Life in the Driver’s Seat (extended)

[Seraphim]

I can’t read or see anything in the news or even in social media about this one topic right now. It actually physically makes me vomit and terrorizes me . 

[Seraphim]

I am so so so enraged right now. I can’t talk about it because it is political but so enraged . 

[boltnrun]

54 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

I am so so so enraged right now. I can’t talk about it because it is political but so enraged . 

I think you can express your thoughts and opinions on your own journal (if you want to and feel comfortable doing so, that is).

[Seraphim]

28 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

I think you can express your thoughts and opinions on your own journal (if you want to and feel comfortable doing so, that is).

I think extensive political talking is a banned topic. But I just spent an hour yelling at my television. 

[Seraphim]

So I got my very first facial today it was awesome and my skin feels so nice . I could tell I was tensing though. My arms were just hugging my body tightly. I had to force myself to relax. But I feel so so good. 

[boltnrun]

I bet your skin is glowing! 

[Seraphim]

14 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

I bet your skin is glowing! 

For sure ! It feels nice and I feel plump and moisturized.  

[Seraphim]

Oh dad , I miss you so much right now . My heart aches to hear you just once more . 

[Seraphim]

Dad, 

I need to tell you I am grieving your loss, it is almost a year since you have been gone. 

I am grieving losing my home and community. I am afraid to go onto my new community and home . I wish I had your support with all this change as you know I hate it . 
 

Love L. ( you know my nickname which you called me my entire life ) 

[Seraphim]

I have a headache this morning from all the emotions yesterday . From throwing away pieces of my life to leaving my home and communities behind . Everything that need to be done. It is all ridiculous. 

I had to take two of my anxiety pills this morning I am a total wreck. 
 

 

[Seraphim]

The cast iron lump in my stomach and feelings of wanting to run around screaming are gone and now I want to fall asleep . The medication is doing it’s job thankfully. 

[Seraphim]

I thought my dad passing away would bring peace to my life but it’s exactly the opposite. It has brought whole new levels of grief on a whole different plane. It will takes years to muddle through. 
 

How does it feel to be the child of an awful person ? A person who did evil purposely and with malice? It is so painful. How do you reconcile that person is also the bearer of your genetics and the person who raised you? I don’t know how to do that ? How do you consider too that they were not all bad or evil and that they themselves suffered horribly? 
 

I have no compatriot in this, save my brother and he doesn’t want to discuss it or deal with it . My mom doesn’t understand as her parents were not horrible people. She was free to love them it’s perfectly good people. 
 

And my big is question of all…. how do you reconcile that you love an awful person? 

[boltnrun]

I wish I could be of help, but I feel so completely opposite that I can't offer any helpful advice. I chose to cut off my deadbeat father the day I turned 18 and haven't seen him since.  I did send a letter to him just after my first child was born and he ignored it so I figured he still didn't care. So neither do I.

I was fortunate to have a close and loving relationship with my uncle. He is the one I consider to have been a father to me. I loved him dearly and was (and still am) distraught when he passed away.

I wish you comfort and peace.

[Jibralta]

49 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

How does it feel to be the child of an awful person ? A person who did evil purposely and with malice? It is so painful. How do you reconcile that person is also the bearer of your genetics and the person who raised you? I don’t know how to do that ? How do you consider too that they were not all bad or evil and that they themselves suffered horribly?

I can relate to an extent because of the chilly/nonexistent reception I've gotten from my biological family. I wonder how these people can be related to me. 

I imagine what you are going through is many times more confusing and hurtful. But I know others have had similar struggles, and maybe some of those people could help talk you through. Have you tried reaching out to groups or forums for survivors of abuse? 

[Seraphim]

9 minutes ago, Jibralta said:

I can relate to an extent because of the chilly/nonexistent reception I've gotten from my biological family. I wonder how these people can be related to me. 

I imagine what you are going through is many times more confusing and hurtful. But I know others have had similar struggles, and maybe some of those people could help talk you through. Have you tried reaching out to groups or forums for survivors of abuse? 

I have been to Women’s support groups and found them to be very uncomfortable. One on one would probably be better. 

[Seraphim]

[Seraphim]

Sunset tonight 

[Seraphim]

Yesterday the pre move inspection by housing went really well . One of the things on the general list they hand everyone for your March out is you have to wash the walls . That is going to kill me. 🤦‍♀️

[Seraphim]

 

[Seraphim]

Yay! My son got his second shot . 

[boltnrun]

1 minute ago, Seraphim said:

Yay! My son got his second shot . 

Good for him!

My city is already putting together a solid plan for booster shots.  I am so fortunate to be living in this city, where the residents are almost 80% fully vaccinated and neighbors care about one another.  I will be there to get my booster shot as soon as they allow me to.

[Seraphim]

29 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Good for him!

My city is already putting together a solid plan for booster shots.  I am so fortunate to be living in this city, where the residents are almost 80% fully vaccinated and neighbors care about one another.  I will be there to get my booster shot as soon as they allow me to.

Here it is only those at most risk first for a third shot. Although about 65% of the country is fully vaccinated now and about 80% partially vaccinated. 

[boltnrun]

57 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

Here it is only those at most risk first for a third shot. Although about 65% of the country is fully vaccinated now and about 80% partially vaccinated. 

I should be able to get my booster in October or November.  My most recent birthday put me in the "senior citizen" category lol!

[Seraphim]

4 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

I should be able to get my booster in October or November.  My most recent birthday put me in the "senior citizen" category lol!

Here vulnerable population means those on chemo or immune compromised. It is not even seniors , yet. 

[boltnrun]

8 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

Here vulnerable population means those on chemo or immune compromised. It is not even seniors , yet. 

They're taking care of the vulnerable population in my city in September.  Then the rest of us.  We are fortunate to have our own health department so they can distribute the shots much more easily.

It may seem strange but here in the US there isn't a national roll out, per se.  Each state and county is doing things their own way.  I feel it's less efficient but with all the people running around screaming about FREEDOM, there's no way the federal government can set up a nationwide distribution plan.

But, the vaccine is readily available to anyone who wants it.

I'm so glad your son is fully vaccinated!  That must be such a relief for you and his dad.