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What to do when a date blows your mind?


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So, I had a date yesterday, didn't have any expectations but was hopeful that the chemistry via text would relate to real life. It did! Instant connection and all the important things I'm looking for, common interests and values appear to be there. He made it very clear he was keen and I reciprocated to a lesser degree (I'm in no rush to get married off haha). We have agreed to go on a date again next week.

 

Problem is, I'm shocked, I've not experienced this before (maybe when I was younger and didn't have a definitive idea of what I wanted so good chemistry was enough). The guy is in my head! I couldn't sleep last night and today I'm not very focussed at work because I'm trying to process what happened. So! How do I get a grip of myself. If I get stuck in my head about it I'll be my own worst enemy.

 

I went for a walk on my lunch break but that didn't help and I know if I go see my friends I'll end up just gushing about this guy.

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You're setting yourself up for major heartache.

 

You had one date, and you're already thinking of white picket fences. Slow down. First dates are often fabulous until you start finding out who the person is. Don't do this to yourself. Give it a lot of time and don't invest your heart yet.

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Talk about a pendulum swing....

 

Ignoring all that my best advice to you is to slow down. That first date buzz when you click is awesome for sure, but you still have to pace yourself. Enjoy getting to know one another, I’m happy you met someone, enjoy it, stay grounded you’ll be ok.

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First dates aren't a for sure thing..everyone is on their best behavior so you cannot gauge the truth on everything based on that. Trust me, many have went all hearts and flowers over a total loser because the first date went well.

 

Like others said...slow down.

 

You don't know him, you don't know if this is genuine, you don't know for certain that it is all trustworthy and real. You need many more dates before you can determine that.

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I can relate, my first date with my fiance was similar and by date 3 we had made our relationship official and now 2.5 years later we're going as strong as ever.

 

My advice, just enjoy the moments and getting to know him but keep a logical head don't let the emotions run away with you. 😊

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I admit it's hard to give advice about this situation without taking into account the tone and tenor of the last post.

 

How to get a grip? Well, it's to remember that men are...just men. They are neither creepy, overeager clingers who are the root of exhaustion and frustration, nor are they pheromonal stallions who represent the answer to loneliness, the solution to angst, the opening of a new life. They are people. Yesterday you met one you had a nice time with. Great. Meet again, see what's what. Maybe you end up dating, maybe not. Both are fine outcomes—neither, at this point, any better than the other.

 

Easy for me to write that down—and, for the most part, pretty easy for me to live it out there in the world—but I do worry about you a bit, I confess. Not sleeping? This should only be cause for excellent sleep. Trying to process? There is next to nothing to process save for: great time, looking forward to the next one.

 

Whenever I hear an expression like "this guy is in my head!" what I translate it it is "this guy is reminding me that I'm a little wobbly!" Work on those wobbles, explore them, so you have space to get to know people.

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I would get super excited about dating in my early 20s’, if I liked a guy and the attraction was mutual. Now I’m slightly older and have this rule – don’t be excited unless he’s your boyfriend. Some men are huge players, they know what to say and how to get under your skin, you need more dates to find out who he really is.

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Try to keep yourself calm.

 

There's another poster on here who becomes "very excited" about every single guy she meets and/or goes on one date with. She thinks each guy is her new boyfriend. And she becomes bitterly disappointed and heartbroken every time it doesn't work out. She doesn't take the time to find out if the guy is right for her before she becomes "very excited" and attached emotionally.

 

Level set. It's great that you had fun and like this guy. But make sure to slow down and get to know him before you start believing he's the new great love of your life.

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Some men are huge players, they know what to say and how to get under your skin, you need more dates to find out who he really is.

 

Absolutely!! I have learned this lesson too. Tough lesson but a very real one too. Some men just know how to charm and say the exact right words and things seem so perfect.

 

It doesn't mean it's real.

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I'm not sure why you're fighting it so badly. Enjoy it. Obviously not everyone you meet will be interesting enough to induce you to see them again. Be at peace and just see how it unfolds. You're worrying too much about trying to control your enjoyment and I think it's a little harsh on yourself.

 

I remember what it was like when I met my husband after we connected online. The chemistry was instant and undeniable. Follow your instincts and don't worry yourself over nothing.

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I'm not sure why you're fighting it so badly. Enjoy it. Obviously not everyone you meet will be interesting enough to induce you to see them again. Be at peace and just see how it unfolds. You're worrying too much about trying to control your enjoyment and I think it's a little harsh on yourself.

 

I remember what it was like when I met my husband after we connected online. The chemistry was instant and undeniable. Follow your instincts and don't worry yourself over nothing.

 

I echo Rose on this.

 

To add, enjoy what you're feeling, it's exciting! And very rare.

 

Just lower your expectations, don't worry about where it's going, or even what it all means, simply live in the moment and allow it to take you wherever it's meant to take you.

 

If it doesn't work out, cherish the memory.

 

As I said, feeling that instant connection is very very rare, so embrace it and enjoy it!!

 

Try to not overthink it.

 

Good luck and keep us posted!

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I would say I'm being logical, I'm aware I don't know him, I'm aware he could be full of Bee Ess, I am not interested in jumping into a relationship overnight. Would like to go on more dates to get to know him and find out more about him. Keeping my options open. I have dates lined up with other people who are interesting. I don't think I've gone too googly eyed, though I can see that might have been the impression from my first post.

 

Just not used to feeling like this after a date and not really sure what to make of it. It's a nice feeling but a bit confusing tbh. I am not the type to get blown away by people. Even the date I had before him. Absolutely lovely woman, had a fantastic first impression of her, but wasn't fascinated or whatever it was that I'm feeling about him. I'm trying to place what I'm feeling. I don't know what it is lol. I rung my bestie to tell her what a great date I had. I've never done that before in my life. Who knows maybe the next dates with the other people will be as awesome. Then I will be in a pickle 😂😂

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I echo Rose on this.

 

To add, enjoy what you're feeling, it's exciting! And very rare.

 

Just lower your expectations, don't worry about where it's going, or even what it all means, simply live in the moment and allow it to take you wherever it's meant to take you.

 

If it doesn't work out, cherish the memory.

 

As I said, feeling that instant connection is very very rare, so embrace it and enjoy it!!

 

Try to not overthink it.

 

Good luck and keep us posted!

 

I think this was good advice, I wouldn't say I'm worried, I'm feeling good, somewhat fascinated by the new sensation, mostly confused haha. I am aware I need to not overthink or I will cause problems for myself. Just seeking advise on what to do to avoid that. Its easy to say, don't overthink it but that's not necessarily easy to do. I usually play badminton when I'm thinking too much but that's not on until Friday!

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Did you two kiss?

 

That's great, butterflies are fun! The first rule is to go by your gut; your head and your heart are liars.

 

The next thing is to make sure he loves you as much or more than you love him. He who loves less has the power - he has less to lose.

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thornz, being that you're a logical peson by nature, you're trying to attach logic to something that is not logical.

 

It's chemistry/energy, there is no rhyme or reason, nothing logical about it.

 

Chemistry, love, the great energy you're feeling (which hopefully he's feeling too) is intangible.

 

My sense is you're more cerebral than emotional, so this feeling is throwing you in a bit of a loop.

 

I can't help you w that as I am an emotional person by nature and understand this feeling very well.

 

I've experienced it only a few times in my life, it's very rare, by my god it's a beautiful feeling!!

 

Don't knock yourself out trying to understand it, embrace it!

.

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I'm afraid you can't control the way you feel. You can only control your thoughts and your actions so be mindful of your thoughts and actions. If you feel flighty and impulsive and think or act in a similar way, you'll achieve results related to flighty and impulsive as reactions to your thoughts and actions. If you feel flighty and impulsive but think and act mindfully or remain aware and kind to others or yourself, you should have the same returned to you. If you don't, you might want to check your company.

 

Take it easy and just be yourself. We all learn eventually.

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I am not the type to get blown away by people.

 

I'm just going to challenge you a bit.

 

I can't read the above sentence as factual, since your last post, if we zoom out a hair, was very much about being "blown away" by a man as well. In that case, as in this case, it took very little for him to get deeply under your skin to the point where you were dissecting it all on here.

 

Yes, that experience was negative and this one positive, but they're flip sides to the same coin. They add up, at least to my eyes and ears in the bleacher seats, as evidence that the business of dating really, really blows you around.

 

I mean, even what you're saying now about having some other dates lined up and foreseeing a "pickle"? Well, that's preemptively creating the winds to be "blown away" in yet another way. It's making drama where there can be simply dating.

 

Inhale, exhale. See him again. Meet up with some other people. When connections prove to be strong the chips tend to fall into place pretty easily. But the more you can let go of all the stories about where those chips are going to land, the more you can enjoy it, genuinely, being blown sweetly with your feet still on the ground.

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I would say I'm being logical, I'm aware I don't know him, I'm aware he could be full of Bee Ess, I am not interested in jumping into a relationship overnight. Would like to go on more dates to get to know him and find out more about him. Keeping my options open. I have dates lined up with other people who are interesting. I don't think I've gone too googly eyed, though I can see that might have been the impression from my first post.

 

Just not used to feeling like this after a date and not really sure what to make of it. It's a nice feeling but a bit confusing tbh. I am not the type to get blown away by people. Even the date I had before him. Absolutely lovely woman, had a fantastic first impression of her, but wasn't fascinated or whatever it was that I'm feeling about him. I'm trying to place what I'm feeling. I don't know what it is lol. I rung my bestie to tell her what a great date I had. I've never done that before in my life. Who knows maybe the next dates with the other people will be as awesome. Then I will be in a pickle 😂😂

 

An intoxicating feeling most definitely... but why confusing? My guess is that it's because your head is muddled with feelings while also trying to stay logical. This is totally normal when we have chemistry with someone. Just remember that chemistry is not a sure thing, it doesn't mean the relationship is "meant to be" just that you are attracted to him physically and as a person right now. Enjoy the attraction and get to know him without chasing or rushing into anything... let it be reciprocal and flow at the pace it's meant to and see where things go... and if it doesn't work out then don't worry about it. Sometimes these moments are just the universe's way of showing us that we are capable of such feelings so that we can open ourselves up to the possibilities.

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Between now and the next date read up on infatuation.

 

Great dates are fun! But that instant chemistry thing you just described can be a really good thing - or a really bad thing.

 

The reality is. . you don't know this guy. When you become infatuated, you inject your fantasy traits into those areas of the unknown.

 

So, now you've got this fantasy man who you are losing sleep over.

What are the odds he's really as fabulous as you think he is? Or better, you want to think he is.

 

It's not impossible, but it's a high that can blind you and lead you down the wrong path.

So in the meantime, read up on it some, manage your expectations some and keep a clear head.

 

In my personal experience, those instant high guys ended up being my worst nightmare.

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I agree, you should enjoy this high while it lasts. You are happy you met someone very interesting and I am sure by the time date 2 rolls around your feet will have found terra firma once again.

 

Try and not play to many of the dating rules/games. You are interested so make sure he can tell you are! Sometimes us guys are pretty dense and can miss the subtle signs.

 

I am really happy for you! I have been doing the online thing since February and I know how rare this opportunity is. Even if it doesn't work out in the end it helps reassure you that there are in fact people out there you are interested in.

 

Lost

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I agree with head in the clouds and feet on the grounds. Permit the feelings to exist, choose the actions and reactions. Is there a second date planned, time and place? If not assume -realistically and logically -that there is no next date and enjoy the memories. And if he plans another date then assume he will show up and you show up too and see how it goes. No confusion - just don't subject him to your feelings by overwhelming him with texts/contact, etc. Let things evolve like unwrapping a many layered package.

 

And he may be a genuinely good person, not full of BS and also not right for you - and you will know that either way in a couple of months of dating.

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Hello all, last night I got a severe migraine which has lasted until now. Had to take the day off work today as it didn't go away with sleep like usual. Typically my migraines follow a mood swing like giddiness or sadness so maybe the date wasn't much to do with what I was feeling lol. Might have been more the migraine than anything else 🤔

 

Starting to feel a bit recovered from my migraine and now I'm feeling a lot more grounded. Had to cancel my other date tonight due to being ill.

 

To answer some queries, we didn't kiss, at least not on the mouth. He went in for a peck, I told him he could have one on the cheek. I think he is far more into me than I am into him but he's definitely caught my interest and I really loved the date. I did notice some things to keep my eye on but we will see how those things develop. I don't think you get a good idea of someone on a first date, someone might come off worse due to nerves or better due to trying to give you the best impression. We agreed on the date we would like to see each other again and have since confirmed that by text but haven't set a time/day. I haven't initiated much texting other than to wish him a good flight and he has sent me a few texts but I haven't responded yet due to being ill and also not interested in texting all the time.

 

I'm in two minds whether I want to see him again at this point. My gut is that we could get on great as friends, have amazing fun, maybe even great sex but one of my important values is to be frugal, he earns a lot so far as I can tell, hangs around with pilots etc and seems to be a bit clueless about the realities of living on an average wage. I mentioned living with my housemate when we last text and he questioned why an adult would live in a house share. He was quite rude about it imo but I am exceptionally sensitive about this kind of thing because I hate my living situation. The fact is though that it's a pretty common living situation for people my age. I find it really odd that he doesn't realise this. Reminds me of my technical director who comes over whining about how he has trouble getting his Morgan (expensive vintage car) down to the main road, because his mansion is so remote the little side road is poorly maintained by the council and full of potholes. Oh you poor thing, how awful for you 😂😂😂 meanwhile were sat there like, wish I could afford a house, or a Morgan 😂😂

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I think the main thing is I had an awesome date and am feeling like I'm finally in a good place for dating where I'm just in the moment enjoying the other person instead of fretfully analysing their behaviour for signs of whether they will hurt me or be abusive. Looking forward to more fun dates whether they are with him or other people 😊

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Hello all, last night I got a severe migraine which has lasted until now. Had to take the day off work today as it didn't go away with sleep like usual. Typically my migraines follow a mood swing like giddiness or sadness so maybe the date wasn't much to do with what I was feeling lol. Might have been more the migraine than anything else 🤔

 

Starting to feel a bit recovered from my migraine and now I'm feeling a lot more grounded. Had to cancel my other date tonight due to being ill.

 

To answer some queries, we didn't kiss, at least not on the mouth. He went in for a peck, I told him he could have one on the cheek. I think he is far more into me than I am into him but he's definitely caught my interest and I really loved the date. I did notice some things to keep my eye on but we will see how those things develop. I don't think you get a good idea of someone on a first date, someone might come off worse due to nerves or better due to trying to give you the best impression. We agreed on the date we would like to see each other again and have since confirmed that by text but haven't set a time/day. I haven't initiated much texting other than to wish him a good flight and he has sent me a few texts but I haven't responded yet due to being ill and also not interested in texting all the time.

 

I'm in two minds whether I want to see him again at this point. My gut is that we could get on great as friends, have amazing fun, maybe even great sex but one of my important values is to be frugal, he earns a lot so far as I can tell, hangs around with pilots etc and seems to be a bit clueless about the realities of living on an average wage. I mentioned living with my housemate when we last text and he questioned why an adult would live in a house share. He was quite rude about it imo but I am exceptionally sensitive about this kind of thing because I hate my living situation. The fact is though that it's a pretty common living situation for people my age. I find it really odd that he doesn't realise this. Reminds me of my technical director who comes over whining about how he has trouble getting his Morgan (expensive vintage car) down to the main road, because his mansion is so remote the little side road is poorly maintained by the council and full of potholes. Oh you poor thing, how awful for you 😂😂😂 meanwhile were sat there like, wish I could afford a house, or a Morgan 😂😂

 

And yet another pendulum swing.

 

Why are you analyzing so much? Just enjoy the fact that you met someone you vibe with.

 

I think we’re starting to get a clearer picture of why dating stresses you out this much, it was one date.

 

Just slow down and enjoy getting to know him, have fun with it.

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