He is not that into me. Delete him from social media?

[Capricorn3]

He replied almost straight away when I messaged him first.. Well, it’s his bday tomorrow and I’m not going to wish him a happy birthday. That’s for sure.

Wow, talk about shooting yourself in your foot. You don't think this is immature and petty?

[Caty]

 

Are you always this negative OP?

 

Serious question.

 

I’ve been disappointed so many times in life, so instead of thinking positively and get disappointed, I protect myself from being disappointed. I’m obviously very insecure about myself, especially when it comes to my looks. I feel that when I text a guy, they’ll think that I’m conceited because I think he’s interested in me. I’m also thinking that why should he be interested in me when there so many other women who are beautiful, have a stable good job and so on.

[katrina1980]

No one is suggesting that you send him another text. Where did you get that?

 

In fact, if you read my last post, I advised you to now wait for him to send the next text.

 

I am not sure why you keep "clinging" to the notion that you were clingy.

 

It was one poster who said that, everyone else is advising you to chill, it all sounds very cool and positive. Again, it's been ONE day since your date. Slow the roll.

 

Relax, go on your vacations, and see how it plays out when you both get back.

 

Are you always this negative OP?

 

Serious question.

 

To add, often times such negativity is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

 

Meaning, the negativity itself will actually cause to happen what you're anticipating will happen -- that being, he's not into you and doesn't wish to go out with you again.

 

It can become a vicious cycle, each disappointment causing you to plummet even deeper into your negativity.

 

On the other hand, if you remain happy, positive and chill, he will be drawn to that positivity (most men are), which may very well result in his interest in you increasing!

 

Negative attitude, negative energy = negative result.

 

Positive mindset, positive energy = positive results!!

[katrina1980]

I’ve been disappointed so many times in life, so instead of thinking positively and get disappointed, I protect myself from being disappointed. I’m obviously very insecure about myself, especially when it comes to my looks. I feel that when I text a guy, they’ll think that I’m conceited because I think he’s interested in me. I’m also thinking that why should he be interested in me when there so many other women who are beautiful, have a stable good job and so on.

 

This is one time where I would strongly suggest therapy Caty.

 

Best of luck.

[boltnrun]

Listen to "Owner of a lonely heart" by the band Yes.

 

You're doing the old preemptive strike method, which is a great way to make sure no one ever gets close to you again.

 

Is that what you want?

[Annia]

He replied almost straight away when I messaged him first.. Well, it’s his bday tomorrow and I’m not going to wish him a happy birthday. That’s for sure.

 

How old are you? (just trying to understand where this thought process comes from)

[Annia]

I’ve been disappointed so many times in life, so instead of thinking positively and get disappointed, I protect myself from being disappointed. I’m obviously very insecure about myself, especially when it comes to my looks. I feel that when I text a guy, they’ll think that I’m conceited because I think he’s interested in me. I’m also thinking that why should he be interested in me when there so many other women who are beautiful, have a stable good job and so on.

 

Look, I've been disappointed a lot, but having a good healthy dating life and finding a fulfilling partnership isn't usually compatible with being extremely insecure and being so negative. Dating is about relaxing and having fun, it's not a tactical game nor shouldn't be a trigger to our insecurities. If your self esteem is getting in the way, tackling that would do wonders to your dating life and life in general. Good people usually come when you're good to yourself (not trying to be cliche, but it's true)

[katrina1980]

Well, it’s his bday tomorrow and I’m not going to wish him a happy birthday. That’s for sure.

 

Caty, I think you're scared and preemptively pushing him away before he gets a chance to hurt you.

 

Not that he even would, but this is your current mindset, so I seriously have to wonder why it is you're choosing to date right now.

 

The expectation that he should lock you down for another date within 24 hours of your last one or he's not into you, is completely unrealistic and frankly rather insane imo.

 

No man could live up to that.

 

I also sense a bit of anger in your above post, why are you mad at him?

 

Even assuming he's not into you, is that any reason to be mad at him?

 

You had one date.

[SherrySher]

Caty, I mean this is the most respectful way, but you sound very anxious, very vulnerable and I don't think you're in a good place for dating right now.

[Rose Mosse]

I seemed to have caused some confusion with my earlier comment. Sorry for that. Try not to worry so much. Don't let the whole dating thing throw you off. It shouldn't be so arduous and slowly you'll get the hang of it. If you don't like someone, move on to the next one. Brush yourself off and don't take it so badly either. There are all kinds out there. There's nothing anywhere that says you have to hang on to all hope for a second date if you yourself aren't feeling it. I hope you feel better soon.

[MissCanuck]

OP, you are very defensive. Both here and in your response to this guy.

 

Unless you take a deep breath and chill, and stop interpreting everything as a personal swipe at you, you are going to find dating very difficult and unfulfilling.

[Wiseman2]

You know him for a total of....a few hours? He has and had an entire life before you. This is not a relationship after one date. You should be busy meeting others until things progress and you have the exclusive talk with someone.Avoid TMI and adding strangers to your social media as if they are friends/bfs.

He replied almost straight away when I messaged him first.. Well, it’s his bday tomorrow and I’m not going to wish him a happy birthday. That’s for sure.

[kim42]

Hi Caty, I don’t see why you should delete him, as others have said, you only had one date, relax a little and just wait to see what happens. Don’t over think it, don’t over analyze his text messages, if he likes you, he’ll ask you out on a second date. If not, it’s not the end of the world. And by the way, wishing someone a happy birthday is not clingy.

[Billie28]

“The question is should I delete him from Snapchat? I added him before meeting him. I don’t see any point of having him on Snapchat now when he never sends any pictures (at least not to me) and we are never going to meet again. ”

 

YOU added a guy on Snapchat before ever meeting him??? Why??

And why do you want a random guy send you pictures???

 

Sorry but YOUR behaviour screams lack of self esteem.

Worry about that before worrying about him.

[Boo1986]

Don’t delete him on anything yet or you’ll always wonder “what if” and will just end up blaming yourself. There is nothing embarrassing about texting someone first, it’s nice to be liked and I’m sure it put a smile on his face. I can see where you are coming from as the others said your trying to get in first and reject him then if he doesn’t contact you again you can think it’s probably because you deleted him and not feel as hurt, but you’ll only end up disappointed in other ways.

[Honeycomb8]

^ it gives him an ego boost. Clearly this guy isn't particularly interested otherwise his response to her comment would t just be an emoji.

 

Don't delete but also don't contact him again.

[Caty]

So I text him happy bday. He replied with a thank you under a minute or so. Now I'm just going to leave him be.

[figureitout23]

^ it gives him an ego boost. Clearly this guy isn't particularly interested otherwise his response to her comment would t just be an emoji.

 

Don't delete but also don't contact him again.

 

I agree with this very much.

 

I don’t think either extreme is reality not the OP and not the responders.

 

Look I’m not gonna lie any time I’ve had a successful first date and the guy wanted to take me out on a second date he secured that second date on our first date. We may not of had a definite time and place but there was no emoji’s. Honestly, the only time I had a successful first date and the man didnt at least attempt to secure a second date he asked me out for breakfast the next morning, lol ( it was a dinner date) Men who weren’t interested either dropped off the map or did a bit of a slow fade. So the way I see it until he secures that second date this isnt a slam dunk.

 

But with that being said OP it’s also not a guaranteed failure you have to give things a chance to happen. Your anxiety is off the charts. Would the emoji thing after I blatantly asked for a second date kind of throw me off center? I’m not gonna lie it might have, But there’s no need to throw the baby out with the bathwater, Continue to date or better yet take a break and work on your self-esteem and if he contacts you great, if he doesn't, you’ll always have the memories of a great first date. It stings a little, always does, rejections not fun, but try to remember if you remember only one thing, it’s not personal, you just weren’t their person and that’s ok! With online dating, I guarantee you’ve rejected people, is t ever more than a fleeting thought? Of course not, it’s life and it’s ok, getting on more solid ground emotionally will help you.

[PuffyParakee]

So I text him happy bday. He replied with a thank you under a minute or so. Now I'm just going to leave him be.

Just a "Thank You". That's all. I felt it was in great taste to send him a Happy Birthday, but his response of just "Thank You." tells you all you need to know. This guy is either more dull than a ceiling or he just did not feel great chemistry on the date.

Leave it at that, if I were you, I would not initiate contact again.

Just remember, you was only on one date with this guy, there's more fish in the sea.

[SherrySher]

I agree, it was good of you to wish him a happy birthday. If he only replied with a 'thank you'..that's fairly lame.

 

I wouldn't contact him again.

[Caty]

He wrote thank you with a smiley face.. Honestly I am kind of disappointed because I thought at least he say it straight out that he is not interested and not sending a mixed signals. He was the one who was preaching about not playing games and so on.

[bluecastle]

Here's my generous read on this situation.

 

You two did not meet at the most ideal of times for the way you each handle the reality of the circumstances. You have a great date—and that's great!—but then it's his birthday, a jumbled time for most people, then you're leaving, then he's leaving. For three weeks.

 

So the best case scenario here, really, is what? That you see each other one or two more times before he's gone for a month? And you water that connection in space through snaps and texts and selfies, building up an inflated fantasy of a connection that makes it hard for both of you to be present in the wilds of IRL, hoping that when you next meet—for what is actually just the third date—it feels like someone you've been dating for over a month?

 

Not the greatest, basically. What I get from him is he's just slowing the roll on things, but in a kind of dumb, young dude way where emojis stand-in for being more straightforward. You, meanwhile, are eager to speed the roll to smooth over your insecurities about dating in general and the circumstances here in particular—wanting, in ways, to get things a bit more "locked in" before the inevitable near-month of space arrives.

 

Bummer, all that. But also? It's life. Not your fault, not his, but just a slight clash in the way you each deal with a situation that requires even more chill than usual, since the hard fact (past the emojis and so on) is that you guys can't really date, even if you wanted to, for another month. That is the one constant here that cannot be changed.

[goddess]

I agree with everyone else: chill out, for crying out loud. Stop putting so much stock into it. That was nice that you wished him a happy birthday. Leave it that. Try to relax, and perhaps when you get back from your vacation, you will think more clearly. Will he contact you? Who knows? If not, it's not the end of the world. Who knows what going on in his head? I don't mean to be disrespectful but, please, get a grip on yourself. You're acting like a teen. (sorry)

[Caty]

I agree with everyone else: chill out, for crying out loud. Stop putting so much stock into it. That was nice that you wished him a happy birthday. Leave it that. Try to relax, and perhaps when you get back from your vacation, you will think more clearly. Will he contact you? Who knows? If not, it's not the end of the world. Who knows what going on in his head? I don't mean to be disrespectful but, please, get a grip on yourself. You're acting like a teen. (sorry)

 

Why do you and other people feel the need to be rude when someone is asking for an advice? It is not that hard to write a comment without sounding rude...

[bluecastle]

Caty, I don't think anyone on here has been rude to you, with all due respect. People are listening to you, engaging with you, and offering really genuine, and really great, advice.

 

Your defensiveness here—how quickly you're triggered by anonymous posters—is, I think, connected to the same defensive stance you have toward dating, toward this man, himself just a shade above anonymous and, as such, he should not be able to get into the emotional core so quickly. If you think people are out to get you, or to hurt you or ghost you or game you, that's just how you're going to interpret anything save for the most Hallmark versions of connection.

 

You know what my close friends say to me when I'm spinning around like a banshee, be it about work, a date, my girlfriend? It goes something like: "Dude, chill! You're being ridiculous!" It's not because my friends are rude, but because they are honest and looking out for my best interests. Forces me to take a breath, look in the mirror, and acknowledge that, yes, I'm being a touch ridiculous and could seriously use a dose of chill.

 

There is simply another way to approach this—this guy, this stuff in general. He sends you the emojis and you respond, internally, with a little shurg emoji. Do you, think about the upcoming trip. Shoot him a note if you want, or don't—all good. Maybe you guys see each other before you leave, maybe not, maybe it's all on ice till he gets back, maybe it's all iced—also all good. The best thing about the early stages of dating is that it's all all good because it's not yet of any consequence.

 

That's chill. It's also being a grownup. When goddess says you're acting "like a teen" it's not rude but accurate. For teens romance takes place in high school hallways, in a world with little outside interference and constant validation, and as such it moves very fast: the glance in the hallway morphs into "I love you" under the bleachers in 48 hours. But that's not the world of adulthood. It's more ambiguous out here—more challenging, yes, but more rewarding. But to get those reward you need to be able to breathe, slowly, so you can breathe them in.