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Getting back with my ex

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Hi, l’m Beth and I’m having trouble deciding what to do. Any advise will be very helpful.


Me and my ex dated for about 4 years, the first 3yrs was amazing but in the last year we start to drift apart, he stop caring and didn’t want to hangout or even make effort or our anniversary. We talked about breaking up but never gone through with it cause it was too hard. I caught him flirting with a girl on fb, which he apologise and block her. About a month before he broke up with me, I notice he was interested in someone else since he didn’t want me around when she around. When I confronted him, he said I’m imagining things. We eventually broke up, I was heart broken and in pain but he was fine. I found out that not long after we broke up he went and slept with that girl. He was out partying and having fun.


Fast forward 2 years, I’ve finally pull myself together and focusing on me. Then he suddenly msg me wanting to meet up to apologise. He wanted to get back together and said how sorry he is for everything and he regret letting me go. We talked for hours and he said his a change man now, give him a chance to prove it. I still have feelings for him but I’m not sure whether to trust him or not. I don’t know what to do since he seem really sincere about everything. Can a person changed?

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Tell him there is no need to meet for him to apologise since he already texted his apology. And thank him for his delayed apology.

And then disappear. If his apology has nothing to do with a recent breakup of his etc he will contact again.

But don’t be a doormat!

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You need to completely delete and block him and all his people from all your messaging and social media apps. He has done fine without you for years. Think about that. If he wanted to 'change" he would have done so while you were together rather than cheat on you then dump you like trash.


He is playing you. Most likely he just got dumped or is having a dry spell or just wants a hookup.

Fast forward 2 years, Then he suddenly msg me wanting to meet up to apologise. We talked for hours and he said his a change man now, give him a chance to prove it.

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The part I don’t like about your breakup was that he didn’t really have the balls to do it until he had another girl on the line. He basically moved on without telling you, strung you along hurting you all the way (not putting effort into the Anniversary, etc) and then when he had something lined up - then he pulled the trigger. Basically, he wasn’t being honest with himself and/or was being selfish while watching you be hurt.


It’s normal to sometimes “check-out” and check back in to a relationship. But it takes honest reflection to know what’s going on with yourself.


I do think he probably regrets leaving you... but I also very much think that you can expect more of the same if he starts to check-out again. And i’m not sure how you could ever trust it if he needed space or whatever at some point - and rightfully so! He proved he’a not very good at being thoughtful and honest with you about what’s going on.


I think the relationship is over, OP and it should stay that way.

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I also don't like the way he treated you towards the end but I do believe people can change and I do leave room for that. I think trust hinges on whether you trust your partner's character and judgment.


I'm not sure why he felt he needed to go about things that way and his reasons or the way he is may go back a lot farther than just your relationship. If he's always gotten away with using people to his convenience or not facing his emotions, hiding them away, until he can't anymore, that's not a good sign. I think it's fair to get to know each other again but move slowly. If you sense that he's a bit too impulsive and impatient, explain that that doesn't make you feel comfortable and you both need to understand each other better moving forward. You should be asking questions about his female friends and this other person whom he seemed to be involved with after he was with you. You may also be a quick rebound and an easy bandaid solution. We don't know where he's coming from, to be honest.


Be honest with each other and don't go into this blindly. I think it's possible to grow from the experience but not without sincere trust and respect and knowing each other a lot better than you used to.

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You dated him for four years, so you should know him pretty well. Is he being truthful?


If you do decide to date him again, you can't hold the past against him. That will only make you jealous and it won't work. Both of you need to be all in or all out. Make sure that you talk through things enough to know that he is serious. If you feel like it is a good idea--if he truly adds to your happiness--then go for it!


You might get hurt, but you also might find yourself truly happy.

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