AnonymousSloth Posted June 24, 2019 Share Posted June 24, 2019 Hello all - First post in quite some time - and as always your feedback is appreciated. I'm in a 4+ year relationship. Blended family (she has one child, I have three). Living together. I'm 43, she's 38. We've had our up and downs over the years. We finally took the step of going to couples counseling and that has worked well. We all have our issues, so I won't go into the past so much as focus on the current situation. Our relationship reached new heights over the last 6 months. I recently went to Europe for two weeks (work, solo) - and during my time there I started to think about things as deep as marriage in the next year or so. Since returning from Europe, things haven't been good. It started with her not asking about the details of my trip etc - just a general lack of curiosity. Fair enough, I owned the situation and just launched into my stories as I was excited to tell my partner. While I was gone, she did exactly what I hoped she would - reconnect with friends and just be social and active. However, I've been back for 5 weeks now - and that hasn't changed. Literally every single thing she has done has been for herself - with her friends. Sometimes I get invited - other times I'm definitely feeling like an afterthought. I clearly communicated, within the first week of being home, that I was longing for some time with her to "reconnect". Undivided attention. A date. "Us" time. Finally, after probably 10 times of being very specific about this need - she caved and set aside a single day for me this upcoming weekend. It just feels like there's *always* something else going on, getting in the way of spending solid, quality time with *just* me. We've always had what I think is a good balance in our lives - hobbies, friends, etc. But over the last month, it is HEAVILY tilted to her needs being met above those of the relationship. I'm at a loss. I feel unprioritized. I feel alone within the relationship. Given I've so clearly communicated a reasonable, easy to meet need and she willingly continues down the same path, I'm seeing few options. Sure, I'll bring it up at therapy - but that begs the question: Does she really need our therapist to tell her what I've already spoken? She's reverted back to her "old" ways - not really telling me what's going on, saying "I'm going to lunch with a friend" and then texting me updates "I'm going to do this now and then I'm going to x, y, z while me and the kids are reasonably thinking we'll be having dinner together? She doesn't show up, doesn't ask about dinner etc? From experience, it seems like any time we have a number of days apart (7+ days or so), she seems to go into a mode that is "this is what life was like when I was single". I'm not asking for much of her time here. I've expressed my feelings calmly, so many times on this one issue! Thanks for any input you have. Link to comment
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.