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I met this person online and so far we went on the first date having dinner at a restaurant. Then the second date we went for hiking up and down the mountain with beautiful scenery which was really nice. I had lovely time. He paid for all the 2 dates which i also offered to pay but he said next time and i felt i had to also return his favour ......Then the third date He was invited to my place and i cooked some food for him which gave me an opportunity to return his favour . So all the 3 dates were nice and i really had a good time. I do get on very well with him and he seems very thoughtful giving me thoughtful present something to do with my hobbies and what i am interested in. I do really like him. The only think is that i do not feel the attraction. So far we met and i could imagine spending time with him and have so much fun but i could not imagine kissing or having anything physically intimate with him.

 

This morning i popped online on the dating site and i saw him online and i kinda feel like he might be annoyed with me being online. I am now not sure what to do as for the reason below:

1. I love his company but still cannot find that level of attraction

2. I am not sure what to do really..... as if i continue to meet up with him then i guess he would expect me to be off the dating site and whilst i still cannot feel the attraction... then what should i do

 

He ticks all the boxes though which is very rare, and this is the only problem that i have.........

 

He would not normally be my type at all but recently i have been more open as it is very hard to find someone who ticks all the boxes.

 

Any advice would be appreciated

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It's best not to string anyone along you merely see as a friend. Tell him that that is all this can be. Be sincere with people. People will be online and meeting people until they determine they want an exclusive relationship. The exclusive talk often happens before or when sex is introduced.

The only think is that i do not feel the attraction. So far we met and i could imagine spending time with him and have so much fun but i could not imagine kissing or having anything physically intimate with him. This morning i popped online on the dating site and i saw him online and i kinda feel like he might be annoyed with me being online.
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Perhaps it’s too soon to reach a conclusion after 3 dates, but if you don't want to kiss him and you don’t feel attracted to him, maybe it’s time to let it go.

 

I also wonder if he is not trying too hard (giving presents after 3 dates). If a man is ‘too nice’, it can be a turn off.

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When it comes to relationships, not being attracted is more than a problem, it spells a complete dead end no go.

 

Don't get fixated on theoretical check boxes, it's not how chemistry and attraction works. After 3 dates, you've given it enough of a shot to warm up to him. Don't string him along anymore or try to over think this. If he asks for another date, just decline politely, otherwise you might not need to do anything at all. He seems to be online looking for other dates as well. Perhaps the lack of chemistry is mutual.

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With no attraction, he's a potential friend. The longer you drag this out or debate it, the more likely there is no chance that a friendship can happen (if you want one with him). Best to let him know with a simple "no chemistry" explanation but that you enjoy his company and would like to keep in contact or hang out every so often.

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i wonder if men get hurt when a women he likes ,tell him she doesn't feel chemistry towards him?

 

Why would you think men wouldn't get hurt by something like that? Would YOU be hurt if you liked a guy and he told you he didn't feel chemistry toward you?

 

Men have the same feelings women do.

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Why would you think men wouldn't get hurt by something like that? Would YOU be hurt if you liked a guy and he told you he didn't feel chemistry toward you?

 

Men have the same feelings women do.

 

Oh god, i just told him in a general conversation as if it's just a normal thing and then went on about how much i enjoy the dates. I hope he is ok now......

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Oh god, i just told him in a general conversation as if it's just a normal thing and then went on about how much i enjoy the dates. I hope he is ok now......

 

I'm sure he is OK. Being "hurt" doesn't always mean a total devastating breakdown.

 

If he's online dating I'm sure this isn't the first time a date didn't turn into a long term relationship.

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He is such a sweet guy though. i wonder if i keep spending time with him then the chemistry could grow from friendship. I wish i met someone like him who i am madly in love with strong chemistry :-(

He replied take care. Does it mean that he doesnt want to see me anymore?

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He is such a sweet guy though. i wonder if i keep spending time with him then the chemistry could grow from friendship. I wish i met someone like him who i am madly in love with strong chemistry :-(

 

Would you want to continue to date a guy who was trying to get "chemistry" going with you through friendship? Or would you want a guy who didn't have to try to make himself attracted to you?

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Would you want to continue to date a guy who was trying to get "chemistry" going with you through friendship? Or would you want a guy who didn't have to try to make himself attracted to you?

 

but he is such a sweet guy and those guys who i feel the chemistry with have been players :-(

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Yes. Are you new at dating or out of the game for a while? Online dating is full of one-and-done and no chemistry etc. He'll get over it, keep in mind he's not invested after 3 dates and he was on dating sites the entire time. Just move forward.

He replied take care. Does it mean that he doesnt want to see me anymore?

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but he is such a sweet guy and those guys who i feel the chemistry with have been players :-(

 

That doesn't mean you should use him to try to get over your attraction to "players".

 

If you don't feel "that way" toward him, please don't string him along. Be nice and let him go find someone who doesn't have to "try" to be attracted to him.

 

In the meantime, try to find out ON YOUR OWN why you find what you call "players" so hot and attractive.

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Yes. Are you new at dating or out of the game for a while? Online dating is full of one-and-done and no chemistry etc. He'll get over it, keep in mind he's not invested after 3 dates and he was on dating sites the entire time. Just move forward.

 

aaah that's sad , i hope that we could be friend . :-(

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No one joins a dating site hoping to befriend their dates unless that person has defaulted to being emotionally unavailable in the first place. You'll also be wasting your time befriending the opposite sex when you could be actually putting your heart and soul into finding the right romantic partner for you. Don't fall into that vortex of mediocrity. Leave him alone and I second the other sentiments of the other members. Move on.

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i wonder if men get hurt when a women he likes ,tell him she doesn't feel chemistry towards him?

 

Of course they do, just like women do, but that doesn't mean you should pretend or hide the truth from him. Being honest, kind and compassionate about your feelings is always the best way to go vs. trying to make something work that isn't meant to. He deserves to find someone he has chemistry with just like you do.

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He replied take care. Does it mean that he doesnt want to see me anymore?

 

- you asked him to be just friends and he rejected your friendship request.

 

Many people have trouble being just friends when only one of them has romantic feelings.

 

He is such a sweet guy though. i wonder if i keep spending time with him then the chemistry could grow from friendship. I wish i met someone like him who i am madly in love with strong chemistry :-(

- That rarely happens in intimate, one-on-one dating, which you are doing.

 

However, crushes sometimes develop when getting to know a guy from afar, in classes and groups, and other scenarios where you see the person periodically in group settings. Online dating does not count, it's a different animal.

 

You just have to find someone who you not only are attracted to, but also like their personality. Welcome to dating, the endless search for a needle in a haystack.

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but he is such a sweet guy and those guys who i feel the chemistry with have been players :-(

 

I think you need to address what you are attracted to. If you are attracted to players, it does not sound like you are looking for a relationship. Your picker is off if you are attracted to these types of men.

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He is such a sweet guy though. i wonder if i keep spending time with him then the chemistry could grow from friendship. I wish i met someone like him who i am madly in love with strong chemistry :-(

He replied take care. Does it mean that he doesnt want to see me anymore?

 

Yes it means he doesn't want to see you anymore, and fair enough, this is how the dating game goes.

 

I suggest looking inward and doing some introspective work on what you want from a relationship, and what you can offer a relationship. Be the person you want to attract... attract being the key word here, you won't get the relationship you want by chasing the wrong type of men. Decide what you want for yourself and don't invest energy into the ones that don't have the qualities you are looking for.

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Perhaps, you can suggest being friends. I did it, and it worked out well.

 

He said sweet things like just seeing my smile would make his day etc. and really want to see me like everyday. i suggested him that we can start from friendship and see how it goes which means both of us will be off the market which is probably not good for both of us to try to force it . But he agreed to go forward with it. I might bring this up when we meet next time. he is so so sweet and i would miss him if i wont see him again :-(

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I think you need to address what you are attracted to. If you are attracted to players, it does not sound like you are looking for a relationship. Your picker is off if you are attracted to these types of men.

 

It is like a physical attraction. Because how nice this person is, i am planning to date him more and see if i can find him attractive physically .

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