Recent Fall out with a family member, is it my fault?

[abitbroken]

I feel like a lot of people in this thread are advocating for someone to cut ties with their family as if that is easy to do. I understand the complexity here. This is your family and they are putting a lot of pressure on you to not be independent, but instead to be part of their unit. And there are innocent toddlers here at risk, having a sibling take care of them, having irresponsible adults. It's not fair to you or those kids.

 

No one is to saying to cut ties and not have a relationship - to not talk to or having a loving relationship with them. We are talking about leaving the nest, and setting some boundaries. Everyone should leave the nest at some point and the OP cannot really progress because she is a student and should be focusing on being that - making the money she needs to get her through school and not be victim to her parents and sister's poor choices.

 

Those kids are NOT her responsibility. They can get WIC, they can move into a smaller more affordable place, most states have free early childhood classes before Kindergarten if their income is low and they can move back to their more affordable state if they were doing fine before they came to pricey California. Let the parents parent.

[Rihannon]

No one is to saying to cut ties and not have a relationship - to not talk to or having a loving relationship with them. We are talking about leaving the nest, and setting some boundaries. Everyone should leave the nest at some point and the OP cannot really progress because she is a student and should be focusing on being that - making the money she needs to get her through school and not be victim to her parents and sister's poor choices.

 

Those kids are NOT her responsibility. They can get WIC, they can move into a smaller more affordable place, most states have free early childhood classes before Kindergarten if their income is low and they can move back to their more affordable state if they were doing fine before they came to pricey California. Let the parents parent.

 

All I'm trying to say is that I understand that it is difficult to pull away from a family who is pressuring you to stay.

[catfeeder]

She is paying car insurance, yet taking an uber. She is not simply paying her fair share.

 

There is a difference between paying your own electric bill at your own place and paying for car insurance for cars that are not yours to drive and the main utilities because you are enabling your parents. Paying SOMETHING because you live there is one thing -- an agreed to upon amount, etc, every month or a bill, but there are 5 adults here and the household should not live and die based on a full time student supporting the family. As a full time student, as long as she is in school, her responsibility is to pay for her entertainment and anything above and beyond her parents would normally pay whether she was there or not (if she wants an iPhone, gas and car insurance for the car SHE drives). She should not subsidize her sister who doesn't work, etc, but has plenty of time to hang out with her bf.

 

If to live there, one sister paid the electric and the other paid the cable/internet and another paid the car insurance - then that's different, as the "rent" they agreed to, that's another matter, but that's not the case.

 

I agree. This is why I said to pay for what you WANT to pay for, and let the rest slide. If whatever slides is valuable enough for someone else to pay, it's amazing how that will happen. Regardless, you're minus the cost of those bills closer to saving the money to move out.