area only has 2 recovering cases left. Our community transmission is now considered negligible this was put out yesterday.

 

I think I’m more worried about these restrictions being permanent and the mental health damage it is causing to me ,my son and other people and relationships. I can’t have a normal relationship with my mother until this is done.

She won’t allow me close to her for a hug or even anything. And as my mom is dying of a disease slowly over time time is critical. And business is uncertain because school is uncertain for the fall about how that’s going to look so my whole business is in a massive flux right now.

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How was Mass? Were there many people at your church?

I hope you found some comfort there.

 

There were about 30 of us. Every second pew was blocked off. We were told we come to Mass at our own risk. We picked up a friend of mine who comes our same Mass time she has cancer ( A very rare form of leukaemia). Yet again I had another panic attack where I just started pouring sweat and seeing spots in front of my eyes. I am very happy in my own house perfectly fine walking around my own neighbourhood and I’m probably 95% fine in my local grocery store. Those are the only places I don’t dissolve into total panic. I know the answer is to force myself. That’s what I had to do when I had my nervous breakdown eight years ago and developed agoraphobia. At the time the emergency room doctor told me to absolutely force myself to go out because if I don’t I will never leave. I know it’s a very difficult phobia I have a cousin with agoraphobia and she hasn’t left her home in eight years. The only place she goes is her front doorstep to smoke a cigarette.

 

This time though I managed to sit through the panic. But I also had something to concentrate on because my son was panicking at the same time. So I had to be concerned with his mental state before mine. And I couldn’t let on that I was panicking because then he would’ve been worse.

 

On a good note though we do go out for a family walk every single night. It’s helping to keep family spirits up and promotes bond building.

 

My dad‘s having surgery the coming Friday. They need to move his dialysis port to another vein because the current one has collapsed seven times. After his surgery he’s going home to my brother’s place for a bit.

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I like the family walk idea. My son came over and we went for a walk this morning. I don't ask him to come inside my apartment but he drives over and I meet him downstairs. I am hoping to do another solo walk Friday.

 

I'm actually kind of surprised/impressed you were ok going to the shopping mall. I cannot even fathom attempting it.

 

Hope next Sunday attending mass will bring you serenity and peace.

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I like the family walk idea. My son came over and we went for a walk this morning. I don't ask him to come inside my apartment but he drives over and I meet him downstairs. I am hoping to do another solo walk Friday.

 

I'm actually kind of surprised/impressed you were ok going to the shopping mall. I cannot even fathom attempting it.

 

Hope next Sunday attending mass will bring you serenity and peace.

I am glad that you go out with your son for a walk. Exercise helps to build the resiliency. Well, it was my husband that really wanted to go to the mall and he wanted me to come I thought ,why not? Then it was just horrific so I don’t think it’s going to be an experiment repeated very soon. It wasn’t worth going anyway there was barely anything open. And half of what was open you couldn’t touch.

 

I am hoping though I don’t panic next Sunday.

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I totally get that about the panic about places with a group of people. It's good they were practising some distancing.

I'm sorry though that you and your son are experiencing panic attacks. It's no fun.

I just started venturing into some stores again. That's about my comfort level right now. My partner is meeting his dad tomorrow at a restaurant patio for lunch. I was invited, but the thought of eating at a restaurant ( even outside ) stresses me out.

I love the family walk idea.

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I totally get that about the panic about places with a group of people. It's good they were practising some distancing.

I'm sorry though that you and your son are experiencing panic attacks. It's no fun.

I just started venturing into some stores again. That's about my comfort level right now. My partner is meeting his dad tomorrow at a restaurant patio for lunch. I was invited, but the thought of eating at a restaurant ( even outside ) stresses me out.

I love the family walk idea.

 

My husband and I went for a drive in wine country today. Some of the wineries are open some not . There is this patio restaurant we love to go to before we are both back to work full time( I am back full time on the 6th) but I will have to see if I panic or not.

 

Sad state of affairs when we are terrified of all other humans. 😢

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Are you taking your sleep medication? If not, maybe it would be a good idea.

 

I haven’t no, because I have been able to fall asleep now. It didn’t help that a cat was peddipawing my stomach at 5 AM because he wanted me to wake up. My husband’s cat is a very early riser. He wanted to be fed. He is used to my husband being up at 5:20 for work for the last eight years . So Covid has kind of thrown my cats into a loop. But yes I will try my sleep medication tonight.

 

Today my husband wants to visit one of the many local beaches but only if not crowded. If we can’t really do anything with our summer he wants to try and salvage something.

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Bert: A long haired black polydactyl Male (n)feline known as daddy’s cat. He cuddles with daddy under the covers in bed . He runs to daddy when called. Sits on daddy in the recliner. Runs under daddy‘s feet whenever daddy goes anywhere. Totally in love with daddy.

 

Ernie: Short haired black polydactyl Male (n) feline full sibling and litter mate to Bert known as mommy’s cat. He LOOOOOO ES his mommy. Known to always look adoringly at mommy with his head turned like an owl. And if mommy is sitting sitting right beside her so close he’s touching. VERY skitterish around others.

 

Shay: Short haired Cream Tabby Male feline (n) is the grand old man of the family and enjoys everyone. He is known to be very verbose. Loves all people.

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Awww...I have one cat. She is a senior kitty. I say we are the two little old ladies lol. She is a roommate who doesn't pay rent. She doesn't seem to know she's a cat. She sometimes yells at me for her breakfast very early but if I ignore her or tell her to shush she will stop and lay back down.

 

She stays in bed for most of the day. I envy her since I am battling insomnia.

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Awww...I have one cat. She is a senior kitty. I say we are the two little old ladies lol. She is a roommate who doesn't pay rent. She doesn't seem to know she's a cat. She sometimes yells at me for her breakfast very early but if I ignore her or tell her to shush she will stop and lay back down.

 

She stays in bed for most of the day. I envy her since I am battling insomnia.

......

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