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Ex gets engaged first day to meet new man . Matching couple tattoos 1 week later


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FYI this story is in the Philippines ... I'm an American living there most of the year..

 

dated this girl on and off for 3 yrs.. as I was in and out of the country during the 3yrs she dated or had 3-4 other boyfriends ... usually around 2-6 months at a time then she would contact me and we would reconnect few of the times I contacted her first

 

Most of 2018 we are together she dated another guy on-line never met in which we are separated for 5 months.. then end of 2018- through April 2019 we are together and she isn't dating anyone else

 

we lived in different cites but she would fly to stay with me for extended amounts of time or I went to her city for 2+ months beginning of 2019.... This entire time we are never officially BF & GF as I was still dating other girls ..

 

Beginning of March she starts chatting a man from Germany - I find out about it when she says she can't see me when I'm coming to see her on this trip I had planned.. she says she is meeting someone.. I get upset about and she tells the guy that she can't meet him because of me already has something planned with me and I've been there for her since the beginning.

 

he blocks her changes his profile photo back to his old finance. for about a week - he had just broken off and engagement just months before chatting her..

 

I have plans to see her in 3 weeks as I'll be coming to her city for about a month before my business trip back to USA.

 

1-2 weeks after her being home in Davao Philippines she is chatting him again on FB.. then goes into a relationship on Facebook

 

I immediately call her to tell her I'm still coming for our trip and she says okay.. Few days later she messages me is it okay if I stay with you No sex.. ? (Looking back I realize this is a big turning point.. I should have just said I want to see you regardless sex or no sex)

 

I realize now that she wanted to see I cared for her of if it was just our amazing sex.

 

but... I reply with laughing emojis.. and say we will talk about when I there..

 

Its important to note this guy changed his flight 1 month later to meet her as she told him she must meet me first... which should be okay since they aren't in a relationship yet.

 

around the time she went into a relationship she posts this on her FB wall...... If you're not ready to commit she understands.. but when you see her with someone who is PLEASE UNDERSTAND!

 

The next week she sends me messages saying I'm so sorry but I can't meet you anymore my family is growing close to the man and I am to his family..

 

I so sorry ! I don't want to hurt you and I don't want to hurt him.. and I can't let me family down.. as it would look bad to see you knowing that I'm in a relationship with him... I wish I could just run away.

 

At this point I feel I again should have flew in anyways and got my girl.. but I did no contact and deiced to let her see this guy is crazy.. as he told her the first week of chatting on FB I love you and already told my sister you're the one for me.. within a few weeks of that he basically told her he is going to marry her...

 

less than 1 month later his plane lands he goes straight to her house and proposes in front of her family the day he arrives! They only knew each other in Peron for one day. Less than one week later they get matching couple tattoos that take up half of their arms.. that Say I love you "partner name"

 

he or she actually text me from her phone the day this happened on viber app but I couldn't see what the message was at is was a disappearing message that was gone when I open it.. I imagine it was a photo of this tattoo or a message not sure... only reason I even know about this tattoo as my friends send me the photo via FB messenger

 

I had already unfollowed her almost a month before the engagement and tattoo even occurred so I'm not thinking of it too much.. My friend sent me this asking what are you doing right before she got engaged saying she is a good one.. You must be nice to her or someone else will

 

Now that I know about this tattoo it has really gotten to me.. I'm sure she will likely regret it.. especially if she realizes this guy might be a special kinda crazy. seems to me these might be early signs of an abusive controlling type of man..

 

I've looked on-line I guess couple tattoos doom a relationship and over 90% of the time they end usually within 6-12 although no officially stats on this anywhere..

 

its just tough as she was my best friend... I feel responsible as I hurt her many times as she just wanted me to commit to her and only her.

 

he is currently with her for this month then he will fly back to his country next month as only in Philippines for 30 days..

 

if they are to go through with the marriage and she goes to Europe to process the paperwork to do that takes between 6-9 months.. Unless they got married in the Philippines then they could do it quickly which wouldn't surprise at the speed this is moving now.

 

a month isn't that long to get to know someone..

 

- I'll be in USA but I will be back on her bday month this August.. normally in the past I would usually here from here I would guess around this time.. when she is going into a temporary relationship.. She would usually want to come and see me

 

This is different as she is engaged with a tattoo... and she has changed her last name on FB and I'm 100% she blocked me the day after she got the tattoo ..

 

I'm quite sure it was his idea to do these couple tattoo and to block me.. I feel this was a move to show their love moreover make sure she stays with him forever...and doesn't leave or cheat on him.

 

any guess to what will happen next.. ? as in this next 2-6 months as he will be gone for many of them..

 

 

I guess I should just be happy for her.. at the same time I feel she just got into a quick rebound relationship with someone the opposite of me to take away the pain and stress... All she wanted was for me to commit to her .. since I wouldn't and she was hurt by me having other gfs and my lack of commitment she just latched onto the this person..

 

I feel she is very likely to go through with this marriage and move to Germany next year.. it might be until then she sees his other side..

 

then eventually if it becomes and abusive relationship she will feel scared and trapped in another country with nobody to reach out to.. I'm just learning about the early signs of an abusive relationship and this guy fits the mold.. (but I could be wrong)

 

I don't know what to achieve here on this forum .. I just read a similar forum someone else wrote few years ago with ex getting tattoo quickly.. so figured I would reach out and share my story.... as I'm living with this regret and she is still the first thing I wake up and think about everyday and many times throughout the day..

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What attracts you to a woman who has such a juvenile approach to relationships, OP?

 

This whole thing is a complete circus and you’re focusing on the wrong things. Sure, the new guy might be nuts. But she plans to marry him, so what does that tell you about her? It’s not as though she’s demonstrated much rational behaviour either.

 

The tattoo in and of itself is meaningless, in terms of relationship potential. There are so many other red flags all over this whole story that the tattoo is just a representation of the impulsivity and lack of sound judgment around.

 

There’s no future with her for you, OP. Cut ties and let her live her own life, regardless of how poorly you view her choices. Not your business anymore.

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If you two truly had loved each other, it would not have been an on and off relationship. You would have forever been exclusive.

 

Learn that treating people like yo-yo's is not the way to go when seeking a longterm partner.

 

For closure, remain no contact and don't seek out news of her. Also, she is taken and it's unethical for you to speak to her since you're an ex who is still attracted to her.

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It’s really only in the «western» world, and really only in the last 100 years or so, that the idea developed that «love» is the one and only reason to get married. So much so that we ignore the rest and like to pretend that «love conquers all». In most other parts of the world, love falls somewhere on the priority list - but usually not first on the list - and it falls somewhere after the promise of a good life, financial stability, family, religion, etc. The idea is that with enough good will, commitment and shared experiences, love will follow. (For what it’s worth, I’m not sure they are wrong)

 

Do you really think it was a coincidence that her next boyfriend (and probably others) were long-distance westerners?

 

I think she correctly assessed that you were nowhere near giving her what she wants - marriage, a better life, maybe a family, etc. So - she found someone who would.

 

I wouldn’t worry about the tattoo thing. Unless you saw a needle going into her arm, there is a good possibility that it’s a henna tattoo which washes off in about 6-8 weeks. It looks just like the real thing.

 

And I don’t think you messed anything up when she asked to see you without sex. I think she was probably already exclusive with that other guy - but was trying not to cut you off completely and keep her options open in case that fell through. I don’t think it was a test.

 

The only thing you could have done to keep her would be to marry her, IMO.

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Be happy for them. Let her go.

 

Just recognize that the set up for this is unusual and, like everyone else, you're on a journey of self-discovery. If you found that you weren't able to commit earlier, keep reflecting on that. I feel like you're engaging more in feelings of jealousy than love (that this man has usurped your place). Let it go. It'll just fester inside you and limit your long term growth and ability to move forwards.

 

It's none of your business what she does with her body. Her life is no longer a part of yours and vice versa. You may have your personal opinions of about her behaviour and actions but it should have no bearing on your life and how you wish to live going forwards - connecting with new people, where you wish to travel or live, etc.

 

Stop communicating with her friends or her family and opt out of any social media related to her. This is self-sabotaging and conflicts entirely with the above (that it's none of your business what she does with her life). You should be giving yourself the full ability to move forwards. You're not giving yourself the best chances to move forwards because you're paralyzed with remorse. End that now. Let it go and move on.

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This is good call .. yes security is the most important thing to most women who don’t really make their own money .. she also said she didn’t want to let her family down I Believe that’s what she was talking about ..Good call telling me not to worry about the tattoo as I even briefly thought maybe it’s fake .. I mean the tats are just so damn large and ridiculous..

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She wasn’t really long distance I could easily lived there or her with me we was with each other over 250+ days out of 365 as a few months we didn’t talk over a year ago now .. the relationship she is now is long distance as they will only see each other 30 days out of the first 6 months

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Yes I hurt her a lot treating her like a yo yo not committing to her and I feel her pain now ..I will be more serious next time I find someone I’m compatible with and I’ve 💯 cut off communication with her unless she reaches out to me I won’t be talking to her anymore

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Some people you are just so compatible with also are sexual Chemistry is off the charts .. sure she is emotional over what happened between us and she has some guy that will do what I won’t which is commit and provide for her and tell her everything she wants to hear ..ties are cut and good advice

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Sounds bad perhaps but once you mentioned the Philippines I sort of stopped reading.

 

I do not live in the Phillipines but know a few men local to me whose “girlfriends” live there.

These men earn an average wage where I live and have children with their gfs.

These men send money to their gfs and spend the rest on alcohol.

 

They get a cheap holiday to the Phillipines once yearly and their gf and kids come over for couple months once yearly.

 

It’s an unspoken arrangement.

 

You didn’t get the memo?

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Billie not entirely sure what you're getting at on this.. I understand that many guys do this.. but it sounds like you have never even been to the Philippines.. I have literally been living there since 2017.. I'm on my way back to USA for the first time in 2 yrs

 

I don't see what your statement has to do with my story whatsoever ..

Edited by Mrfunguy2020
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Wiseman..

 

The reason I started this thread.. is regret.. I'm getting older now.. and I let a good one go that stood by my side as I kept playing with others.. my goals are now changing.. Its time for me to be serious when I have that type of connection again.. and quit running around just having 3+ gfs on my team in rotation..

 

I've realized when you're compatible with someone and everything clicks so easy you sound make it work..

 

I would say 99% of women want commitment security and a family when they are in love and see a future with you ..

 

I'm in the process of moving on and working on improving myself and learning lessons from this ..

 

I still however feel its very likely this is a rebound relationship moving at hype speed and she has displaced feelings to get over us... that usually doesn't last long..

 

this guy will go back home in the next few weeks at that point or even now it will start to crumble or it will grow stronger..

 

Love is abundant and so many that I can connect with out there but in my lifetime I have had just less than a handful that I connected with like that and my best connection ever had while living in Philippines..

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RedDress..

 

want to thank you telling me not to worry about the tattoo thing... I'm not 100% sure but a friend looked at her posts yesterday and already he doesn't see anything on her arms whatsoever although he couldn't completely see the inside of the arms.. If it was a henna tattoo it looks like it washed off in less than 3 weeks...

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