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Life in the Driver’s Seat (extended)


Seraphim
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2 hours ago, Jibralta said:

God, that's just dazzling. I think one of my favorite skies is where the storm clouds are heavy and the sun is shining. And a rainbow just makes the whole thing more awesome.

It was so so so incredible in person beyond what is displayed in pictures. I am glad my son and I caught it. The rainbow changed to a double and back to a single and the it faded and then it was back and there was a deep deep vibrant purple. It seemed to form almost at our feet at one point . It was AMAZING. 

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Wow, yesterday was SO SO SO bad for panic attacks. I think I had like 5 over the day and 3 of them were in the middle of the night and woke me from dead sleep pouring sweat and freaking out . I wanted to run around screaming . I doubled my clonazepam this morning . 

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8 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

I hope the meds help and allow you to get some restful sleep.

I think the issue is I have been taking them about 4 days a week instead of the seven days a week I have been doing for years in order to have some on hand “ in case”. I haven’t had a lot of issues with that until yesterday. I met with a newish friend I don’t see often because she is intensely overwhelming. She talks at 100 miles an hour without stopping I was with her for four hours and I literally got to say two sentences and she was like but wait but wait but wait but wait let me tell my story let me tell my story. 😳 Her two dogs were jumping all over me and licking me. They are little lap dogs but still the whole combo was immensely overwhelming. I left there feeling just shattered. My son and I drove all over hells half acre looking for this particular restaurant which in the end was like a shyte show so we didn’t order and we drove the half hour home and in that time my blood sugar had dropped so far I thought I was going to vomit. 

My husband being away when I am in a panicked state really doesn’t help. He got home about 1:30 AM and I didn’t fall asleep until past 2 AM. 

I think it was just too much for my system which is a bit on edge for 2 years. 
 

I did feel much better after about half hour when my meds kicked in . 

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Posted (edited)

I had a fabulous sleep last night . I fell asleep before midnight and woke up after 8. My cats were mental because they wanted to be fed. God forbid the kibble is empty . Looking at these two sausages…. 🙄

 

Edited by Seraphim
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I'm glad you slept well!

My cat used to sit next to her food dish whenever she thought it was mealtime. Even if there was already food in her dish. She wasn't going to eat OLD food lol!

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27 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

I'm glad you slept well!

My cat used to sit next to her food dish whenever she thought it was mealtime. Even if there was already food in her dish. She wasn't going to eat OLD food lol!

Cats, they are so OCD and fussy. 

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My mom is stressing me really bad. ANY situation she texts or calls me. And EVERY DAY has a situation. The other day, 
M : I have a big problem , I have some how changed a contact in my phone to some else. I was trying to add my cousin , B and some how changed my best friends info. 
L: What?! How the hell did you do that ?”

M: “ Do you have time to tell me how to fix it? “

L: “ I am at Walmart hang on.”

I stop in Walmart to send her screen shots of how to fix it.

M: “ I only got one picture.”

L: “ No, you didn’t , scroll the pictures” 

M: “ How do you do that?”

L: Nevermind I will send them as singles. 

A few hours later 

L : Did you fix it?

M: I guess so. 
L:If your friend is getting the texts you fixed it. 
 

Day two

M: I have a big problem are you home ?

L: Yes, what is it. 
M: I got locked out of my banking app for trying the password too many times. It is the wrong one . 
 

L: No, it isn’t I saved the password in your phone .

M: No, you didn’t 

L YES! I DID!! You can’t even operate the thing but you are telling me I didn’t ??😡😡😡😡🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

Drive two hours to her house to SHOW HER AGAIN how to use a THIRD BANKING APP despite writing it down. 
 

Day 3 

My engine light is on

Day four

I have a migraine and I am throwing up. 
 

Day 5 

I am so lonely and crying. 
 

…………

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You have way more patience than I have. My mother would take a pot pie out of the freezer and ask me how to heat it up. I told her "whatever the directions on the box say". She'd say "it says 3 minutes on high. Is that right?" And I would repeat "whatever it says on the box." She'd snap "well, I just wanted to make sure!" And I'd just keep repeating myself. Eventually she realized I wasn't going to leap to do things for her (which was her goal).

She probably thought I was a bad daughter, but I couldn't do anything about what she thought.

Can you tell her to call the bank next time?

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Posted (edited)
19 hours ago, boltnrun said:

You have way more patience than I have. My mother would take a pot pie out of the freezer and ask me how to heat it up. I told her "whatever the directions on the box say". She'd say "it says 3 minutes on high. Is that right?" And I would repeat "whatever it says on the box." She'd snap "well, I just wanted to make sure!" And I'd just keep repeating myself. Eventually she realized I wasn't going to leap to do things for her (which was her goal).

She probably thought I was a bad daughter, but I couldn't do anything about what she thought.

Can you tell her to call the bank next time?

I think my mom is highly stressed and making stress mistakes and very lonely as a recent widow. I think she is drowning in all she has to do to clean up my step dad’s last financial and tax stuff. There is so much BS when someone dies . And Covid is still being used as an excuse as to why no one ever calls back and nothing ever gets done. 
 

Compounding the issue she is mobility disabled and hearing disabled. And the little parts on her hearing aids need to be replaced every two weeks but she can’t get into the Costco because of the mobility disability. She doesn’t have the ability to walk to the Costco from the parking lot even from the disability parking. She’s too disabled to get her walker out of the car to get in the building. So she needs me to take her or somebody else. 
 

I think she’s just really overwhelmed. however she doesn’t make any calls to my sibling who lives in the same city. She doesn’t “ want to bother him. He is busy you know.” Like I am not . 🙄 Truly , I think she’s just more comfortable dragging her daughter around than her son. Plus she knows I will answer and do something my brother will look at his text five days later and by then who cares whatever she needed is long past. My brother only answers or looks at personal texts on Sunday unless it’s his girlfriend or his kids. If you are a client he answers you immediately. But me and my mom not so much. 
 

She is getting to the age where everybody she knew is passing on. She has lost five cousins in the past two years. She still has her sibling thankfully. He would help her but there  again he’s looking after his severely disabled child. Her two best friends are dead. She does have one really good friend who helps her a lot but can’t do everything. 
 

Thing  is I am really overwhelmed at the same time. Three deaths in a year and a half ,the cancer scare for my husband and helping my mother-in-law and helping her and business is slow. Plus stress of the past 2 years and now OUTRAGEOUS prices I am crumbling and just struggling tj stay a float mentally and physically and emotionally. 
 

I love her and I understand she is overwhelmed but she has to find local people to help and not sit and wait for me. She has 10 teenage local grandkids. They could give a hand. 

Edited by Seraphim
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Just to get the measure of how stressed I am. Yesterday as we all know my husband was getting his results. I was a literal mess. My intestines were in total turmoil. Like beyond crazy. I went a million times and thought it would be ok to go out and get the Easter turkey .( how the hell is a turkey that was $29 last year now $40!!!!!) NOPE. I had to run into Harvey’s to go to the bathroom. All they have are those stupid bathrooms you know where you push the button to get out. Totally TERRIFYING for someone with severe claustrophobia. So I have 1 foot in the door trying to go to the bathroom I bashed my head so hard onto the disability rail almost knocked myself silly. Did my grocery shopping had to race back home 1,000,000 miles an hour because well I had to go again. I had 2 more Imodium. 
 

My son HAD to get things in town that wouldn’t be there if I didn’t get there by 4. I had to go AGAIN there. 

I stopped at the gas station and this woman was hassling me I didn’t move immediately after getting my gas because I was reading my husband’s text. I kind of bit her head off.😖🥴 Not cool I realize but wait your damned turn lady. My son almost sunk into the bottom of his seat trying to disappear and called me an enraged Chihuahua. Swung by Walmart so my son could buy Spider Man and rolled home. 

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