undertheivy Posted June 12, 2019 Share Posted June 12, 2019 Hello all, I wasn’t sure wether to put this in friendship category or this one, because ultimately my problem I’m dealing with is with a friendship. But I decided to post it here in the grief section to get some others opinions who may have dealt with something similar. Thanks in advance everyone! My dad passed away 2 months ago today. It was very sudden and unexpected - a heart attack. He was only 64. I’m only 29.. to say the least it was traumatic and devastating. My dad and I were very close, we were best friends. Obviously it’s been hard, I’ve been helping my mom every single day dealing with the loss of her true love of 40 years. So it’s been hard but the days are slowly getting easier. My best friend of 12 years at first was very sincere and considerate. She sent me a couple of nice texts, came to the funeral and reception (but didn’t say anything to me other than “I’m so sorry” - literally nothing else). I could tell from the get go that this was hard for her as well as she has never lost anyone close to her before, and this is the first time a close friend of hers has lost someone close. These are new emotions for her that she’s never experienced before. I totally get that. And at first I didn’t show any sign of concern about anything because I figured she needed to deal with some emotions too. **side note her and my dad were not close, they of course knew each other well but they didn’t see each other very often - Just clearing that up** In the 2 months that have gone by since I lost my dad I have barely heard from her and I have not seen her at all. When I do get a text or something from her it’s small talk/little random stuff. She has not once asked to go out and do something - despite me telling her a month ago I really missed her and wanted to see her. I told her I need my best friend and wanna get out of the house and do something. She then hung out with other mutual friends (several times), puts pictures up all over social media knowing I will see them. But didn’t invite me to tag along to any of these. I have asked her in these 2 months about 4 or 5 times to get together and hang out, get dinner or just anything, and every single time she has blown me off and come up with an excuse. My dad’s birthday was recent (a month after he passed) and I wanted her to be there. We were getting together with some close friends and family at his favorite bar to celebrate. She said she would come and then the day of the gathering she said something came up. Didn’t apologize or anything, just “something came up”. Finally yesterday I texted her and asked if anything was wrong or if I had done something to upset her. She just said no. I sent her another text and nothing. I just don’t understand.. it’s like she’s avoiding me, won’t talk to me.. grief is already very isolating and this is just making it worse. I feel like shes waiting for this grief to pass and then she’ll come back around. She just doesn’t want to be around for any of it. I understand it’s hard to console someone when you’re not sure what to do or how to do it. But completely running from it and avoiding it just makes that person feel worse. It’s still common decency to show up and say “I’m here if you need anything”. She hasn’t done this at all. Has anyone else dealt with something similar? I know that hard times bring out people’s true colors. You learn through loss who’s there for you and who isn’t. But I’m just so disappointed with how selfish she’s being.. this is my best friend. I’ve been there for her through so much and this is the one time I’ve needed her. I guess the advice I’m looking for is do I reach out to her again? Do I tell her how I’m feeling about her actions and how they’ve hurt me? I’m just on the fence about it. It’s all I can think about lately because I don’t have many other friends. Not one friend has called to check on me. I was just counting on her to be here. And I’d hate to go through the loss and grief of losing my best friend on top of losing my dad. Link to comment
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