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Date question


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Hey everyone,

Went in a date last night, lasted 4 hours. Lots of laughing and getting to know each other.

Though towards the end she was telling me how dating is gonna be for me in the city (i just moved here). I found that a bit weird..as if she'd already made up her mind, but that she's just being friendly and continuing the date.

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I didn't really. I looked at her confused and responded to something else she stated after


Please learn to roll w these types of comments., not tak them so personally or read too much into.


Maybe toss something back, equally snarky - it's callled banter and can be good fun.


It was only one date and even if she wants to continue dating you she probably assumed you'd be dating others as well, at least for a little while.


So she tossed it out there.


Have you asked her out again?

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Please learn to roll w these types of comments., not taken them so personally or read too much into.


Maybe toss something back, equally snarky - it's callled banter and can be good fun.


This didnt even cross my mind! What would you have said (to jog my imagination). "Oh yeah, I've heard about that, can't wait"?

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I dunno, maybe say in a playful tone, "oh yeah, mind elaborating? Any tips?"


Play with her about it a bit.


Either that, or in one ear and out the other, but my guess it was her attempt to gauge whether you are a man who multi-dates or a "one at a time" dater.


Personally I don't care for shyt tests, got something to say, say it direct.


So my response is to toss something back and make it playful.

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I wouldn't type back and forth. Just ask her out. I would have done what she did if I wasn't that interested. But just ask and see what she says. Of course be straight about wanting to see her again -what's the point of dating if you don't make plans to see each other in person?

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I went on many online dates before meeting my husband and I've got to say the idle nonsense about "how's dating life treating you" or anything along those lines really put me off. Different strokes for different folks. I know it meant no harm but I would really nestle down as if on a pillow and my brain would move elsewhere - that person's shoes, their hair, the food or the drinks. I didn't care about what they thought of their previous dates, whom they met up with last or what the city had to offer.


Most people are just trying to get a feel of how they're measuring up during the date and how they compare to others you've met. When I met my husband there were some very obvious things we already knew about each other but we didn't go there, so to speak. It was quick and funny banter about anything and everything but it certainly wasn't an evaluation of how we were doing in the dating life. Obviously it spoke for itself as we were there on a first date with each other. And his demeanor, respect towards me, thoughtfulness from the first hour we spoke on the phone through the entire date spoke volumes about the type of man he is. He just couldn't care less about how my dating life was up to then because he was a man more focused on being with me in that moment. That's the key behaviour I was looking for. The way he thought was demonstrative in his actions and words and I didn't need to hear him describe what dating life was like for him. I already knew how he treated women (or people) in general by the way he treated me. I wasn't wrong.


If your instincts are telling you your date is not for you and you're incompatible, don't shy away from it. Just smile, be cordial and don't agree to meeting with them again or leading anyone on. You're entitled to your likes and dislikes. I was never really verbal about not liking the above kinds of comments but I also didn't respond much at all to them after that. Meet more people like you and don't be afraid to develop your own thoughts and likes and dislikes. There's no reason to be mean or nasty either. Good luck.

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Me and my current girlfriend talked about what online dating is like on our first and second dates. By the second date it was already like... "remember when we were trying to date other people online and how terrible it was?"

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One thing online dating has done for me is cause me to lose faith in people. They're into you one minute then a couple days later they've swiped the next best thing and moved on.


Like now, she said yes but had friends visiting for the weekend. We carried on the convo a few more days but eventually gave it a rest. I reached out yesterday but nothing yet.


I was super excited a few days ago and showed my friend her picture only to notice she updated her profile pictures.


Am I being insecure and impatient? Yes.

Am I assuming the worst and she's been chatting up someone else she fancies more? Yes.


Do I have faith I'll get a straight answer instead of a ghost or fade away? Eh.

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One thing online dating has done for me is cause me to lose faith in people. They're into you one minute then a couple days later they've swiped the next best thing and moved on.


Maybe you can change your perspective a bit?


I mean, according to the above calculus the way for online dating to affirm, rather than destroy, your faith in people would be for them all to be super into you for...well, for how long? A week? A month? Forever? Or until you've had enough time to decide whether or not you're super into them?


Kind of selfish, if you think about it. You're essentially saying you're losing faith in people—which really means women—because they're not totally into you after one date. Someone else—a woman, say—could see that and lose some faith in people. Or at least men.


The people on the apps are strangers: they owe you nothing, you owe them nothing. So to even try use them as a barometer for "people" is, well, a bit like trying to read the outside temperature outside with a magnifying glass. Wrong tool for the job. A recipe for frustration.


If I had to guess how many people I matched with on a dating app over the past year I'd place that number at around 200. Most of those matches lead to...nothing. Not a text from me, not a text from them. The ones where there was some texting? Most fizzled out quick, never made it to 3D. I ignored some people, some people ignored me. How many did I meet up with? Let's say 25. Most of those fizzled out quick too: one date. Sometimes I initiated the fizzling, sometimes they did. The latter was of course more frustrating—but it's just a little ding to the ego, nothing more.


Can it all get lame and exhausting? Big time. It is lame and exhausting—and if you can make that the beginning and end of your expectations in the early stages it can also be, like other lame things, really fun. When the fun factor gives way to the ick factor, that's when you take a break.


But whether swiping or taking a respite from swiping, gauge your faith in people elsewhere—in the people you actually know and care about, and who know you and care about you back. Friends, family. Good stuff right there. Real stuff. Not "Sarah, 26" and "Suzie, 31." Those are just projection screens for your fantasies, nothing to get invested in until you have spent some real time getting to know them—as people.

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Is it cool to follow up with her closer to the weekend to see if she's still interested?


Sure. But just wait a day or two and see if she gets back to you.


Correct me if I'm wrong, but you hung out a week ago? This weekend she has friends in town—that happens. In your shoes I wouldn't "carry on the convo for a few more days," but would simply say, "Cool—how's the week after for you? My schedule is wide open and I look forward to seeing you again."


That's just me, but I think it works. I don't want to "carry on the convo" over texting, because I think that's passive bs. It's not who I am—not the way I want a relationship to feel if it gets there, so it's not a foundation I entertain early.


You seem super quick to assume the worst—to kind of back down at the slightest record scratch. She doesn't respond for less than a day, and you're jumping to the worst case scenarios. But even those scenarios—that she's ghosting after a date because some Ken Doll on the app put some new wind behind her said—aren't even that bad.


When you can see it like that, it's all gravy, especially at this stage.


Obviously, I can't read your messages after she told you she had friends in town, but did you make it clear you'd like to see her? Did you offer a plan? Or did you drift into small talk over text?

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