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Caught My Boyfriend Watching Porn While I Was in the Other Room


veryhurt0206
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Last night, my boyfriend (24M) watching porn while I was in the other room doing my hair. He was supposed to be studying for his 2 tests that he had the next day, so I thought it was a perfect time to dye my roots and allow him to focus. I went into the other room to show him my progress, and walked into to him browsing a bunch of porn videos. He quickly closed the tab and acted like nothing was wrong. I asked him what he was watching and he said YouTube videos. I blatantly saw that his screen was filled with naked people. so I walked right back into the other room. I told him that I wanted to be alone for a while because I was extremely hurt.

We have been together for 2 1/2 years, living together for 1 1/2. About a year ago I talked about how I don’t like porn and that I don’t think he should be getting off while looking at other women. If he wouldn’t do it in person, he shouldn’t be doing it on the computer, in my opinion. I don’t look up naked guys to look at, because they don’t interest me in the slightest. I am only interested in my own man. During this conversation he said that it makes sense and he wouldn’t do it again. So I am very hurt that he lied to me and has continued to watch porn. I specifically told him how offensive it is to me to be in a committed relationship but watch other naked women. It doesn’t make sense to me. I have sent him hundreds of nude pictures of myself and we have around 20 intimate videos of us together. If he was so horny why wouldn’t he watch those? And why wouldn’t he want to have sex with ME when I was literally in the other room? You don’t need to be looking at naked strangers to get off.

I was deeply upset last night, and I still am today. He did talk to me about it and apologize, but he says that all guys do it so it’s okay. He wasn’t understanding my point that it’s not okay to look at other women like that! I told him that it is a huge deal to me, and that it is not okay in a relationship. Our sex life is not bad, we have sex 3-5 times a week. So I do not understand why he is turning to porn when I am basically always down for it. When I told him that it is not acceptable and that I would not want to continue a relationship if he continued to watch it, he said that he can’t change who he is. He said that he would rather not be with me than to change his ways. Obviously, I am completely heartbroken to hear that. I am hurt that he would rather look at other women when I am naked basically whenever I am at home. I am hurt that he lied to me. I am hurt that my trust in him has been broken. I already have had trust issues from the way our relationship started, and have gotten way better. But this is a step back for me. The fact that he is doing it in secret when he told me he wouldn’t really hurts.

Am I overreacting? I wouldn’t even think to look at another guy besides him, because he is all I want. My heart hurts that that is not the same for him. Please help.

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Here is a good article that outlines many of the points I would have made: https://www.bustle.com/p/freaked-out-that-your-partner-watches-porn-heres-how-to-handle-it-62267

 

I'll add that males do tend to be more reactive to visual stimuli than females, and that "new" visual stimuli tends to be more exciting than looking at the same thing repeatedly. So don't take the fact that he didn't go find one of your nude photos to use as a sign that he somehow doesn't think you are attractive.

 

It's also pretty true that most guys look at porn. It's very uncommon for a guy not to - even when they are in a relationship. The fact that he initially said he would stop and then didn't shows his immaturity coming and going. He may have thought he really could stop (for many men it gets to be the level of an addiction) or he may have just thought he wouldn't get caught again. And come on, jerking off instead of studying while you're in the other room? The only good part of your story is that he is honest now that he will probably not stop.

 

If you have trust issues outside of the porn that is kind of another issue, although it sounds like they might play a part. Where do those trust issues come from?

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If you are having sex 3-5 times a week, I think your insecurity is unjustified. Masturbation and watching porn fills a different sexual need than having sex with a partner does. In my opinion, as long as the habit does not interfere with one's ability to please their partner, it's totally normal and healthy.

 

Your choice to not watch porn and/or to not masturbate is a personal decision that you get to make about your body. Your boyfriend is entitled to make choices about what he does with his own body. Masturbating may have been a nice way to release some stress and take a short break from studying before getting back into the material without having to worry about someone else's needs. Sex can frankly take some time and feel like work, especially in a long-term relationship.

 

At the end of the day, you need to accept that men will look at other women and sometimes even think about them sexually. It does not mean that your boyfriend doesn't love you or wants these women in real life. Try to understand and accept your boyfriend for as he is or you may push him sway.

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Saluk,

Thank you for your insight. I am still so hurt that he would rather jerk off while looking at other naked women, than have sex with me. Originally, our relationship started as an affair, which is where my trust issues started. Since he was willing to leave a marriage for me, I have been worried that he will find someone better and leave me too. As time has passed, I have had time to grow and be less insecure about that, but it is still a concern for me, just not as pressing as it used to be. I have seen how dedicated he is to me. To find out that he was lying about this, when I told him how important it was for me to not watch it, really makes me confused.

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Hello SGH,

I appreciate your response. I have no problem with masturbation at all! I think it is completely healthy. And you are right, it is nice for when you don’t want to worry about pleasing your partner, since that can be a little more time consuming. But that is why we have made plenty videos and I have sent him a plethora of nudes, so that he can have those for that purpose. The fact that he is pleasing himself while looking at other women is what is deeply conflicting to me.

In a monogamous relationship I don’t see how it’s acceptable to be looking at other people like that? Maybe I am completely wrong here, but it just blows my mind!

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Guys watch porn.

Doesn't mean he wants to be with the girls in the video or that he loves you any less.

You were busy doing your hair and he was procrastinating because honestly sometimes study sucks and any kind of procrastination is a good way to avoid the hard work in front of you for 5 mins (not going to lie, I've done it myself and I am a girl). The fact that he chose to do it at the time you were busy, shows he knows that it would have upset you and was trying NOT to upset you, because honestly its a big ask of you. Yes overreacting.

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You're probably not going to like this at all but I feel like your insecurity is very deep and this is more about control over another person. If I'm understanding you correctly, you want him not to watch it but that's not who he is. He's trying to be what you want but you're not seeing him or accepting what he wants. Have you ventured perhaps asking yourself why you feel so adverse to porn in general?

 

I'm a woman, mind you, and I find it useful and entertaining even. I'm not in the slightest bit offended by it and actually celebrate it in all its hilarity and kink. I've also developed some strong views regarding safe sex and consensual sex but it doesn't mean it inhibits me from viewing different types of porn either. I also think of myself as strongly feminist in my views and absolutely vault autonomy of self in every aspect of my life. I do believe in the strength of choice and that everyone deserves to make their own choices.

 

Obviously no woman in my life has ever spoken openly about porn before with me and I've developed my views and interests here and there on my own. You should try to deconstruct why you feel porn is a threat to your relationship or the way you see yourself in the relationship. You've mentioned several times, indicating that you feel you are competing and failing to compete successfully against it (walking around naked, being sexually available all the time and yet this is happening to you). There is something about porn that automatically revokes your sense of power or autonomy as a person. Why? It's good to ask these difficult questions and you shouldn't feel ashamed or less of a human being. Your concerns are valid but I'd encourage you to unveil or unpack why porn triggers these intense emotions for you.

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Hey Trinity11,

Thanks for taking the time to respond.The only reason I was doing my hair was to give him space to study. He was only studying for about 30 minutes before I came in. I am always down for sex, even just a quickie, so I’m hurt that he would rather turn to porn than to have sex with me when I was literally in the next room! I think it is so offensive that he was looking at other girls while I was in the same room.

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Thanks for not being defensive towards the responses. I know it's tough to hear other's opinions on this subject when you feel strongly the other way.

 

The fact that your relationship started as an affair is very informative and explains why you feel insecure in the relationship. There tends to be an unhealthy amount of possessiveness in relationships that start through cheating, because there is that understanding that they may do it to you as well (and that you will have to go through the same pain that you caused another woman). Fact is, you can't control whether your partner cheats on you any more than you can control his bodily choices. Expecting him to only masturbate to thoughts or images of you is totally unreasonable. Reality is what it is and you will have to decide whether you accept it or not.

 

For the record, though, most men hate arguing about their masturbation habits, and you fighting with him about this topic is not going to decrease the chance he will cheat on you in real life.

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Hey Rose,

I appreciate your in depth response, and that you took the time to read my post. I do not think it is okay to be looking at other women, especially when I am in the room next to him. Porn doesn’t make someone who they are.

I agree, it doesn’t seem like porn is talked about enough.The concept of porn doesn’t bother me. If it is filmed with two consenting individuals, and no one is being exploited I think it is fine! Sex work is real work in my opinion, and I support anyone who chooses to do it. What bothers me is that he wants to look at other women. If you are in a committed relationship with someone, I don’t think you should be checking out other people in real life or on the internet. That is where my problem comes from. With all the responses, I feel very isolated. I don’t understand why he would want to look at other people when he tells me how beautiful I am or how hot my body is. I feel like I’m not enough

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I understand you're hurting, and for that I'm sorry.

 

That said, do I think you're overreacting? Yes, big time. People masturbate to pornography, men and women. It has nothing to do with fidelity or monogamy, and I think that's where you're a little twisted up. In part, at the risk of sounding patronizing, because you're still pretty young, and in part, I think, because of how your relationship started. You seem eager to test his fidelity, to have him be not just faithful but superfaithful to the point where every orgasm, even self-induced, is a celebration of his commitment to you.

 

That is a lot to ask of another human being.

 

If you're having sex with someone 3-5 times a week after being together for 2.5 years—my god! Pop a bottle of champagne, because that right there is rarer than you know and, generally speaking, a sign of a very healthy relationship. Means your dude wants you. Good stuff. You know what else is a good sign of sexual health? Masturbation, be it to a flower blooming in a meadow, a video of your wife or husband, or some streaming fantasy.

 

That said, I can't give you an injection to make you think and feel about this differently in the moment. If this is a hard boundary for you—well, time to walk away and search for a man who fits your mold. Because trying to mold someone into someone they're not—never good. You want to be a girlfriend, not a policewoman, just as he wants to be a boyfriend, not a criminal.

 

If I was a betting man, I would put $10,000 on the idea that, three to six years from now, you won't think about porn in the way you do now. You'll know it's something your man looks at and, who knows, maybe it's something you've gotten into a bit too. Will it be the same man? Probably not, because that's often how these things go, sadly.

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I'm sorry you're feeling isolated. I'm not sure if this helps but I'm married (very happily married and we are very much on the same page with the same views). Yes, I agree more women should come forward and not feel ashamed to voice their opinions on this topic. You shouldn't have to feel antagonized or in pain because of your partner's lack of honesty. If anything, I think he isn't being completely honest with you and he may be afraid to based on how strong your emotions are and how upset you become. This doesn't help a situation that's already teetering on broken trust.

 

I do feel you might do better trying to uncover why you feel this way in this relationship. I have felt before (prior to my marriage in other relationships) very insecure over other things that never should have even been an issue. It was because of so many trust issues that were there to start. I hope your boyfriend is more honest with you going forward. If this isn't a safe space for you to feel like yourself or if you feel like something more than just this is a little off (there are trust issues or other issues), this isn't a healthy relationship.

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Hey SGH,

I greatly appreciate that people are giving me their honest opinions. I am trying to be open minded since that is essential in problem solving! My insecurity was very horrible when we were first together, to the point where I didn’t even like him talking to other girls. I realized that that is incredibly possessive and toxic behavior, and I have learned from my errors, and have been much better since we started living together.

I have worked very hard to accept the fact you mentioned, that if someone is going to cheat, they will, and that’s not something you can control. That has been very freeing to me and I haven’t had much stress about it since accepting that.

 

That is my other problem though, because (TMI warning) whenever I feel the need, I only think of him or watch our videos. Maybe that’s weird, but that’s just me. I know I am expecting to much from him by wanting him to think only of me, so how do I change that?

I know saying “stop watching it or I’m gone” is the wrong route to go, since that will just lead to more secrecy. This isn’t acceptable to me personally though, so I don’t know how else to go about it.

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Hello Rose,

Thank you again for a kind and thoughtful response. You made a very good point that he may have just hid it from me because he’s worried about upsetting me. I do tend to get very emotional and my opinions are very strong, so I see that I should work on being more welcoming and understanding. I also notice that I do get insecure over little things at times, and that is something I need to work on to make him more comfortable as well. Looking back, most of those concerns don’t make any sense. Thank you for giving me your insight and for helping me to realize that I need to look a little deeper into myself and my problems. I do recognize that I have a lot of room for growth. Thank you.

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Hello bluecastle,

I really appreciate you taking the time to respond, and to give me a different perspective. You are right, I shouldn’t expect him to always be thinking about me, but do I have a right to be hurt that he’s looking at other women? That is what pains me.

I am completely fine with masturbation, but not the idea of him pleasing himself while looking at a naked stranger.

It is a big deal to me, and I know I can’t say “stop watching it, or I’m done” because that will just lead to more lies, and I also don’t want to be manipulative or controlling. Like you said, I’m his girlfriend and I don’t want to be someone he’s constantly worried about upsetting.

You’re right, my views can change, but right now it is something that is very upsetting to me and something I don’t agree with. I don’t know how to go about it now.

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It is pretty difficult in modern times to be "completely fine with masturbation" but not "the idea of pleasing himself while looking at a naked stranger". For most men who were 12 in the post internet era, those two things are the same thing. Whether the story is "boy finds porn. boy finds masturbation" or "boy finds masturbation. boy finds porn." those two things tend to follow each other. Your BF is 24. He's been looking at naked women who aren't you. Constantly. For 12 years. Half his life.

 

You said something about only thinking of him when you masturbate. Well, that's how you masturbate. Which is pretty common for woman. This may be a bit reductive (not ALL woman are this way). But what turns you on most is the emotional connection, and the idea of maintaining that emotional connection through sex. (It helps to masturbate if you are turned on, no?)

 

Guys (again, reductive, but at least your BF fits in this mold) aren't as turned on by the emotional side. It's more mechanical. It's more visual. You shouldn't feel like you don't measure up. He's not thinking about actually being with these women - it's total fantasy, for the purposes of getting off.

 

There may be issues with his porn use - porn abuse can be a thing. Most likely though, his use is typical. There may also be issues with your relationship, and your focus on this issue is actually masking those real issues. It also sounds like your insecurities are still there, you have just been finding ways to get around them or to cope.

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Last night, my boyfriend (24M) watching porn while I was in the other room doing my hair. He was supposed to be studying for his 2 tests that he had the next day,

PAUSE.

So not just one test, but TWO on the same day. He’s got high amount of stress, and you blow off on him?

 

Masturbation is a stress relief for some people. And probably one of the main reasons he is looking at a random naked chick rather than you home video collection, is to not associate with relationship ties. In other words, he just doesn’t want to think about anything he can relate with that could trigger his stress levels. He wants a quick instant relief - not to worry about pleasing his girlfriend so he can orgasm.

 

I have sent him hundreds of nude pictures of myself and we have around 20 intimate videos of us together. If he was so horny why wouldn’t he watch those?

Here is a harsh piece of reality that you’re gonna have to realize and learn to let go:

 

You will never fulfill all of your partner’s fantasies. Period.

 

You maybe great at sex, are just damn sexy, and have fantastic intimacy, but each or one of you will has some kinks that may never be matched by your partner. Ever. That is a fact of life, and it is perfectly ok as long as it does not ruin the intimacy of a relationship. For example, my husband likes watching threesomes (I am not a c*k) while I am bisexual and physically attracted to some women. Those needs will never be met by each other, but they don’t take a high priority in satisfying our marriage.

 

I already have had trust issues from the way our relationship started,

So why are you still with him? You cannot change a person. Don’t try to police their masturbation habits because you will instantly lose that battle.

 

Good chat.

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I like Snny's take. But I do want to know a little more about the trust issues - has there been a trend of unfaithfulness or lying in the relationship?

 

I'm going to be very honest: I watch porn. I'm female. This isn't just a male-driven thing.

I'm also incredibly turned on by my husband, have a wonderful, fulfilling sex life with him, and don't find the men in the videos more attractive than him. What i"m usually looking at are the mechanics of it, if that makes sense. It's fun to think about things that would be exciting to me in my sex life with my husband by watching a video or two of a bunch of strangers carrying them out.

 

It's also 100% about me - not him - and in our relationship he is the one who never watches porn. I have since I was pretty young, along with reading erotic stories and letting my imagination go wild. I've never once cheated on a boyfriend I was with or even toyed with the boundaries.

 

That said, if my husband asked me not to watch porn, I would be honest with him if I did. For me, the issue isn't the porn itself. I think you have heard enough responses here to understand that the overwhelming majority do not feel that your boyfriends' porn watching has anything to do with you or your sex life, case closed. Obviously, none of us can speak for him, and none of us can tell you NOT to be hurt or take it personally, but you can see (hopefully) that many people explore their sexuality independent of their partner from time to time without being unfaithful.

 

The issue here is the trust, and the fact that your boyfriend feels like he has to hide it from you/ lie to you. When someone lies about anything it automatically makes it feel a lot more suspicious than if they were to just straight up say "hey, look, I know you don't like that I watch porn but sometimes it helps me feel a lot more relaxed than sex itself does." or something. If he explained it to you that way, would you feel better about it?

 

If not, I would urge you to explore a little bit about what the real problem is. If he explains that he doesn't WANT the other women but it's just a release for him, can you accept that, or is this about something bigger or a fear you have that it will somehow lead to him being with other women? Because I think it's clear that the real problem is feeling like this somehow undermines you and your sex life with him.

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It is interesting that you started out in a non-monogamous situation having and affair and now all of a sudden you believe watching porn is cheating when in fact he was cheating in real life with you. It should be clear to you that one woman will never be enough for him. Feel glad all he is doing is looking...at least for now.

 

The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. This is not about porn or naked. This is about knowing he'll cheat again and it's a matter of when not if.

our relationship started as an affair, which is where my trust issues started.

In a monogamous relationship I don’t see how it’s acceptable to be looking at other people like that?

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I'm pretty sure most people don't watch porn because they find the people on it attractive, at least I don't. It's just an expansion of masturbation, a tool.

 

And also, women watch porn too. But. Women have been shamed about it for decades and only the younger generations of women are more open about it. I do think that maybe that has played a role in your beliefs about porn.

 

Watching porn could only be a problem if it absorbs most of a person's time. I've been with a guy like that, whenever he wasn't working, he was on a porn site, h*ll, he even had it playing in the background. Now that was a problem.

 

As to porn itself, I do have issues though. What worries me is the way they portray women and such, but that's a story for another thread.

 

That said, if it's a deal breaker for you, then it's a deal breaker. I don't think you can change his mind and I don't think it's fair either. If you can't find yourself open to changing your mind about it, then I advise you to leave, and I'm wholeheartedly with you on that.

 

Also, the fact that you were in an affair with him prior to your relationship is definitely helping with your insecurities (I find it mostly unrelated to porn though). Chances are he is going to cheat again. I don't want to be cruel, there is a chance he won't, but I'd believe that only if he had never cheated on his wife before you and in previous relationships.

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Originally, our relationship started as an affair, which is where my trust issues started. Since he was willing to leave a marriage for me, I have been worried that he will find someone better and leave me too.

 

This is, and will likely always be, the crux of any problems with this guy. Targeting the porn is just a diversion. You took a front row seat to witness BF's capacity for disloyalty, and you probably enjoyed your 'win' for about 5 minutes before it occurred to you that you've been promoted from the one who he was disloyal 'with' to the one who he'll eventually be disloyal 'to'.

 

If you want to view the porn as a confirmation of this, then you can do that. But it only exchanges one threat for another, and it sets you up as the relationship police--which is a really unsexy role and will wear you both down over time.

 

You might want to try learning whether BF is invested enough to attend couples counseling with you. I would NOT frame it as a corrective measure about HIS behavior, or he'll just view it as an attempt to bring in reinforcements to gang up against him. That's not exactly enticing, so I'd frame it instead as a way to support ME in overcoming MY insecurities.

 

Personally, I doubt counseling is where I'd want to spend my time and money, because the likelihood of overcoming the dishonest foundation of this thing is slim, on top of the guy rebounding from his marriage straight into a leapfrog with you. That combo plate increases the likelihood that BF will tell you, at some point, what a great person you are, but he really should have taken some time to be on his own as a single--and now he needs to go do that to 'find himself'.

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OP, I totally get where you’re coming from, because I once felt that way too. After having gone through it and moved past it, I have to tell you, you’re making something out of nothing. Hear me out.

 

At the time, I absolutely hated the idea of the guy I was with finding pleasure in other women. Like to the point that I quit watching movies with him because most of them have nudity and it was always females that were nude. He’d always have something to say, even as simple as an “ohh la la” every. single. time. And I despised it. I felt like a crazy girlfriend, but I could not change the way I felt about it.

 

It took a long time, like years, before I was able to look back and understand why I felt that way. That guy did NOTHING to ever make me feel secure. As often as he’d enjoy me or do something that made me happy, he’d also do or say things that made me feel insecure. I never felt loved the way I wanted to feel loved. So because of that, any bit of his pleasure that revolved around a woman who wasn’t me, felt like a huge slap in the face, a big threat. And again, these realizations were all in hindsight.

 

Fast forward several years. Now I’m married to a man who makes me feel so loved and secure. He does so many little things everyday that show me how much he loves me. I know I don’t ever have to be afraid of losing him. Now that I have that kind of security, I’m able to be more adventurous sexually. I like porn. He likes porn. We have watched it together. We’ve wondered if maybe 10 years from now after a decade of sex with one person, maybe we’ll venture into mixing it up a bit. None of it is a threat because I KNOW where his heart is. None of it changes the way we love each other.

 

I bet if you’re honest with yourself, and really think about what kind of marriage you want to be in someday, you’ll find the areas where this relationship falls short. I’m not saying it’s something you guys can’t fix if you really communicate and work on it, but first you have to at least identify where your insecurities are and what things you’re missing that you need to feel loved.

 

Don’t let porn be the hill you die on. Work on the relationship and the rest will fall by the wayside. Or, recognize the things you’re missing, and free yourself to find them with the right man who makes you feel secure.

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So as usual everyone has given great advice. I love the regulars on here

 

Catfeeder and indea in particular have responses that I can resonate with and I will pass that on to you, OP.

 

I was that way with my ex BF. Granted we both had issues. I was controlling and he, as he put it, was "addicted to women." It seemed that all he could think about was porn and he'd leave it around my apartment for my young child to find. And gods help me I tried to fix that relationship. I tried buying him magazines to enjoy, etc. But being much older now and looking back at that relationship, I just smh.

 

As indea indicated in her own post, that ex BF did very little to make me feel secure in my relationship with him. Even though we had been together for 5 years, he told me once - ONE TIME only - that I was beautiful. He wasn't a bad person. He just had more issues and negativity in his personality than I was willing to put up with. We were destined to fail.

 

Now let's talk about you. You're having a healthy amount of sex with your BF, yet he is not helping you feel secure, is he? The whole 'no porn' thing seems to be a non-negotiable topic for you. Now if that's the case - if you can't compromise on this subject - then you're going to have to admit to yourself that this relationship will not work. Take it from me, as someone who was once with a guy who was "addicted to women." You'll overcome this insecurity when you overcome him.

 

When you find someone who has a slightly different view on porn - you'll see the difference.

 

I do disagree with you that a person in a relationship should never view porn. But that's neither here nor there. The crux of the matter is that you and your BF will never truly see eye-to-eye on this, and this seems to be a matter of great importance to you both. Realistically you will have to either lose the idea of 'no porn,' or him. I vote for the latter.

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Guys masturbate to porn. That's just how they do it, especially in this day and age where it's so readily available. It has nothing to do with how they feel about anyone else. Perhaps you could liken it to a woman's vibrator. It's just what she uses. But it's a severed penis in a drawer, not their boyfriend's. ;) It's not right or wrong, but it's something that some people have a need to do. Whether or not he respects your feelings on it is something else. Maybe the two of you can reach a compromise. If he is being honest with you that he won't stop, then maybe the two of you can agree that he only does that when you're not around. But he told you he won't stop and if it's something you can't accept then you should assess whether or not you should continue taking the relationship seriously based on whether or not he can respect your feelings about it. It's never worth compromising on something that you know you won't be able to live with. Your views on the subject have every bit as much of merit and value as his do. He was honest with you about where he stands and you should do the same. If you don't trust him, that's a much more fundamental issue. It's what lies at the foundation of a good relationship. If you lose that, there's really nothing else of value to compromise about. This is what you should be really honest with yourself about. We all deserve to have a love based in honor. Anyone who doesn't honor you or you don't find honorable is not the one you deserve.

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Hello SGH,

I appreciate your response. I have no problem with masturbation at all! I think it is completely healthy. And you are right, it is nice for when you don’t want to worry about pleasing your partner, since that can be a little more time consuming. But that is why we have made plenty videos and I have sent him a plethora of nudes, so that he can have those for that purpose. The fact that he is pleasing himself while looking at other women is what is deeply conflicting to me.

In a monogamous relationship I don’t see how it’s acceptable to be looking at other people like that? Maybe I am completely wrong here, but it just blows my mind!

 

Would you want to watch the same movie or TV show over and over hundreds of times? Now apply that same logic to watching porn. Guys are visual. What I look at directly determines if I'm horny or not. Regardless of how attractive you are he's gonna want to look at something different when he's taking care of business by himself... That's just the way it is. Very prudish of you in my opinion for you to expect otherwise.

 

So long as it isn't replacing your sex life or his ability to function in your relationship I think you're overreacting. Think if it this way. What if he told you that when you masturbate you can only think of him. Ever. Would you think that's ok?

 

Now replace what you think/ fantasize about with what he's looking at.... It's the same thing.

 

As long as he isn't interacting with another real life female let it slide. Ie no webcams, phone sex, sexting etc.

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