Jump to content

One Month NC...


Recommended Posts

Hi guys...I haven’t posted a thread in a while...but I’m posting this thread just as a way to vent while I navigate through a NC period in my relationship. I’m going to try my best to get some things in order in the next few weeks...and posting sometimes helps me keep my sanity. My goal is to focus on myself for the next month.


Things I want to accomplish...

Get back into the gym. I’ve literally not worked out in months. For me that’s a LONG time. So starting Monday it’s on! I’m making that commitment to myself right now.


I’ve kind of lost myself in this situation in the last two years,and I really need to emerge and reset myself and where I want to go. I am also really unhappy at my current job and am seriously considering leaving. All of this is negatively affecting my thinking...this has unfortunately caused a few issues in my relationship and I feel like A lot of it is my fault. I’m seriously just very depressed about things and that is so unlike me.


So...tonight I just want to say I’m sad. I’ve made some plans for tomorrow . I’m off but I really don’t feel like doing much. I’m really hurting over this dilemma and my instinct is to just lay low...😢

If anyone else is struggling post here....I like the company..😊

Link to comment

Hang in there. Try to enjoy the little things in the meantime and don't rush yourself to figure things out. It'll come to you eventually. I've felt that feeling before where things feel too shaky and unpredictable to make any moves and the instinctive desire is only to hide away and process. Something I wish someone said to me when I was feeling down: You don't need to feel less than or like you're less of a person just because you're processing something. When you take a time out to reflect, you're honouring you and returning that respect back onto yourself. We all need time every now and then especially when things aren't going well.


I think society has burdened us with the idea that quickness and efficiency is everything when really it's patience and understanding that does the trick. Just a passing, open-ended thought in case someone else has any other thoughts to add.

Link to comment

I’m still awake.. I composed and sent an email to my bf. obviously he hasn’t seen it yet but I’m already wondering if he’ll even respond to it . It’s basically telling him that I really want to work on myself and that maybe this is for the best. I know if he doesn’t respond I’ll be hurt.., but I’ll just have to deal with it. ..and I will officially start NC ... this hurts so much 😢

Link to comment

I really would like to understand why it takes a break up as a catalyst to want to get your crap together . Right now I’m planning the next month so I’ll be busy and Hopefully accomplish some things:::Things that honestly I should’ve been doing all along but for some reason I don’t feel as motivated as I do when my heart is broken I think that that’s normal right?

Today is my first day.. I am journaling and planning some things down the road. My bf answered my email very abruptly and coldly.. so I didn’t respond. It’s almost like he’s a completely different person right now . It hurts. I think he wants to be done with me But he’s just too afraid to actually say it . He also did not say he doesn’t want contact but I think for the time being some space is necessary .


This is day one officially


Edit: I just deleted him off my social media so he can’t keep tabs on me

Link to comment
Sorry this is happening. Why did you guys break up?


We are arguing about dumb things and I have had an issue with drinking a lot... so I really want to try to give that up and see if it makes a big difference . I’m not proud of it but it is a coping mechanism that I have developed over the years and now I am paying the price 😔

Link to comment

Yes...we are on a “ break” but I’m assuming the worst and treating it as abreak up . I’ve been through enough break ups to have learned that a soon as someone acts as though they won out Or pulling away etc. to let them go completely . In the past I would do no contact as a way to manipulate the person but now I’m truly doing it for myself ...

Link to comment

Sorry you're hurting, friend.


I think the reason breakups are such powerful catalysts for change is because of what triggers them: a relationship that did not function, which is to say a large part of your life was invested in something that was not functional. Whatever the cause of the breakup—be it mutual, sudden, gut-wrenchingly dramatic or respectfully melancholic—the reason is always the same: the relationship did not work, did not serve either party as they needed.


No one wants to admit that. It's humbling—and, at first, somewhat humiliating, humiliation being a feeling we create to avoid humility. It means letting go, drifting into a void and living, for a time, alongside a void. I believe people hold onto relationships past their expiration date largely out of fear, almost as if we know, on some cellular level, that if it were to end we will need to look in the mirror under the bright lights and stare at the parts of ourselves we've been avoiding, the places where we were more frozen than growing. Heck, being a bit cynical, I think the phrase "relationships take work" is often used to apply a sheen of nobility to the act of forcing a square peg into a round hole in order to avoid really looking in the mirror and growing.


When the "glue" that binds is essentially a mutual fear of growing—well, that glue eventually looses its stickiness and, when it does, we really have no choice but to grow. Or, in your terms: get our crap together.


And you know what? There's beauty in that, for all the hurt and uncertainty. I wouldn't be who I am today without some serious lashings to the heart and tumbles into voids. Some of the ripest, most potent times in my life have been connecting with a new person and healing from the loss of a person. It's taken me more than a few trips to the heartache fair to shift my values a bit, to make some adjustments so that what I get at the beginning and end of a relationship can be what is nurtured—slowly, warmly, rather than in the mania of love or love lost—in the middle, together, alongside another. Maybe this is a moment—a hard one, I know—that shifts your compass a bit.


Deep breaths right now. And big hugs. You don't need to figure it all out in the next five minutes. Sitting still, being compassionate with oneself—those are skills just as vital as what we get on the treadmill, at a job, the deep core stuff where the abs meet the spirit.

Link to comment

I'm sorry you're going through this, JA0371.


Have you tried attending AA meetings? You have to start somewhere with taking care of your drinking problem.


Going to the gym is all well and good but if the drinking issue isn't addressed regularly, working out will not make the drinking problem go away on its own.


Regarding your job, perhaps search for a new job, secure the new job and then give your notice to leave your current job which you're unhappy with. Or, just search and make your plans for your future employment.


I understand you're hurting. I too have been in situations where relationships went awry (not boyfriend in my case; it was extended family members / in-law situations) and it wasn't all in vain. It is very humbling to learn from one's past mistakes.


Although it's difficult for you to see this now, negative experiences cause you to become wiser today and in your future. You'll learn human psychology, dynamics, interpersonal skills and you become better adept at navigating yourself intelligently. You're no longer naive. You learn about people, their foibles and your radar is up.


Also, relationships end for a reason. Many times there are personality and character flaws which are incurable. No amount of will can force it to change for the better for two people. There's a complete lack of empathy, low or non-existent emotional intelligence (EQ) and it's doomed for failure sooner or later.


Chin up. Take baby steps. Take good care of your health. It's great that you'll start working out but also address the drinking so there is no conflict between trying to get healthy at the gym and your life outside the gym. Think about this.

Link to comment

NC is and always should be indefinite. Not a month.


Who suggested a “break” and why? Why not a break up?

If things aren’t working , couples work with each other to get things back on track not take a break.

Things don’t get fixed by themselves.

To me that sounds like a lame way of not having to actually have that break up talk.

But with distance and time apart it eases the tough job of the dumper.

It’s a cowards way out essentially.


And what were the terms and conditions btw?

It sounds like you broke them on day one???

You created a thread about NC but within hours contacted him?

And his reply was that he wants no contact??


Can you clarify who decided on the break?

Link to comment

We both decided on the break...he did respond to my email and I didn’t answer because a response wasn’t warranted.

Anyway..I’m a little sharper in my thinking because I was sleep deprived when I created this thread...so sorry if I’m kind of all over the place.


I’m pretty certain this will be a “break up”...and yes I do intend on doing it as a way to heal. I also made this thread so anyone else doing NC would be able to share and relate...and just be able to vent if need be. I have no issue with sharing my thread for that.


Today I’m awake early again.. my sleep pattern is way out of whack and it’s really driving me crazy . Anyone else have this issue ? Waking up at 3 am and staring at the ceiling ? Ugh..,I’m hoping this gets better. 😩

Link to comment



Thank you😊


I am taking the issue of drinking very seriously....I know fitness helps but I know it’s not going to work if I continue on this path. I am actually looking up meeting locations I can attend... that’s on my to do list this week!!

I will definitely post about that.

Link to comment
Anyone else have this issue ? Waking up at 3 am and staring at the ceiling ?
You are not alone :) For different reasons but waking up at 3 am and staring at the ceiling it's a habit of mine lately lol


Hope you are doing better today. Keep working out, it definitely helps :)

Link to comment

Sorry to hear that you're going through a rough patch. :( It's tough but it's temporary, even though it doesn't feel too great.


It's good to hear that you're focusing on exercising and fixing the drinking issue. Very commendable of you! I love hearing how people know whats wrong and take action.


You sound like you're on the right track.


A loss is still a loss and it will take time to mourn, to re-adjust, to heal. Be gentle with yourself.

Link to comment
Today I’m awake early again.. my sleep pattern is way out of whack and it’s really driving me crazy . Anyone else have this issue ? Waking up at 3 am and staring at the ceiling ?




Or, well, maybe not all the time, but always when I'm emotionally thrown—by work, by love.


For whatever it's worth, I've learned to not judge it. To just think of it as where I'm supposed to be—my body refusing to sleep so I can feel something, think about something, or obsess about something that needs to be felt, turned over in my mind.


By thinking of it along those lines, rather than making lack of sleep yet another thing to panic about, something funny happened: I found myself sleeping better, and falling back asleep faster during those dark-night-of-the-soul interludes.

Link to comment

Almost the end of day two...and I’m actually struggling more than I thought I would. It’s been a busy day, but I guess it’s really hitting me for some reason. Part of me is really sad but part of me is kind of angry. I’ve been watching YouTube videos on breakups, which helps somewhat...I just wish I could speed up this process. I know it takes as long as it takes.i guess I can only stay busy for so long. It’s the downtime that gets me. Anyone else?

One positive is that I don’t have the urge to contact him. Not yet. I have quite a stubborn streak that comes in handy sometimes...😁

Link to comment

The best part about this is that you are taking care of yourself! You have recognized the need and are addressing that issue.


Lately, I've had trouble with my one of my dearest friends and the choices that she makes. She flat out told me that she used our friendship as a means to get close to a man whom I was friends with. But then she says that she loves me and I'm her best friend. For a few months, it has been a roller coaster of a friendship. Last night I told her that I was going to step back and give her the space that she needs to figure things out. And I need space too! Our friendship has been codependent and that is not healthy. She will always be my dear friend. But I have to do what is best for me and let her do what is best for her.


Who knows if you will get back together with this guy? You might, but you won't have a successful relationship if you are not your best version of you.


You will get back to the things that you love and make you happy! One foot in front of the other...

Link to comment


This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

  • Create New...