doravee Posted June 19, 2019 Share Posted June 19, 2019 I try to keep this short, but it might get a bit long nonetheless because I feel like I need to give some details. So I have this friend from high school, let’s call her Felicity. After graduation we haven’t really been able to keep in touch as she works a lot and I focus on my studies, but we do talk and meet whenever we have the opportunity/time. It’s really easy to get along with her, whenever we meet it’s like we have only seen each other yesterday. In high school I tried my best to get along with my classmates and have a decent relationship with them, and while everyone had their own little clique, we did hang out together every now and then. But I thought that Felicity was the nicest in the class and it was the easiest to hang out with her so we soon became close friends. There were only 3 of my classmates that I really absolutely couldn’t get along with, and these 3 people ended up being friends with Felicity. (For simplicity, let’s call them Julia, Emma and Alex.) At first I would try striking up conversations with them, getting to know them better, do the stuff you do when you meet your new class (this was long before I even made friends with Felicity) and in the first year things were okay between us. I eventually got along with Emma for a while but then she left school so now it was only Felicity, Alex and Julia. After the first year, in the beginning of the second year, Alex and Julia started to outright freeze me out and ignore me, even though I tried to be friendly and talk to them, but it seemed like they really disliked me. It felt like I was a ghost or something. I thought a lot about what I could have possibly done to make them feel this way, but I honestly couldn’t come up with anything. Afterwards I just tried to keep things civil mainly for Felicity’s sake but it sucked to be freezed out and seemingly hated for no apparent reason. And I was always too chicken to ask them or do anything, really. They didn’t really bully me in a sense that they never made any comments, just the way they would be very passive aggressive around me and avoid me like the plague just made me feel so bad and I never really knew why I endured it. I always told myself that I was scared to not being able to stay friends with Felicity if I said something or left because she seemed just very fond of Alex and Julia and spent so much of her time with them. They were often very weird around Felicity too, but she never realized it, or maybe it didn’t bother her (as she also never seemed to notice how they were to me, or again, maybe she didn’t think much of it) I was also too chicken to do anything in a situation that made me feel crappy and rejected. I regretted so many times that I did not leave this group to look for people that actually were nice to me, but I guess at the time I really thought that I wasn’t going to be able to spend as much time with Felicity as when I was also in her group. She was in the middle, wanting everyone to tag along etc etc. But towards end of high school I literally had no direct contact with Julia and Alex. After graduation, I thought a lot about why I didn’t say anything, or if I actually did something wrong and their behavior towards me was justified, but maybe I just never realized it. Either way, it was so embarrassing that I used to be such a coward and I guess I still am because I haven’t been able to say anything to them or Felicity either. (At that one time when I attempted to she completely dismissed the idea of Alex and Julia not liking me and even though I reasoned with her, she thought I was wrong.) They haven’t kept in touch either, they only message each other in our group chat like twice a year to meet up, but I haven’t been to any of those gatherings ever since graduation and I haven’t spoken a word to Emma, Julia or Alex since we left high school. And it feels so much better this way, but whenever one of them gets the idea that it’s time for them to meet I feel so stressed again, because I still can’t seem to be straightforward. Last year while I met up with Felicity at the local university we accidentally ran into Alex. I didn’t even know that she studied at the very same campus as me, that’s how zero contact I had with her/them. Either way, we ran into her, and she wouldn’t even say hi to me. I was standing there in front of her, and she did say hello to Felicity, even hugged her, but she wouldn’t look at me, wouldn’t say hi back, and kept only looking at Felicity, as if I was totally invisible. It felt so embarrassing again, so after standing there awkwardly for about 5 minutes I went to class and hated myself passionately for being so lame. I don’t know what I could have possibly said or done or anything, but it feels like it’s too late to do or say anything after putting up with these stuff for years like a complete idiot. Anyway, they started planning another gathering this week, and I didn’t even open the group chat, because I’m 100 % sure that I don’t want to go and meet them, because I would just be like my high school-version of me, awkward, trying to engage in a conversation without much luck, even though the only person that genuinely wants to see me is Felicity. I want to just leave that group chat altogether, and I definitely don’t want to meet Alex or Julia again. But I also don’t know what to do or how to do this. I thought about telling everything honestly to Felicity once and for all, if she asks me if I want to come or if she notices me leaving the chat or anything, but knowing her she would be just oblivious about the whole thing, very surprised that I felt this way, start asking me questions and wouldn’t understand me. It feels like whenever I’m around these people I turn into this pushover again, and I don't want that. I’m trying so hard to get more determined and straightforward, but I don't know how. What should I do in this situation? Is there anything that I can do to be less scared of getting into conflicts and arguments, or saying what I actually want to say and not what others want me to say? I’m sorry for this whole rant, but any kind of advice, insight, thought would be very much appreciated. Link to comment
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